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Choose To Remember: a poem
Language of My Soul At The Time
My New Zealander husband Adrian Shiels, died in 2003 but he had been bedridden for two years till the end. I wrote the following narrative to myself on January 4, 2001 when I had to quit my job to take care of him. It was among the lowest point of my life and I felt so isolated considering the many years I spent in the academe as a professor, in my Masters studies and other social activities.
I just share it here to remind everyone that life have twists beyond human control and regardless of the best efforts we offer for its enjoyment and success.
I entitled it Choose to Remember, here it goes;
Choose to Remember
Why are you so sad my dearest?
You look so awful;You don't take a bath;
You don't comb your hair;
You don't wash your face;
Your dirty and skinny face sags;
You don't even change your clothes for many days;
Look in the mirror; your eyes are fixed to nowhere; your brows meet; your forehead wrinkles, you look a century older;
Your lips are pouting and dry; have you anything for your stomach yet?
Is this how you want yourself to look?
Why do you brood and sulk? Sitting down in the dark corner of this cold room with bowed head and drooping shoulders;
Bended long knees reaching above your head;
How long have you been in this condition? Days? Months? Years?
You don't go out any more like you used to do; you don't talk to people who are more in need for your words of comfort;
You are so dysfunctional even for your personal well-being.
What is the big deal?
Is it because you believe that nobody cares for you?
Is it because you are convinced that nobody remembers you?
Is it a feeling of rejection?
Is it deprivation of material possessions?
Or is it a belief that you are a failure or a loser in life?
Is it a feeling that you are at a dead-end in life's journey?
What exactly is it that brought you to this miserable state?
That you just have to drift to nothingness making your life worthless in the process?
Do you feel that all your dreams and wishes had turned to ashes?
Now, my Beloved, take a long deep breath; Listen to my counsel once and for all.
You still have the mind to remember; use it if just for now.
Remember how you used to be; how you always are yesterday, today and through eternity;
Recall what you used to teach me on life's reality.
Do you remember who you are?
Remember your natural state of being; "I am a survivor" remember saying this?
Remember you are an asset, a treasure and a joy to those around you?
Remember your inheritance? Remember your true love? Your feelings of love?
Remember who loves you with such unconditional love? Remember He delights in serving you? Remember he He provides everything for you "according to His riches in glory"?
Start looking at the brighter side of life. Notice that the dark side is there to illumine the light. Just choose to remember that the sun rises after the darkest dawn.
Remember that the most powerful weapon against darkness is to shine.
Fear not the shadows, don't let them bother you, never allow them to pull you down, use them as your footstool instead to catapult you to the brightest star above.
Arise now My Beloved!
Clean up and purge yourself.
Choose gladness and a merry heart; whistle a tune or two if you must.
Choose wisdom and discernment. Re-enlist and summon your bright experiences of joy and success.
Choose love and compassion;
Choose forgiveness and peace;
Choose hope and faith;
Choose to believe;
Choose dignity, health, beauty and prosperity;
Choose goodness and kindness;
Focus your mind to the Light within you;
Only then will the shadows disappear;
So choose to remember.
Sometimes, only us (you, I) can lift us up from life's miseries.
Everything we need is already within us, if we just choose to remember...remember that even the darkest cloud has its silver lining.