ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Zombie Apocalypse Survival - How You Can Survive The Zombie Takeover That Is Bound To Happen

Updated on February 11, 2014

How to Survive The Zombie Apocalypse

We all totally know a zombie apocalypse is bound to happen some time or another. Will you be one of those big lazy couch potatoes who never took the time to prepare and end up getting eaten first, or will you be a prepared zombie slaying machine who outlasts the whole apocalypse?

This guide will cover everything you need to know in order to survive a zombie apocalypse and it will make all the difference on whether your survive or not! Make sure you commit these six steps to memory and you are bound to be the last standing champion when the inevitable zombie apocalypse eventually goes down.

Oh and don't forget to share this with all of your friends!  The only way you'll still have friends after zombies take over the world is if you teach them how to survive too.

The Average American Zombie - They are likely to either be found in places with lots of food or on their couches with a carton of Ben & Jerry's.
The Average American Zombie - They are likely to either be found in places with lots of food or on their couches with a carton of Ben & Jerry's.

Rule #1 - Exercise

Exercise is critical to zombie survival. However, if you live in America, you most likely will only be running from fat zombies who have been eating McDonald's and grinding their couch all day long. They shouldn't be too terribly hard to outrun. However, every once in a while you will come across a big, muscular, ripped Olympics zombie, so having at least a fair level of fitness is recommended! Can you imagine what a ripped Arnold Schwarzenegger zombie would be like? Exactly. That's why you need to get your fat lazy butt on the treadmill.

Don't worry, there are ways to make exercise fun! For example, while you are doing cardio, you can make believe you are running from zombies and, if you stop, you die! There's a strategy for everything.

Sawed Off Double Barrel Shotgun -- Your best friend in a zombie apocalypse
Sawed Off Double Barrel Shotgun -- Your best friend in a zombie apocalypse

Rule #2 - Be Prepared

The Boy Scout motto also applies to zombie survival. You need to make sure you're prepared in every way. Most of all, by stocking up on weapons. Those people who didn't take advantage of the 2nd amendment are going to pay the price big time when they answer the pounding on their front doors to their hungry zombified neighbors.

So take my advice, drive down to your local gun shop and spend an entire paycheck on some quality guns and ammo. I wouldn't waste your time with long range guns in this scenario either. Chances are, if you're like most people, your aim sucks. Get a shotgun, saw off the end of it and as soon as you have like 4 zombies in your spread, gib them all with one pull of the trigger!

In addition to stocking up on weapons, you'll want to stock up on food. Don't think you'll just be able to waltz into the nearest grocery store and take whatever you like either. There are bound to be hundreds of other people in there, armed with guns, who all had the same idea. If you don't like the idea of getting shot over who gets the last box of Twinkies, just stock up in advance. If worse comes to worse and you don't have any food, you can always resort to cannibalism. Why not? Everyone else will be doing it!

Even penguins won't risk being alone in a zombie apocalypse.
Even penguins won't risk being alone in a zombie apocalypse.

Rule #3 - Live By The Buddy System

Find a friend or family member who you trust more than anyone and stick with them no matter what.  Even if you are taking a piss, make sure they are with you at all times!  Taking a dump?  Same thing!  For some reasons zombies always like to catch you with your pants down, so make sure you stand guard for each other while you do your business.

There shouldn't be 1 minute throughout the course of a 24 hour day that either of you are apart or aren't exactly sure where the other one is.  The second this happens, a zombie is bound to attack and leave one of you without a buddy any more.

Also, you should never fall asleep during a zombie apocalypse, unless you know you are well protected.  You and your buddy can take turns sleeping and guarding each other in shifts.

Hot girls -- looks can be deceiving.
Hot girls -- looks can be deceiving.

Rule #4 - Trust No One

-- Especially hot girls! That's right.  Then again, if you're a dude, you've probably already learned you can't trust hot girls anyways.  Doesn't matter if it's during a zombie apocalypse or not.

The more harmless a person seems during a zombie apocalypse, the chances are the more dangerous they really are. Do not trust strangers into your hiding place for three reasons:

  1. They could have zombies following them.
  2. They may rob you and take the last of your weapons, food and health supplies.
  3. They could have been bitten, which means they are going to become a flesh eating zombie very soon.

When someone asks for help or says they need a place to stay or medical assistance, run as fast as you can in the opposite direction.  These people claiming to be in need of help pose just as much threat as the zombies themselves.

Walking around sleepy makes you look like a zombie to other armed survivors -- don't do it!
Walking around sleepy makes you look like a zombie to other armed survivors -- don't do it!

Rule #5 - Stay Rested

Staying rested is obvious why it's critical to zombie survival.  You can't focus at your highest capacity when you are un-rested and that means that you become an easier target for hungry zombies.  Also, studies have shown that reduced amount of sleep leads to much slower reflexes.  This means that if a zombie jumps out at you, you most likely won't be able to shoot its head off before it goes for your jugular vein. 

Increased reflexes aren't the only reason why you should stay rested, however.  Have you ever noticed how when you are sleepy, you tend to walk around like a zombie? Now just imagine if another survivor was to see you coming like that. You would get a bullet in your head pretty quickly! 

It is imperative you and your buddy both stay fully rested during a zombie apocalypse.

Rule #6 - The Double Tap

If you have ever seen the movie Zombie Land, you know exactly what I am talking about.

Once you shoot a zombie, even if you nail it in the head, always give one more shot straight to the middle of their brain to make sure they are dead. Think of all the people in zombie movies who have died because they made the mistake of forgetting to do this. Heck, think of all the people in ANY movies who forgot to make sure the bad guy was dead and it cost them their life. Don't be stingy with your bullets! Always give them one final clean shot to the brain, right between their eyes, to make sure they don't get back up.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • profile image


      5 years ago

      Well first I am no apocalypse freak at best I have a 4-10 with 6 rds in my closet and binoculars in my drawer I do not think it will happen soon but there is always hope;) just kidding by the way I know how to make the ultimate survivor chemical that gets ok mpg I think you need piping and some chain link fence a little barbwire and a melon gun for fun mounted on the roof it would work on any thing but a Prius those are GAY.

    • profile image


      5 years ago

      Hope you are be safe in the house

    • profile image


      5 years ago

      it was a good article but the part with the sawed off shot-gun is somewhat misleading. first don't even think about using bird shot. I mean come on its pretty obvious its used to kill things like birds (obviously), squirrels, and other small game plus if you use this you'll only attract more zombies. if you have to use a sawed off shotgun use buckshot or 12 gauge slug if you can. (PS the more you saw off barrel the less accurate the gun will be.)

    • profile image


      5 years ago

      good stuff man. I have a zombie survival string of hubs im working on right now but I have a twisted semse of humor and tried going serious. So its good that people can approach this with a good sense of humor.

    • jaredbangerter profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from New York City

      Play lots of Resident Evil 6 when it comes out in two days to prepare. ;] Hahaha

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      I am RELLY scared what should I do?????

    • CMENYART1 profile image


      6 years ago from North Cackalackie

      Great take on the zombie standards. Liked this very much. voted up.

    • jaredbangerter profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from New York City

      haha thank you. :] yeah, who knows. people on my myspace just wanted a zombie survival guide, so i thought i'd fix them up with one. had a fun time writing it.

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      Shouldn't that fat zombie be sitting on a couch munching on a human leg bone as opposed to Ben and Jerry's? Methinks you've been watching too many zombie movies, Jared. Rated up and funny!


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)