Wrong Side of the Bed

I woke up this morning on the wrong side of the bed

Looked out the window saw a bird flying backwards

A cat chasing a dog

The mail man perched in a tree

Old lady Crosby being walked by a hog

Oh excuse me I think that’s her daughter (still she looked like a hog)

What the Sam hell was going on

I walked backwards down the stairs

Drank a cup of coffee grinds than ate the butter but not the toast

Ate an orange pill and drank the seeds

Still wondering why the mailman

Was sitting up in our tree

A glass of gin in one hand a beer in the other (where the hell was my mail)

In crawled my wife baking and howling

When I opened my mouth to speak I hissed and then meowed

Okay this was no ordinary day

The cat walked in speaking in my voice followed by the dog in curlers

Who barked like my wife and carried a rolling pin

Yeah that was the only normal part of that morning

I decided to go back to bed

Hoping when I woke up this damn

Hangover would be dead and this nightmare I was in would be over

And the ringing in my ears would shut the hell up, the mailman would no longer

Be up in my tree, the cat would be just that and the dog, well he and wife need to have

A talk, they are way too much alike