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The Beer Hunter & other hunting tales
The Beer Hunter
OK, this story isn’t about deer hunting, but it could have been.
There were five of us in my dad’s station wagon that morning. There was my dad, uncle Elmer, uncle Albert, my best friend Pat & myself.
My dad had his old 30-06. Uncle Elmer had “Old Betsy”, his trusty double barrel 12 gauge. Uncle Albert had a .22 single shot rifle. Pat had his over & under 410-.22. I had my 20gauge shotgun. We were going hog hunting. Well, all of us except uncle Albert.
Uncle Albert was too fond of beer (he had brought a six-pack) to let him hunt anything but his empty cans. He was going to stay by the car & target practice.
Dad had parked the car on the side of the dirt road & we had worked out the details for the hunt. We would all meet back at the car in 2 hours. Dad would go northeast. Uncle Elmer would go north. Because both Pat & I had small, single shot shotguns, we would stay together & hunt to the northwest. Uncle Albert had the whole south side in which to target practice. He also only had ten rounds to practice with & had to give the rest of us a 5-minute head start.
We were well into the woods when uncle Albert killed his first beer can. About 10-minutes later, he killed another. This went on for seven shots. Right after shot number seven, the cars horn started honking. The cars horn continued to honk & after about a minute Pat & I decided that there must be something wrong, so we quickly headed back to the car.
We all got back to the car & found uncle Albert holding his blood-covered hand to his throat. He was yelling, “Somebody shot me! I’ve got to get to the hospital!” So, we loaded up the car, & off to the emergency room we went.
The doctor removed a piece of lead from uncle Albert’s neck, cleaned & stitched the wound, gave him a tetanus shot & released him.
After we dropped everyone off at they’re houses, dad & I went back to the scene of the crime. What we found 5 empty beer cans on the ground. About 20 feet from the cans on the ground, we found 1 empty beer can, tied to a tree limb. The tree that the can was tied to had 7 bullet holes in it. All the holes were at about eye level. We also found 6 empty .22 cal shell casings near the beer cans on the ground & a trail of blood leading to where the car had been parked. There were no other tracks in the area besides ours.
Neither Dad nor I ever let uncle Albert know that we had figured out what really happened. That he (uncle Albert) had fired a shot that ricocheted off the tree & had in fact shot himself in the neck.
Uncle Elmer & the stump
My uncle Elmer was out in the woods deer hunting one cold morning when he began to feel the urge to relieve him self. He didn’t want to do that because he was afraid the scent might alert any deer in the area to his presence.
He continued hunting for a while longer but the urge to pee was getting stronger. He finally gave up the hunt.
He was near an old tree stump & decided that the stump needed watering. He propped his rifle on the side of a nearby tree. He then went back to the stump & began to water the stump.
Before he was able to finish the task at hand, someone cold cocked him & knocked him out. He regained consciousness almost immediately but it took him a moment to figure out where he was. He realized he was at home & in bed. My aunt Mary was lying in bed with him. She was scowling at him with a big frown on her face.
You see, the whole time uncle Elmer was hunting & watering the stump, he had been dreaming. Aunt Mary was the stump!
Deer hunting season was going to open soon & a young man was checking his hunting rifle & the rest of his gear to make sure everything would be ready to go hunting on the opening day. His girl friend walked in to the room & saw him making preparations for hunting season.
She got excited & asked, are you going hunting? Can I go with you? I’ve never been hunting before & I want to know what it’s all about. Will you take me hunting with you? Please, can I go with you?
The young man reluctantly promised that he would take her with him & he began training her in hunting & gun safety. He took her out to the forest & showed her the tree stand she would be using. He took her to a shooting range & taught her how to shoot a rifle & what to shoot at. By the opening day of hunting season, He felt like he had trained her enough to take her hunting. He thought she probably wouldn’t shoot anything, but maybe she'd have beginners luck.
On the first day of open season, he took her out to the forest & helped get her settled in the tree stand. He then went to his other tree stand about two hundred yards away from the first tree stand. He climbed up to his tree stand, but before he could get settled in, he heard his girl friend shoot her rifle. She only shot one time. He decided he should go & check on her & make sure she was OK.
He climbed down from his tree stand & walked the short distance to her tree stand. Before he got there he could hear her shouting so he ran the rest of the way.
When he got to her tree stand, he saw that there was a Game Warden standing there with his hands up. The girl friend was aiming her rifle at the Game Warden & shouting at him. She was shouting, “ Don’t you go near that deer, stay away from that deer, that’s my deer & don’t you touch it”. The Game Warden was trying to calm the girl down. He said, “Please lower your rifle ma'am. I don’t want the deer. You can have the deer, but I will need to get my saddle off of it”.
Uncle Elmer once told me that if he was in the woods being chased by a bear, he would have an advantage over the bear. He (Uncle Elmer) would be running on dry ground. The bear would be running on pure s**t!
No animals were harmed during the writing of these stories.
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