Loaded is a Question

A Question and the Mark

A question, as well as the mark, are important punctuation points to focus on. The term, question is loaded with a message in and of itself. Quest-i-on, the mark reminds that there is a question or an inquiry being made. The asking of self-questions begins internally, in the thinking process, unless a voice is added to ask and answer or to comment. It is considered inner dialogue (meditation or thought) with no utterance.

Scripture granted me the help to see questions clearly, to ask myself the question, as well as to read it or hear it. What is the quest I am on? It depends on the issue or topic to think it through and find an appropriate answer accordingly. It is the quest that the third aspect of my being is on. "I", a single journey, yet there are myriads of people on the same quest at different times, and in different places.

If I could go back in time, what would I do differently? I most definitely would have added repentance before, during, and after all of my breathing, senses, and deeds, I would have repented of all good to good, to ensure good's prosperity in time, the earth, and the world. I would have repented about the evil to evil to be able to shun it exponentially. Keeping and aligning things under created, formed, and natural law, ensuring the practice of words to be the doer of the word itself. What good does the word repent do if I am not willing to do it? Prayers need it to make preyers that are not birds, cease from the troubling.

The ability to practice repentance is all of my ways, prepares the doer of the word, not the hearer only, and makes deception unavailable and off limits. Deception bows only to truth, repentance confirms truths, even when they cannot be proven by me. it is what understanding being born a gain means, I was not born to be a loss to my parents and family, but a gain. I was added for created as well as naturally established purposes, unknown and unaware.

I have never invited nor have I consented that sin or deception could accompany me on my journey. Repentance is breaking up that fallow ground. Whose consent is it to allow sin to and, without my own consent, have its way with me? I repent of giving my consent to non-repentable sin in this lifespan, and to be content no matter what state I am in. States produce status, sin is never going to be my status quo.

Retrospectively, seeing from this present place of now, has allowed me space to gaze in the rear-view mirror of all my experiences that I can remember. and see a space and place I ascertain as a void, empty, meaning something was missing from the capacity to gain and not subtract from my purpose.

Repentance is simply letting the Most High know that I acknowledge these sins or inconsistencies and that I am willing to atone accordingly. Tone is crucial in how I approach this fragile place of being; most prayer is quiet, gentle, full of respect and kindness. Finding the correct tone is a plus. I never want to get too comfortable with the Creator that I do not feel that I need to repent. Repentance is simply part of the process, and there is a place called repentance in my breath, and when I fail to do so, I am holding myself back, not others; it is a type of self-abandonment through the operation of prayer. When I repent, I see and feel a difference in my heart, elevation, and ascension in thinking as well, which is a present reality. I rise, thank you goes to Maya Angelou, for penning such a term.

Why does one ask God questions they have not first asked themselves? I will allow you to answer that. Why me? Perhaps the biggest question one should ask when the details about that situation or circumstance reside pent up inside, unless experienced with someone else. Yet the experience is given to God for a solution. How come it is not first given to me by me? Questions must be answered by oneself, as well as those equipped to counsel.

Why does equalizing instead of seeking equity and justice for these situations feel as if we were not the ones experiencing them? If it is my experience and not others. The ability to reason is last in the translation. I have found that whether you deem yourself a saint or a sinner, this is a common thing, not necessarily a spiritual thing at that point. Naturally speaking, until the awareness of sin shows up, turning to a higher power is a natural thing.

In my first conversation with God, I asked the question. Why? not necessarily why me, but it was me who was asking the question. I didn’t even ask myself whose life it was being affected, why? No one was around; it was a note I had written and placed in a Bible in the house where I dwelled. I don’t recall the chapter or the page; I just randomly put it there, believing that it would be acknowledged.

Until this day, I don’t know if it was seen or read by anyone, or if anyone would gaze upon it, because I wrote it to God. So I am familiar with writings directed to God only. In retrospect, now do I think. I have heard you don’t question God from others after the fact. I had already accomplished asking a question of God long before I heard that it was taboo, so to speak. Only my present reality can or do I have access to the past as a reference book because of my memorial receipts, in other words, the memory being my receipt.

Pain and heartache don't wait until you stop hurting; it is a whirlwind that ushers the heart towards God for answers. Sin had to be acknowledged to understand the why. The need to want to talk with God with others in the world is a touchy subject. The Scripture where I placed the note, I did not read on that day, the burning inside of me just wanted to speak, just not in spoken words.

Coming close to the latter part of a teenager filled with grief and loss gave me the reason to reach out to who I believed could understand how I felt. I didn’t want to talk or interact with anyone else. It is a sad place not to desire to speak with others concerning life challenges, a lonely place until understanding explains the difference between lonely and alone.

A Fragrance of Authenticity

This would be a reason that I believe an offering before starting a conversation with God is necessary. Repentance is the key to communicating with God. Sin is the refusal to want to grow or even go any further on the journey if the ability to repent is not there. One produces another path void of repentance. The refusal to grow should not be present during the natural transformation of the human body; it produces confusion. Sin simply alerts that something has gone wrong before separation can be perceived to detect what the threats may be. It is a vulnerable position to be in, to have to choose God, whom I cannot see, over the people that I can see and hear, and they can hear me as well.

Naturally speaking, the mind was not in the place that it should have been for teenage life, very iniquitous and lawless. The despair was apparent, but what path to take was not reachable; but prayer, certainly, was available through all the teenage chaos, which appeared to be normal. Noise and teenagers are too real. I didn’t know then that the refusal to address sin was a loud and noisy way to spend time.

Sin bows to no one and nothing but repentance, and the sorrows the symphonies play, it knows not to play with God; it is unrepentant sinners that play dumb. Sin bowing to repentance produces less noise. Sin is full of noise makers. Refusing to practice self-control, not controlling anyone else besides myself, first and foremost. Sin will find you out before anyone else can.

Moreover, on the inside, these pent-up feelings needed an outlet. Repentance takes place through writing. No answer is needed from anyone else but you. Not learning from mistakes is not growing in some areas, and not in all areas, and does not put life on hold until that area is addressed. Repentance can at times operate as a passover; it seems to pass over sins that need to be addressed right away, yet other things are happening that are not apparent. The law has to be consulted for the question to be answered appropriately under the law, but I didn't know or understand the law. I was introduced because of these teenage woes to mercy and grace.

There are too many other tasks to be done as part of one’s individual workload of established purpose assignments. It is the routine of doing the same work day in and day out without changes in venue that produces repetitive cycles and patterns that appear to be unbreakable, which also fosters the notion of no change, when the focus is always changing. Breathing is a repetition, a cycle, and a pattern of relevance.

Asking myself why? It is only pointing to other questions, when, where, what, and how, which leads to the answering of why, not the who, other than me initially. Conflict emerges with cases involving the who, other than the self, because I do not know them, but things about or concerning them. This is why sticking to the issue alone is the most productive in finding a solution, not generating more problems.

Inquiring why of myself only pertains to me, and not others. When others require words from me, it should be through asking me a question and getting an answer, or asking why did they ask me? Listening is a mature aspect of communication; it will ignite hearing because I need my ears to hear, not necessarily to listen. Listening is a valuable part of communication. It is dependent upon assessment, not necessarily access.

So, it is this present now, as fleeting as it is, that I reminisce about these principles and premises, still looking for a remedy for today, only if I passed over it yesterday., not merely looking in the past, the past is looking to me for solutions, that if ignored will inevitably be recycled, and produce patterns for repetition and not solution. It is a request for information from past endeavors that helps complete the present reality towards authenticity, not an imposter or pretender.

Those who are called to act go on stage; that is not my calling, although the shadow of life is a stage. Revelation is a rehearing of life that is not a rehearsal. Quests are tasks that needed to be done to get stronger. Prayer is a journey on every level. Prayer is the sweetest hour that called me from a world of care; it bid me at repentance's throne to make all my wants and wishes known, in seasons of distress and grief, my soul has always found relief in how to escape the tempter's snare, and turn again to the sweet hour of prayer.

Two words that sound alike are pray and prey, but are spelled differently. Intent moves them both. Preyers are predators. Why do they prey? They are working with predated and outdated information that doesn't pertain to the timeline or timeframe being experienced, without considering time as a vital factor of current events, and a line of demarcation.

Line upon line, precept upon precept, a little here and a little there to assist the purpose to understand matters better. I will not rule out the old for the new; now is a better way of respecting both. Old information should be added, not subtracted, and expect the present reality to be capable of future endeavors. Presently known as now, not then, then will always be in alignment with then, then will always follow a now, a now will always follow then. Then is contrasted to now, a plow of semantics. Semantics that work against, and not for the purpose, are merely folly and foolishness that are uninstructed constructs. Structure is the bigger picture!

Dated information was given a date for distinction concerning days. Time is a construct not possessing the power to instruct or reveal truth. For measurement and distinction, it has proven to be more relevant than irrelevant for definition. Finite is limited at a now yet defining moment and bears no witness to later. Later, I can complete the information that was not available to me then, yet then is a pivotal point. My past experiences are to me a reference book that only I am in for my own examination to complete the present reality.

Artificial constructs: To con the structure of its established purpose, towards self or another source. The Scripture warned of this mishap, changing the truth of God into a lie and serving a creature equally to the service of the Creator. I admit I would not know a creature, except the Creator is their Creator, from the Creator they mirror excellence that is evident of who they are, formed beings are not and never will be equal to creation, yet all are from the Creator directly as well as indirectly. Biology did not assign any creature rights to me; I am a daughter, not a creature. I believe wholeheartedly in created law and the alignment of myself under it by repentance only.

Asking why of God produced this quest I am on in its entirety. I count it all joy.