- Books, Literature, and Writing
a strange conversation
this is just a whimsical tale
The waitress looked nervously around... almost eight o'clock. She looked down at her hands and noticed them shaking. Table number eight... she thought.... always reserved on the eighth of every month.... always at this time. She smoothed her skirt and even the manager gave her an encouraging smile and nodded. SHOWTIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she stealed herself and thought, FASTEN YOUR SEATBELTS, IT'S GOING TO BE A BUMPY NIGHT.(All about eve... Bette Davis) Oh no... now I am doing it.
Two well dressed men... nodded to each other as they entered the restaurant, followed by a slight blond headed younger woman who sighed as the Maitre D greeted and then seated the trio at table number eight.
The waitress placed her best smile on and heard...
"STELLA! HEY, STELLA!"(A Streetcar named Desire...Marlon Brando.)
"Louis, that is not even her name." whispered the blond woman. Taking out her note pad and placing it on the table, opened with pen in hand, she made two columns. Placing a mark on the column for Louis, thinking the man really did have too much time on his hands... the second column was titled John.
The waitress stood with menus in hand ready to go over the specialties of the day, taking a deep breath in, only to be halted by...
"AS GOD IS MY WITNESS, I'LL NEVER BE HUNGRY AGAIN."(Gone with the wind...Vivien Leigh)
One mark for John.
The woman gave an encouraging smile to the waitress who once again opened her mouth..
"A MARTINI. SHAKEN, NOT STIRRED." (Gold Finger...Sean Connery)
One for Louis.
"Ahem... " The waitress cleared her throat. "So you wish cocktails first?"
"YOU TALKIN' TO ME?" (Taxi Driver... Robert DeNiro)
The blond made another mark, pulled out a bell and dung it.
"Time out." She placed the pen down and glared at her two companions.
"MRS. ROBINSON YOU'RE TRYING TO SEDUCE ME.... AREN'T YOU?" (The Graduate...Dustin Hoffman) rang out in unison.
The blond gave a wicked smile. "One point deducted from each of you for not following the rules of the game."
The faces of the men fell and the waitress once again tried to gain control.... here was her chance. She headed into her speal as rapidly as possible and both men nodded. They looked at the blond woman who shook her head ruefully.
"Miss, don't mind these two. They are two old friends who are movie buffs... They have played this game for so long they cannot even keep score or keep it fair. Hence I, the executive assistant, get to be referee."
"Oh, that is all right. You don't have to explain... really. I find it interesting. I go home after this and look up the movies your friends quote. It is fun." The waitress glanced at the two men who were staring at her with new interest..."Um, I mean... well, if I understand my customers better, I can serve them better..." Feeling her face turn warmer, she looked down at her shoes, noting the need for some polish on them.
"Well ,you should get an explanation. After all, you are the only waitress that has lasted this long, serving these two. Anyway, I would like the special."
"Great. And for the gentlemen..."
Both men stayed silent.
Damn, thought the blond. "Fine." She hit the bell.
Simultaneously, they chimed in with...."I'LL HAVE WHAT SHE'S HAVING." (When Harry met Sally...Estelle Reiner)
The waitress giggled. "Fine. Would you like wine for dinner? Here is the wine list."
"LOUIS, I THINK THIS IS THE BEGINNING OF A BEAUTIFUL FRIENDSHIP." (Casablanca...Humphrey Bogart) as the man grinned at his friend, then winked at the waitress.
The man returned a devious smile and replied to his rival, John... "WE'LL ALWAYS HAVE PARIS." (Casablanca...Humphrey Bogart)
Noting the waitress was getting lost in this conversation, the blond quicky stated, "Cocktails, Gin and Tonic. Chianti with our meals."
"OF ALL THE GIN JOINTS IN ALL THE TOWNS IN ALL THE WORLDS, SHE WALKS INTO MINE."(Casablanca... Humphrey Bogart)
"A CENSUS TAKER ONCE TRIED TO TEST ME. I ATE HIS LIVER WITH SOME FAVA BEANS AND NICE CHIANTI."(The Silence of the Lambs... Anthony Hopkins)
Shock spread outward on the waitress' face as she tried to understand...
"LIFE IS A BANQUET, AND MOST POOR SUCKERS ARE STARVING TO DEATH!" (Auntie Mame... Rosalind Russell)
"Miss, you have our order." The blond shook her head as she watched the woman leave. "I can't beilieve you two. I am embarrassed. I wonder what my poor mother would say if she knew what I put up with for a free meal."
"GREED, FOR LACK OF A BETTER WORD, IS GOOD."(Wall Street...Michael Douglas) quipped Louis.
"LOVE MEANS NEVER HAVING TO SAY YOU'RE SORRY."(Love Story... Ali MacGraw) stated John.
"Connie, you okay?" The Bartender noted the order for cocktails as the waitress dropped the order to the kitchen.
"Yes. But i need to cover table ten."
"No worries. I'll deliver their cocktails."
"That would be great.. I just cannot thank you enough, Shane."
Shane headed towards table eight. As he passed by table ten, the couple seated there seemed to be very tense. Shane heard..."We have been waiting for over ten minutes. I don't understand. This is our tenth wedding anniversary and after nine years of celebrating here, we get this kind of service!!!!"
"I do apologize but the waiter assigned to your table had to leave because of an emergency. What may I get for you?"
Connie... thought Shane... be careful.. I did not know they would be here. Every year is exactly the same, and always ends in a fight. As he reached table eight, he delivered the three cocktails down on top of the coasters he expertly placed on the table.
One man waved his hand dramatically over the three drinks and said, "THEY'RE HERE."(Poltergeist ... Heather O'Rourke)
The other crytically said, "IS IT SAFE?"(Marathon Man...Lawrence Olivier)
Shane smiled at that. Had Connie not warned me over the last couple of months, I would have thought they already had too much to drink and refuse to serve them... As he turned away, he heard, "SHANE, SHANE...COME BACK!"(Shane...Brandon DeWilde)
The bartender turned back to the table when he heard a loud crash. Connie was now on the floor covered in water.
He ran to help her as the man and woman arguing loudly seemed oblivous of the damage they caused.
"Are you okay?"
"Yes. The woman threw the glass at her husband, he ducked. Unfortunately, I wasn't fast enough."
John was standing at table ten with Louis right behind him.
"NOBODY PUTS 'BABY' IN A CORNER!"(Dirty Dancing...Patrick Swayze)
The male counterpart of the couple stood up as to threaten John.
Louis, taller and with more muscle, yelled, "YOU HAVE GOT TO ASK YOURSELF ONE QUESTION: 'DO i FEEL LUCKY, PUNK?' WELL, DO YA?(Dirty Harry...Clint Eastwood)
The man gasped at that.
John chimed in, with a soft voice, "I SEE DEAD PEOPLE."(The Sixth Sense...Haley Joel Osment)
The man grabbed his wife and headed for the door.
"WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE YOU AIN'T HEARD NOTHIN YET."(The Jazz Singer... Al Jolson)
Applause surrounded the two.
"MY MOTHER THANKS YOU. MY FATHER THANKS YOU. MY SISTER THANKS YOU AND I THANK YOU."(Yankee Doodle Dandy...James Cagney)
The two men returned to their table as they again bowed to the clientele of the restaurant. Shane assisted Connie. The two men sipped their drinks...while the lady, she rubbed her temples.
"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND I COULDA HAD CLASS. I COULDA BEEN A CONTENDER. I COULDA BEEN SOMEBODY, INSTEAD OF A BUM, WHICH IS WHAT I AM."(On the Waterfront... Marlon Brando)
John sipped his drink and sighed. "THE STUFF THAT DREAMS ARE MADE OF."(The Maltese Falcon... Humphrey Bogart)
The blond hit the bell. "Time out, gentlemen." She opened her purse and took out a couple of Tylenol as she dumped the contents of her untouched drink into their glasses.
Both looked sheepishly at her. When Connie came up with a tray of food in her hands donning a new uniform. Food served she held the tray against herself like a shield and shyly said, "Um, I... I don't know what to say, but I do want to thank you, Gentlemen, for coming to my rescue."
"HERE'S LOOKING AT YOU, KID."(Casablanca... Humphrey Bogart)
"GO AHEAD, MAKE MY DAY."(Sudden Impact...Clint Eastwood)
The blond smiled as she viciously started to erase points.
Both men gasped simultaneously.
"Yes. That's right. Currently.... John, you are at eleven points and Louis, you have 9." Ding. "Game on until i finish eating." Knife and fork in hand, she viciously attacked the filet mignion,
"MAMA ALWAYS SAID LIFE WAS LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES. YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GONNA GET."(Forest Gump... Tom Hanks) as Louis eyed his food.
John cut into his filet and noted just how rare it was..."IT'S ALIVE! IT'S ALIVE!"(Frankenstein.. Colin Clive)
Louis snapped his fingers and Connie appeared. "HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM"(Apollo 13... Tom Hanks)
"ROUND UP THE USUAL SUSPECTS."(Casablanca...Claude Rains)
Connie grinned, "So you want your fillet well done?"
"TODAY, I CONSIDER MYSELF THE LUCKIEST MAN ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH."(Pride of the Yankees... Gary Cooper)
"Please, Miss, don't encourage them." The blond rolled her eyes.
"Be back in a jiffy." Connie picked up the plate and headed back to the kitchen.
The chef escorted Connie back to the table.
John smiled and whispered, "I AM GOING TO MAKE HIM AN OFFER HE CAN'T REFUSE."(The Godfather... Marlon Brando)
"Frankly, my dear. I don't give a damn."(Gone with the Wind...Clark Gable) retorted Louis.
Then noting the angry face of the chef, Louis thought, i could get a lot of points with this, sniffing loudly, stating, "I LOVE THE SMELL OF NAPALM IN THE MORNING."(Apocalypse Now...Robert Duvall)
"Do you have a problem with my food?" The chef managed to get out thru clenched teeth.
"I'M MAD AS HELL AND I AM NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE."(Network...Peter Finch)
"This particular dish is meant to be rare to medium rare. To make it well done would be sacriligious."
"WELL, NOBODY'S PERFECT."(Some like it Hot... Joe E. Brown)
The chef's surprise at this wierd conversation became more apparent when John took his cellphone, jumped up beside the chef, placing his arm around his shoulders, and snapped a picture while saying, "ALL RIGHT, MR.DEMILLE. I AM READY FOR MY CLOSE UP."(Sunset Boulevard...Gloria Swanson)
The chef now ducked away from this very strange customer and mumbled, "I will see what I can do." and beelined it back to the kitchen.
John sat down, grinning, holding his cell phone, "I AM BIG! IT'S THE PICTURES THAT GOT SMALL."(Sunset Boulevard....Gloria Swanson)
Swallowing the last morsel of food, the two gentleman jumped as the bell sounded again.
"Time. Game Over." the blond hoped she would not get indigestion after eating such a heavy meal so fast.
The two men shrugged and now appeared relaxed in their chairs.
"John, I knew you were chonping at the bit after I heard you gave a critique of the remake of Sunset Boulevard but I never thought you could use any of the quotes. That was an impressive move."
You know, Louis, I almost choked with the napalm reference."
Laughter entered the room.
Whew... thought Connie as she assisted with clearing tables and running the vacuum.... I wonder what will happen next month.
The manager gave the place a once over inspection and dismissed the troops.
Shane, after pulling on his coat and gloves, quickly assisted Connie with her coat.
"Hey, Shane... do you like old movies?"
Connie grinned...putting on her best Mae West stance with her hand cupping the back of her head and the other one resting on her hip, she oozed, "WHY DON'T YOU COME UP SOMETIME AND SEE ME?"(She done him Wrong... Mae West)
Shane grinned and said, "I am more of a Marx Brothers' fan." He held his curled hand to his mouth like he was holding a cigar. 'ONE MORNING I SHOT AN ELEPHANT IN MY PAJAMAS... HOW HE GOT IN MY PAJAMAS, I'LL NEVER KNOW."(Animal Crackers...Groucho Marx)
Laughing as they headed down the street to the subway, Shane asked, "What is the deal with those two guys anyway?"
"Well, they just play this weird movie quote game once a month and the loser has to pay."
"So that is why the one guy yelled, "SHOW ME THE MONEY."(Jerry Maguire... Cuba Gooding Jr.)
The street lights glistened off the newly fallen snow as the two friends headed home.