You Don't Have A Stalker... Get Over Yourself!

Not a day doesn't go by that I don't get profoundly annoyed at the endless supply of conceited people who have developed this irrational thought that they have a stalker despite the lack of evidence of an actual stalker. I have even had the misfortune of meeting a few of these irrational ignorant people (and not just hearing about them) in my lifetime. All I have to say is: You don't have a stalker... Get over yourself!

I knew one girl who I'll call "Lindsay" for the sake of this article. No, that's not her real name. Anyway, she had it in her head that there's people who she had neither ever spoken to nor met but yet she claimed they stared endlessly at her facebook page and would write her messages only to chicken out and delete them without sending them (How do you know someone wrote you since they never sent it?). The fact that she felt the need to believe that showed insecurities on her part. She clearly needed to feel the need that she had a stalker to feel secure about herself. Which is why most people who claimed to have stalkers do it, because they are insecure. Simple enough. When I queried her as to why she thought someone was silently stalker her, her only response was "Because I'm hot" which was another proof of her own deep insecurities.

I knew another girl who I'll call "Brittany" and no that's also not her real name. I'm related to this girl but that's all I'll say. I once saw a photo that Brittany had posted on her Facebook page that showed up on my homepage because we were friends. The photo was just of her and I was being nice when I clicked like. However, when she saw I liked it, she messaged me and told me to quit stalker her page and that she was getting tired of people stalking her page. I was confused because I didn't go to her page to see that photo, it showed up on my homepage but I solved that problem for her by going to her page to unfriend her so therefore what she posts will no longer show up on my homepage and I wouldn't feel obligated to be nice enough to like it and she wouldn't feel like I was "stalking her page" when I liked her post on my homepage.

I also knew a third person, a guy I'll call "Aaron" for the sake of this article. No, that's also not his real name. Back then, Aaron felt the need to inform me "If you had a car then you would stalk me." To which I rolled my eyes and queried, "Why in the hell would I stalk you?" His response was also, "Because I'm hot." So I asked him, "Have I been stalking you lately?" To which he answered with, "No because you don't have a car!" I replied, "You don't need a car to stalk someone!" and then I proceeded to list a few ways that I could think of to stalk someone, "bikes, taxis, buses, cyber stalking." Then I asked him a question, "Have I done any of that?" and all the conceited idiot could come up with was, "No because you don't have a car! If you had a car..." I got fed up with him and interrupted him to inform him of the cold harsh truth, "If I had a car, I wouldn't be wasting my time stalking you because I would be traveling!" I admit I was a little too harsh and brutally honest back then (I was still just a harmless teenager though) but the truth had to be said. Aaron obviously had the same insecurity issues as Lindsay and Brittany. All three of them needed to feel like they had stalkers because it made them feel worthy and (to use Aaron's and Lindsay's word) hot.

Which brings me to my next point. No matter how hot you think you are or how hot you actually are or if you're even hot in the first place (because not everyone who thinks they're hot are actually hot, just look at Paris Hilton), I highly doubt you will get a stalker either way. For one thing, hot people come by the dozen, for every hot person there are eleven (11) more who are equally hot or eleven hundred and ninety-nine (1199) more people who are even hotter. So why would someone stalk you just because you are hot when there's someone even hotter just around the corner? And why the hell would anyone even bother to stalk you at all? Unless you are paying them to, if you're not then there wouldn't be a valid reason for someone to want to make an effort to stalk you.

Besides no one would devote their time to stalking anyone, especially emotionally damaged people like "Lindsay" "Brittany" and "Aaron" because there's better stuff to do that actually benefits them like traveling, working hard for a better opportunity at work, going to school, backpacking across Europe, taking road trips across the country, New York City, Los Angeles, San Francisco, backpacking across North America, Mexico, Venice, Australia, taking a cruise, Alaska, London, Paris, Rome, Egypt, Ireland, Scotland, Canada, Bahamas, etc. And the list of awesome possible things to do that are actually fun just goes on and on but stalking will never be among a list of fun things to do. The only type of list that stalking could possibly go on is a job list of ways to earn some money.

Even celebrities are less likely to get stalkers and more likely to just get mentioned in tweets by supposedly fans (who may or may not be real fans) in the hopes of getting retweeted and gaining more followers. I'm absolutely positive that those people, on twitter who tweet and mention celebrities twitter handles, are only doing it just because they are hoping that the celebrity will retweet them so they might gain more followers.

The final thing that I have always wondered about and still do is about those very few celebrities who claim to have actually had a stalker, like John Cusack and Sharon Stone. I just don't understand why anyone would waste their time stalking anyone let alone a famous person when it didn't benefit them. So my brain has developed this theory about that and I have wondered if those few celebrity stalkers were paid generously for their time to stalk those celebrities and of course the celebrities paid for stalkers because the publicity was great for their careers. The stalking incidents would always get them on the news and any publicity is good publicity. If that's the case then chances are there's definitely great money in that. Which opens up another Hollywood job question: Is "celebrity stalking" another hidden job in Hollywood that's paid under the table? I wouldn't doubt it because why would anyone do something unless it benefited them and money is the best and the only way to motivate someone.

Now if any celebrity (or anyone) wants me to stalk them then you have to motivate me and by that I won't accept anything less than money. My current stalking rates are $1 million dollars a minute which will add up to $60 million dollars an hour. Those rates will never decrease in time, they will only increase another million dollars a minute every second. Which means you will never be able to afford me (unless you're very very very rich). So look else where to fill your "stalker job" position. Try craigslist.

And why would someone stalk some celebrity or insecure person who needs to feel wanted for money? Simple. Because with the money they make from giving this person what they wanted for a set amount of time, being paid for it the whole time of course, they can use that money they make from it for something they would actually want to do, like traveling. Who wouldn't take on a "stalking job" if the money offered was a reasonable amount for the time wasted in said job? Besides it wouldn't be the first time that anyone has ever worked a job that they absolutely hated just for the money. That happens everyday, I'm sure. Who doesn't hate their job? The only good thing about any job is the pay check!

Although, I know that the rare individuals who stalk someone are just creepy and crazy but I must admit that the more common group of individuals who seem to be obsessed with wanting a stalker are just as crazy. Maybe even crazier.

And that concludes my article on stalking. Remember, chances are, you don't really have a stalker (unless you're paying someone) ... So get over yourself!