lamentations of long ago

LAMENTATIONS

They always left me

They left me alone.

They said I was too fat,

too dark, too short

too black.

They said my hair was

too ethnic and my lips

too full.

“What is wrong with me?”

I’d ask the reflection in the mirror.

The very sound of my voice

sent them into fits of anger.

I was too needy

for their attention,

too affectionate

for their caring.

I was not even sexy

enough, not to mention.

I wanted a commitment,

They wanted a fling.

I was told not to

get too close

and that I’d never

be number one.

I was told

my feet were too fat

and my clothes

not tight enough.

I was told I

was too smart

and that I read too much

and smiled too much

and didn’t smile enough

and sang too much

and laughed too much

and didn’t laugh enough

and cried too much

and prayed too much.

and didn‘t pray enough.

I would never

be good enough.

There was always

someone better.

“Why, God, did you make me this way?”