You're Not Getting My Point

My youngest son is 25. He has anger and drug problems. I have watched him have fits of rage for almost 7 years now, he's been on drugs, one kind or the other, for over 10 years. I am sure that they go hand in hand, drugs and anger. I do not know how to deal with either issue. I have tried but it just escapes my grasp. You cannot talk to him, or fight with him. If you talk it turns into an argument and he is bound and determined to win. No matter what he has to say, how ugly he has to get, he is right in his mind. He also has little self control. He cannot walk away from a drama situation, he says he does not want to look like a little bitch. Therefore He choses to disrepect me, screamimg and cursing with everything in him, becasue he is not going to backdown and look like a little bitch. In my eyes by his actions he does look like a little bitch.

Yesterday his ex girl and he and his new girl got into and argument somewhere else and then brought it to my house. They are in my front yard, his ex girl on the street in her car, his new girl and he are in my front yard and they are all having a screaming match. This is what has gone on before when he and his ex lived here. I have asked him repeatedy not to do that here. Take it down the road. All my neighbors standing on their front porches watching the show. It is very embarassing. I have lived in this once quiet neighborhood for 25 years. The house has been in the family for almost 47 years. He was raised here and was raised with manners, standards, morals and respect. He never witnessed drama with his Dad and I such as he has with these women. It seems he lost sight of all of this when the drugs came into play.

So he comes in and begins to try to explain that it wasn't his fault he acted the fool , it was his ex girls fault. I told him I didn't care who started it, he and his new girl could have chose to just come in the house and ignor her. No he's not backing down, So we argued and he starts with the cursing. I asked him not to talk to me like that, well you know me Mom I am pissed and I am going to say what I have to say. Not in my home you won't and not to me, not anymore. This is nothing new. I have heard it many times, the difference now is I am different and I am not going to put up with it. He says this conversation is over, I said that's where you are wrong. I am going to have my say because I am done with you running over me. I told him you have disrespected me and my home by standing out there acting the fool. I have asked you not to do it. But here we are again. I said this is the last time it will happen. Of course it's all about him, he says, I didn't even do anything wrong and you are going to bitch at me. I tell him you are not getting my point.

Young people today do not take resposibility for their actions. They chose to blame someone or something else. Oh yes it was her fault that you and your girl screamed at her and then ran toward her car threatening her as she drove down the street. It was her fault you did not have the good sense to just walk in the house and let it go, leaving her to jack her jaws. I really do not get that, if you want to be the man that you say you are, all grown up, then be one and respect me and yourself, don't expect respect if you don't give respect. There is always two sides to every story. And I heard both, they were all wrong. But then that's where the inmmaturity comes into play. If you ask me they were all acting like a bunch of little bitches. Screaming at each and no one heard a word the other said. Purpose for words screamed defeated.

So we go to our corners and today he comes back to my house. Same argument only now he says he is raging because he is so mad at me. It makes me not want to come over here, not want to see you. I say, Well then don't. The world does not revolve around you and I am not here for your lip service. You want to hate me , so be it, you don't want to come around, there's the door don't let it hit you in the ass going out. He stands there with this look on his face like he didn't know who I was. He has alway had a nack for saying just what I want to hear, he's my son and I love him. But he has abused me for the last time. I am done. Well fine then he says and out the door he goes. His girl comes to me and apologizes for her part in the show. I tell her Thank you and she goes out the door after him.

I have had this drama in my home for three years. He and his ex lived here and I refereed countless times. The cops have been to my house more times in those three years than in the last 47. The neighbors have stood on their porches and shook their heads. Why don't you kick them out. It's not easy to kick them out when a little one needs shelter. Finally they were gone, their own separate ways 16 months ago and I could finally breath and have some peace and quiet. Not have to worry about my heart pounding, my body shaking or crying myself to sleep because I didn't know what they were going to do to each other next. My spirit and heart cannot take it anymore, I refuse to go through it one more time. As I said I am so done Take your drugs and your anger elsewhere. I do not want it in my face anymore. Grow up.

He comes back this afternoon. He comes to me and says I get it Mom and I am sorry. It will not happen again. I love you, you are my Mom and you always will be. I did not mean to disrespect you or your home. I don't hate you, I couldn't hate you. You are a good person and you have been good to me. I am sorry. This was a surprise to me, he would not come to me with this if he wasn't sincere, I know my son. He really had nothing to gain by his words. May be, just maybe he is beginning to grow up. And this Mom loves her son with all her heart, but has taken back her self respect, her dignity, her power and control of her home. I am so tired of the garbage of this world that destroys peoples lives. The drugs and alcohol, the hate and discontent, people being angry all the time. Why can't we just love one another and get along. Be a hand for someone in need, be a shoulder for someone to cry on, be an ear for someone to talk to? Respect and honor one another. I think our years would be longer and our hearts more content. The world would be a softer place.