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Roadside Cement Dinosaurs May Attract Asteroids

Updated on January 28, 2018
Rochelle Frank profile image

Rochelle Frank wrote humorous bits for her college newspaper many years ago. Her funny observations have continued in print and online.

The Scientific Basis

Fears that asteroid impacts might destroy historic desert roadside attractions which feature large cement dinosaur sculptures, have recently surged.

Scholarly scientific theories postulate that ancient asteroids were originally attracted to this planet by the threat of excessive dinosaur populations.

So, about a buzzillion years ago, the overabundance of dinosaurs was wiped out by a mega-asteroid which took care of the troublesome stupendous reptiles, triggered unusual volcanic activity, and created the Gulf of Mexico while producing worldwide atmospheric conditions resembling those currently considered normal in populous Chinese cities.

At that time scientific and archeological evidence older than a buzzillion years was wiped out, and continents were set adrift.

This cement dinosaur may have survived a near miss, but what about next time?
This cement dinosaur may have survived a near miss, but what about next time?

A Roadside regret?

Now, I know that those attractive roadside dinosaur parks were most prolific way back in the 50's, but think about it. We are talking about SPACE stuff here.

And we know that it takes a long time for information to traverse astronomical distances.

All those plastic and cement and fiberglass dinosaurs that evolved along the long boring highways between western national parks in the middle of the last century were also supplemented by a phetora scary horror films featuring Horibillis Rex, Gorgonzola Maximus, Mothzilla, and the Homicidal Tomatoes.

These frightful prehistoric beasts became inexplicably popular at about the same time. It makes sense that the far out asteroids of a half century ago began to feel an urge to aim themselves toward planet Earth again, in order to wipe out this newly evolved cultural and aesthetic threat, which was previously presumed to be eradicated a buzzillion years ago -- minus 50 or so.

Some people regard the earlier event as a major catastrophe. However, let's consider the objective reality. There would have been some negatives as well as positives if the alleged buzzillion year-old cataclysm between earth and asteroid had not taken place.

Cabazon Cement Dinosaurs. Up Close and Personal.

The Benefits of Asteroid Impact

1.) All of those prehistoric monsters consumed lots of trees, if they didn't consume each other. What would the avid environmentalists do if this collision had not happened? There would have been far fewer trees to protect by now.

Dinosaurs would presumably be unimpressed by activists chained to trees they wantonly intended to consume. Also, if the creatures wantonly consumed all of those things, including the trees, chains and activists, there would be no one left to protect the environment.

2.) Traffic would have been impossible. What would interstate highways and metro freeways be like if we still had all those dinosaurs and their progeny stomping around?

I mean... some of those things were bigger and slower than today's 18 wheelers loaded with all the vital hazardous materials we need these days. Can you imagine trying to traverse the Grapevine on I-5 along with a half a dozen slothful Brachiosauruses, who never make off-road bathroom stops or respect traffic control message boards?

3.) A major American cultural phenomenon, known as the Gulf Coast Malaise Curiosity, which includes insufferable humidity, mossquitoes (mosquitoes so large they grow moss on them), sublime Dixieland Jazz and scathing Cajun gumbo, could have never developed without the creation of the Gulf of Mexico and the Gulf Coast. (Of course, we COULD have evolved sufficiently without any of these --with the possible exception of Dixieland Jazz.)

4.) The irrefutable evidence of distinctive footprints which would have proved that Bigfoot did exist and did dance the fox-trot would not have been irretrievably obliterated.

5.) The continents would have still been all stuck together, making it almost impossible to tell which country people -- especially the English -- properly belonged in, and making the voyages of Amerigo Vespucci, Eric the Red, and Columbus relatively insignificant.

The point is: We need to accept the fact that occasional asteroid impacts are a natural part of everyday life.Some good and some bad will come from it. Some things are just out of our control.

In the meantime, we can't help the dinosaurs, so do something kind for a human person. It's really the only positive thing we can do.


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    • Rochelle Frank profile image

      Rochelle Frank 3 years ago from California Gold Country

      Good luck to you. Watch out for dinosaurs.

    • profile image

      Ika 3 years ago

      Right now, I am planning on tsfrraenring to NIU and majoring in Music Education. I am still searching for other options. I have been searching for the best music education programs in Illinois and can't find any definitive answers. I only want public schools so that narrows things down a little bit. If anyone has any information regarding any other music education programs, or the one I plan on entering, would be greatly appreciated.

    • Rochelle Frank profile image

      Rochelle Frank 5 years ago from California Gold Country

      I SOOooo appreciate comments on one of my long-buried hubs. This is one I enjoyed doing, myself., and am pleased to have 2patricias appreciate it in the appropriate spirit. If the apocalypse impends, let us enjoy it as much as possible.

    • 2patricias profile image

      2patricias 5 years ago from Sussex by the Sea

      We both love those fake dinosaurs. Pat remembers them from her childhood in the USA, while Tricia says there are some in a park in South London.

      So far, we haven't been hit by an asteroid, but it has been raining a lot just lately - maybe things are about to get worse.

      Meanwhile, we'll keep laughing - what else can one do when faced with an uncertain future?

    • Rochelle Frank profile image

      Rochelle Frank 6 years ago from California Gold Country

      Thanks, RedElf, for commenting. They don't show that tomato movie much anymore. Seems to me that it was in black and white, though color would have been scarier.

    • RedElf profile image

      RedElf 6 years ago from Canada

      Oh, no - another living soul has actually seen Attack of The Killer Tomatoes" - the horror! Fascinating and thought-provoking conclusions, please consider my thoughts suitably provoked... :D

    • Rochelle Frank profile image

      Rochelle Frank 6 years ago from California Gold Country

      Thank you Peggy W and Pcunix-- that makes two votes for reuniting continents, though I'm not sure you have thought this through.

      I know I haven't.

    • Pcunix profile image

      Tony Lawrence 6 years ago from SE MA

      I'm in no hurry, so I would not mind the traffic jams, and I like the idea of having the English living near me.

      Can't we push the continents back together? Maybe that would help teach us to get along.

    • Peggy W profile image

      Peggy Woods 6 years ago from Houston, Texas

      As to #1...It would be a shame if the environmentalists would have nothing to do.

      #2...I doubt that traffic would be worse in Houston even if we had the stray brontosaurus or slothful Brachiosauruse mingling with the cars and pickup trucks.

      #3...Evolved without Cajun gumbo? Hardly!!!

      #4...Wonder if my hubby took dancing lessons from Bigfoot?

      #5...If we all lived on one big continent no one would fail geography tests when naming continents. So a plus there!

      Conclusion...funny hub and final point well taken. Up and funny!

    • Rochelle Frank profile image

      Rochelle Frank 6 years ago from California Gold Country

      Thanks again, d.william. I always kind of liked this one, though it doesn't get many reads.

    • d.william profile image

      d.william 6 years ago from Somewhere in the south

      Another funny, clever and truly enjoyable read. Good job.

    • Rochelle Frank profile image

      Rochelle Frank 7 years ago from California Gold Country

      Thanks, couponalbum-- it was kind of you to comment.

    • couponalbum profile image

      couponalbum 7 years ago from Sunnyvale, CA

      Hi Rochelle! You caught my attention from the title. It was a litle bit funny but the message you gave at the end is the real fact of life! Liked your hub! Joining your fanclub and would like to invite you to join mine. Thanks

    • Rochelle Frank profile image

      Rochelle Frank 8 years ago from California Gold Country

      They are wonderful-- real works of art.

    • abel74 profile image

      abel74 8 years ago

      MY company is a professional manufacturer and exporter which concerned with the design, development and production of Animatronic dinosaurs , animals , Dino Skeletons , Skulls , Dino egg , Volcano and so on.

    • Rochelle Frank profile image

      Rochelle Frank 8 years ago from California Gold Country

      Been here 12 years now. Bought the property five years before that, visited a few times before that... so it's been a process. Placerville is a nice area. It has been several years since I have been there.

      You might have been with the paper before the current owner took over? I have written a few features for them. Before that I was writing for a regional supplement of the Fresno Bee-- that was a lot of fun and I learned a lot from the editor there.

      Thanks for the good wishes.

    • WildwindE profile image

      Laurie J. Brenner 8 years ago from Western Slope of the Sierra Nevada, CA

      Rochelle -- what a hoot! You came by and visited my site -- I used to be the Managing Editor of the Mariposa Gazette -- starting about 24 years ago! Hmm. Gee, until I wrote that I didn't know it was that loooong ago.

      Great read -- how long have you been in Posey? I live over in Placerville now. Can't stay out of the Sierra. I've got some great pictures over at, taken right from my deck. We live at about 3000 feet and have been visited by quite a few wonderful creatures!

      Hey -- here's to a prosperous and happy new year!

    • Rochelle Frank profile image

      Rochelle Frank 9 years ago from California Gold Country

      Sorry, I was an Art History major-- so I took a little artistic license.

    • CJStone profile image

      CJStone 9 years ago from Whitstable, UK

      You are WRONG about this. A buzillion years ago the Earth was invaded by a race of super aliens who looked like giant kangaroos but with helmets, and it was THEY who created the Gulf of Mexico. All the events you describe took place a godzillion years ago, which was nowhere near as long ago. You obviously don't know your history.

    • Shadesbreath profile image

      Shadesbreath 9 years ago from California

      First off, ROtfFL at "Gorgonzola Maximus." I was chuckling till then, then the wheels started to come off and I laughed myself into a sweat. So much to learn here.

      I had no idea that big foot was responsible for so much dancing, but now that I see how obvious his influence is, I can't believe I didn't recognize it all along. (This is a phenomenon that I will be pointing out to anyone unfortunate enough to be around me should such floor markings ever cross my path forever again).

      also LOL @ moss on mossquitos.

      And I bet some hippy tied to a tree would be like a chocolate chip in the cookie tree of a dinosaur's dessert.

      Awesome hub, again, as usual.

    • funride profile image

      Ricardo Nunes 9 years ago from Portugal

      I started laughing with the title and finished thinking about your final point. That´s the most important things to do in live: be kind to others, have fun and never let our fear of dead impede us from living our everyday lives - we never know when the next asteroid will fall ;)

    • DonnaCSmith profile image

      Donna Campbell Smith 9 years ago from Central North Carolina

      Deep thoughts to be pondered.