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You Know You're A Writer When...

Updated on July 31, 2014

As Writers, we are a breed all our own. We have the greatest job in the world; we are storytellers, entertainers, cultural critics, historians, visionaries, humanitarians, and the gatekeepers of art and language.

For us, words are powerful, they can penetrate national and ideological lines; they can stop wars and battle injustice. If words on a two hundred year old piece of paper make us free, maybe words are more powerful than all of the weapons of war combined. If history has shown us anything, truth can never be silenced.

Given my utmost respect for writers, and including myself in that stunning group, I feel that I have the privilege to poke fun of some of the stereotypes, idiosyncrasies, and benefits to being a writer. It's all done in love and humor. Go ahead, nod along, chuckle, and get busy writing that novel!

Coolest job ever and it builds strong hands.
Coolest job ever and it builds strong hands. | Source
  1. The buttons wear off of your computer, especially vowels. A, S, N, M, and L are all gone.
  2. Your hands are freakishly skinny from all of the finger exercise.
  3. You constantly have dark circles under your eyes from getting inspiration at odd hours of the morning.
  4. You talk about characters as if you really know them and had coffee with them this morning.
  5. You call your best friend and ask, "If you were going to kidnap the President's daughter, and you only had a paperclip and some duck tape, how would you do it?" Hopefully said best friend knows you're writing a book, otherwise men in black coats show up at your door.
  6. Every time you're in a plane, train, or government building you're trying to figure out how your eternally evil character could wreak havoc on innocent civilians.
  7. You compromise with your spouse that you will do the dishes if he or she will read a chapter of your manuscript...again...because you changed another word.
  8. As others are talking, you are mentally adding punctuation to their speech.
  9. You become easily agitated by those who speak with bad grammar.
  10. As you read the newspaper, you are editing it for missing commas and misspelled words.
  11. Your coworkers are constantly asking, "How do you spell.....?"
  12. You look up from your computer, four hours have gone by, you've missed dinner, you've only written half a page, and you don't care. What a productive day!
  13. You meet a new person, tell them what you do, and they ask if you are retired. The second question they ask is, "Do you like cats?"
  14. You change your major to English and even your professors give you a funny look as they ask you what you want to do with your life.
  15. You speak in similes and metaphors for every point you illustrate.
  16. Your therapist is on speed dial; so is your agent, your editor, and your mother.
  17. You walk out of a movie thinking, "That was beautiful writing" not, "That was beautiful cinematography and great acting."
  18. You often get asked, upon telling someone you are a writer, what you do for a living.
  19. You are constantly being asked if you will write other people's wedding speeches, thesis papers, valentines cards, and cover letters. To which you respond that your freelance fee is $50 an hour.
  20. You calculate that your current hourly rate for your revenue sharing content is $0.05 an hour. However, you are certain, that 1000 articles later, your hourly rate will be $100 an hour, 24 hours a day because of compounding residual income streams.
  21. You picture retirement as writing poetry in a cabin in the woods and reading stories to children at the local library on Saturday mornings. Oh sweet bliss!
  22. Your ideal work space is a laptop, a Mediterranean balcony, a good wi-fi connection, and words that pulse through your fingers faster than you can logically think.
  23. Nothing bugs you more than LOL, BYOF, LMAO, and other immature abuses of the English language.
  24. You are constantly thinking, "How can I make this character's life more miserable? Conflict, I need more conflict."
  25. You pin your rejection letters on your wall as if they were battle wounds from war. A few hundred more and you could wallpaper your kitchen.

© 2014 Jennifer Arnett


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    • adevwriting profile image

      Arun Dev 2 years ago from United Countries of the World

      These are the symptoms of becoming a writer. Nice hub.

    • Julie K Henderson profile image

      Julie K Henderson 2 years ago

      This list is fantastic. One of my quirks is I see strangers while in public places and imagine fantastic (and presumably unrealistic) scenarios for their daily lives. Voted up.

    • Janellegems profile image

      Janellegems 3 years ago from United States

      Excellent Hub. You are definitely right about all of these. I can relate to some of these. Thanks for writing this.

    • Availiasvision profile image

      Jennifer Arnett 3 years ago from California

      Thanks Bakerosity, the writing lifestyle can be quite humorous. We really are a unique group.

    • Bakerosity profile image

      Bakerosity 3 years ago

      I like how you showed the humorous side to the life of writers.

    • Availiasvision profile image

      Jennifer Arnett 3 years ago from California

      Kim, that was the funniest comment ever. I'm glad it gave you a kick and I'm sorry if it gave you a sore neck :)

    • klidstone1970 profile image

      இڿڰۣ-- кιмвєяℓєу 3 years ago from Niagara Region, Canada

      This gave me a good chuckle this morning, thank you. I couldn't agree more. My head was bobbing so much, I'm surprised I'm not suffering from whiplash! Great job. Best wishes, Kim.

    • weestro profile image

      Pete Fanning 3 years ago from Virginia

      Found myself nodding in agreement as I read down your list. So true!

    • Availiasvision profile image

      Jennifer Arnett 3 years ago from California

      Slowpoke, that was the best comment ever, and some good points. Write on my friend.

    • slowpokevoyager profile image

      Roger Decker 3 years ago from Braggs, Oklahoma

      Your list is great and I agree. My favorites are 3, 4, 7 (although I'm not married, I have family members do it.) 8, 9, 10, 12 (Only I'm thinking of fishing with that line.) 15, 18, 22 (Mountains are better. Air is cleaner.) 23 (I hate that!) 24 (My mother thinks I'm planning on killing off my main character and she hates me for it.)

      But you're leaving out a few:

      1. You're constantly correcting your friends speech and they tend to scowl at you or refuse to see you any longer.

      2. Your brother's girlfriend is accused of having an affair with you because she constantly calls you at all hours of the night and day when she's stuck on a word game and is frustrated she can't find the word needed to go to the next level.

      3. Your so-called office looks as if it could be featured in the show Hoarders. (I hate throwing anything out that could possibly, in the near future, say fifteen years, come in handy for a story line.)

      4. Your hair looks like a cat got a-hold of it in the night because you have your hand plastered to the side of your head when you sleep, in case you wake up in the night and need to write a thought down.

      5. And on, and on, and on. I love writing. Don't you?

      Just saying! Thanks, loved it.

    • Availiasvision profile image

      Jennifer Arnett 3 years ago from California

      Thanks Jodah, you write very well. I love the topics you choose. Keep at it!

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Love this Availiasvision. I can relate to most of these points, so hopefully that makes me a writer. Great work. Voted up.

    • LeaCoe profile image

      Lea 3 years ago

      Awesome Hub! I saw myself in a few of those points, guess I am a writer LOL! Sorry, almost gave myself Carpal Tunnel forcing my fingers to type that....