ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Writing your life story

Updated on December 16, 2011
radgirl profile image

Sunshine is a wife, mother of four, a relationship expert, a journalist, a photographer, a public speaker, and author.

Source

Recently I have been asked by the ladies in my church to tell my story during our class about faith, and it's been the hardest thing I have ever had to face. I realized that writing your life story takes you down roads you don't want to revisit as well as makes you realize that most of the things you hate about other people, you really hate about yourself.

I have a picture of myself. I'm married to a handsome man, I have four well dressed children, nice middle class life, a dog, a cat, and a well manicured yard. We have what you would call curb appeal. Once you get through the door, you find we're just like everybody else. There are pictures of us on our quads, camping, visiting family, and attending sports events all over our house. We have struggles, we make mistakes, but at the end of the day, we use them all as teachable moments. I cannot tell you how many people comment on what a wonderful mother and wife I am, and I think they're just crazy.

Once you're in the house for a while, you can see that our family is different. I have been married twice. I have four children who have 3 different dads. My children have been through hell and back because of choices I have made. I didn't become a Christian until after I married my second husband, and everything before that is a mess.

If you walk a little deeper into our home, you find the closet of shame. We each have one. I've never made it a secret that I was abused by my father. I never made it a secret that I was an out of control teenager. I've never tried to hide the fact that I am on my second marriage with four children from three fathers. I wear that badge shamefully, but it's part of the journey.

When I sat down to write my testimony for this class, I started five times. The first four, I got to age 11, threw it away or 'lost' it and had to start over. The fifth time, I sat down at the computer and promised myself I wouldn't hit delete no matter how badly I wanted to. I also promised myself that I wouldn't destroy or 'lose' the computer.

As I wrote and wrote and the pain poured out of my fingers, I realized that I was going to throw up all over my shoes if I read this out loud. No one was going to believe that this could happen to one person! There was so much I forgot about. There was so much I wanted to leave out or lie about, because let's face it, leaving it out is the same thing as lying about it. My mom used to call that lying by omission. I hated being accused of that. Grudgingly, I typed it out because I knew God would be watching.

All the while, I felt like Grover in 'The Monster and the End of This Book'. You know, the one where he ties the pages together so you can't turn them while he freaks out about the monster at the end, but you keep turning them and he keeps boarding and bricking them up? I have joked about getting Ebola the night before the class, hiding in the duct work of the church, and laughed about needing a Kleenex factory, but through it all, I've realized one thing: There is no way I am getting out of this one.

What's the big deal anyway, right? These people all love me for who I am, not what I've done. When I became a Christian, I was washed clean of all the garbage of the past. I have the power to forgive all that wronged me, not the other way around. I am strong enough to own what I've done, give grace to those who hurt me, and to use my life as a way to show others that it's okay to be broken. It's okay to be torn up. It's okay to be hurt. It's okay to screw up, because we are extended more grace than we'll ever use.

I am not useless, just as you are not useless. We are the same, and when it comes time for you to face the life you've lived, embrace it. Take it into your arms and say, "I love you no matter what" and don't hold back, because eventually God is going to turn your last page, and you're going to see that the monster at the end of the book you were so afraid of is you, and He loves you.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • radgirl profile imageAUTHOR

      radgirl 

      6 years ago from Somewhere in outer space

      Thank you very much!

    • profile image

      Motown2Chitown 

      6 years ago

      Amazing. No matter how awful the story we start out telling, God always seems to give it a happy ending. Thanks for being so honest about how hard it can be to share your story...but also how liberating. Well done.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)