ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel


Updated on March 3, 2011

Lynn had made a decision that was, at the time, the only one her circumstances seemed to allow. She and Bobby had discussed the dangers of her contacting the Spear’s accountant but she knew him to be an honest man, not one who would risk his career for anyone. She thought telling him about the HUD investigation would give him a chance to work his magic with the books, still keeping things legal and she could keep her job. He had listened carefully and told her he would look into it. Foolishly she expected some loyalty from him, that he would come up with a reason he needed to come down and do a financial report of some sort.

Mr. Spear was not a man to mince words or waste time. When she arrived at work she had barely sat down when he came in the office and addressed her. “Lynn, have you been going behind my back and cooperating with HUD?”

She saw no reason to lie, obviously caught, and replied that she had but that she wasn’t given a choice. Somewhere in her distorted mind she thought she could make him understand the position she had been put in and how she only did what she had to do. The fact that she had contacted his accountant should show she was trying to protect him too and not just her job. He listened to her ramble without saying a word. She reminded him, as if he wasn’t completely aware of the position they had put her in, that she was made complicit in this by them having her pay the bills from their private accounts with HUD subsidy. She told him she had never wanted to be drug into this mess by HUD or by him. She had been put in a lousy position and only did what she saw as a possible answer to the problem by contacting their accountant.

He would not look her in the eye and very simply replied, “How soon can you leave?’

Her heart was in her throat beating so hard it almost choked her. “You mean leave, as in I’m fired?”

“How soon can you move off of my property and get out of my sight?” His betrayal of her was a smart business move, her betrayal of him was inexcusable.

She wanted to fight, to threaten him with every dirty little secret of his she knew. She wanted to scream at him that she would tell his wife of his mistresses including the prostitute he made her move into one of the apartments. She wanted to beg, telling him of how she had not told HUD anything other than that she was writing out checks for their private accounts in addition to her job as manager, how she tried to minimize the damage, that yes, she made copies of the books but she hadn’t sent them, they were still hidden in her apartment. But all the while she knew her attempts would be futile. Even if he could be convinced to let her continue working there she would have to be a major player in the cover-up and if it was successful her participation would be expected to an ever greater degree.

She went to the locked box of apartment keys, took down one that fit her apartment door only and took her car keys off the ring, laying all of the master keys and office keys on the desk. “I’ll be out as soon as I can", was all she could manage, “I’ll have to look for a place…” She was thinking out loud, making a fool of herself and she left the office shutting the door quietly behind her. Sobs escaped her before she could even reach her car. She had no where to go, very little savings, no job, and her life was falling apart in a way she had never had to deal with before. Lynn started the car, backing out of the parking lot but could only drive a couple of blocks before she had to pull over. Tears blurred her vision and she was shaking so hard she couldn’t drive. Shame was what she felt, shame for letting him down, for going behind his back. Never mind that he set her up to take the fall if trouble came, never mind that he used people as puppets to do his dirty work. Then came the fear. How was she going to manage to move, find a job and support the kids. The kids. She had to try to stay in the area where they’d be in the same school district.

The sun shone through the windshield and the fresh air of spring blew the faint smell of flowers and new growth. It was a truly magnificent day. It should have been raining. There should be lightening and thunder, hail, flooding of the streets, winds whipping the trees and tearing limbs from tender saplings. As she drove she saw two women pushing their babies in strollers, enjoying the warm breeze and chatting happily. Car radios were turned up and there was a quickening to the steps of people out for a walk. Spring in the Midwest brought out the best in people. New promises, fresh starts, tiny green shoots pushing though the earth would soon become brightly colored blooms. It all seemed to mock her. She had no place in this, no part. As she struggled with the strange key to her apartment –the apartment, no longer hers, her hands shook. Shutting the door behind her, she looked around and saw burdens that would have to be packed and moved, not furnishings she had so proudly acquired. This was no longer a home. It was a place she must leave and leave as quickly as possible.

She sat at the kitchen table, the smell of morning coffee still lingered in the air. Just an hour before there had been music and laughter in this room as she and Bobby enjoyed their time together after the kids were taken to school. She knew he was probably home, yet the thought of seeing him right now brought no comfort. She would have to say out loud what her mind still hadn’t fully processed. Everything felt alien to her. She started to make a pot of coffee and then stopped. She had to get out of here! She needed to clear her head. There were answers, she just had to find them, she had to pull herself together and do it quickly.

Lynn drove to the one place that had always calmed her and helped her think from the time she was a child, to the river.  There was something about the Mississippi, all of its splendor and silent strength that had always felt she was in the presence of an old friend.  She walked down to the edge and found a large rock, warm from the sun. She sat, knees hugged up to her chest and let the waves that lapped at the shore smooth out the tightened muscles in her neck and shoulders.  Thoughts that had bombarded her now became more orderly.  She was regaining her balance and forming a plan.  She had been to this place before, many times.  She knew how to operate in survival mode.  This was doable.  There would be little room for emotion, just put one foot in front of the other and pull it together.  Avoid pain if you can, endure it if you can’t, but keep going.  Always keep going. 


Submit a Comment
  • Minnetonka Twin profile image

    Linda Rogers 

    7 years ago from Minnesota

    Incredible what nature can do for us. What a strong will Lynn has to go through all this and someone figure things out. Kudos my friend:)

  • Poohgranma profile imageAUTHOR


    7 years ago from On the edge

    Yes, her momma taught her how to survive and set a good example in that aspect! She could also budget money like a rich banker and taught Lynn those skills too so she was a good parent in a lot of ways!

  • stars439 profile image


    7 years ago from Louisiana, The Magnolia and Pelican State.

    What a rotten dirty dog boss. They come that way sometimes. Lynn was a survivor. God Bless You Dear And Precious Heart.

  • SomewayOuttaHere profile image


    7 years ago from TheGreatGigInTheSky

    ...this was very well written...i don't like that surreal feeling...when your life feels like it is crashing down and everyone around you is moving with a different rhythm....


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)