How does my poem sound? It's from my upcoming book, "The book of True Lyrics"

  1. Rakim Cheeks profile image60
    Rakim Cheeksposted 2 years ago

    How does my poem sound? It's from my upcoming book, "The book of True Lyrics"

    "My obstacles as a man"
    I humble myself as a man. Throughout my journey in life I had to understand that life doesn't give you any breaks. I got through my adversities, and I learned from my mistakes!

  2. pattyfloren profile image80
    pattyflorenposted 2 years ago

    Your poem is nice but it needs more. A t least two stanzas will do.  Perhaps talk about the mistakes you got through.  Just a suggestion.

  3. Ben Evans profile image72
    Ben Evansposted 2 years ago

    If you use rhyme, it should flow to sound good.  You are doing a good job telling a story but lets make it a little more lyrical.  Please note this is an example and I am not trying to change your poem.  You should write it in your own words.

    I humble myself as a man
    Throughout my life's  journey
    I had to understand.
    that life doesn't give any breaks
    I had many adversities
    and learned from my mistakes.

    The flow is important in the lyrics.  If there is a rhyme it has to flow otherwise it is hard to read.

    Write it read it.  Rewrite and read it again.  How does it sound?  If it sounds good and it is nice to read then people will like to read it also.

    I hope this helps.

 
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