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The Day Poohgranma Left

Updated on February 18, 2011

I didn’t want to be the one who told you but she has left me behind to pass on the news of her leaving.  She struggled for so many years from Depression and Anxiety disorders that left her a prisoner in her own home, in her own mind.  She fought it, God knows she tried, every therapy, every medication with their excruciating side effects, she tried them all. 

For a time she was able to push back the pain and humiliation of what she’d become.  At almost sixty years of age her health and body were more like that of an eighty year old.  Chronic pain kept her from doing much and the less she did the less she was able to do.  Muscles atrophied, weight kept piling on, only adding to the strain on her heart.  She was reduced to a shadow of her former self and it was this shadow that you came to know through her writing. 

She loved coming here to HubPages, reading the offerings of her favorite authors and she loved writing and the encouragement she received from all of you.  It meant so much to her.  She was connected to a world outside of her reclusive, self imposed, existence. She was able to relive happy moments of her life and share them, her way of saying it has been a life with good times too, don’t look at what I am now and feel pity, I have loved and been loved, I was once full of energy and life.

But, as happens with people who live on the edge of this cruel disease, Depression, she finally succumbed to its call and chose to end what had become too painful of an existence.  She had some days of clarity, remembering when she could function so well.  The daily tasks of living were no problem.  She had a temporary lift and looked around her, seeing the daunting pile of neglected work. It was too much.  She was overwhelmed and as with most of these cases, she could not see an end, a time it would get better. Once she fell into that deep black abyss again, there was no more strength to fight, no more will to go on the way things were.

The name Poohgranma came when her first grandchild was born and her parent’s nicknamed her Pooh. Pooh granma distinguished her from her other grandmother, who loves to play the slots and attends bingo, thus her nickname Bingo Grandma. At the time she was a mere 43 and the name hardly fit. She was slender, full of excitement and a love of life and all the promises it held. She beat back the challenges, not with ease, but she triumphed over and over again. However, the next eighteen years would hold so many challenges coming one on top of the other, too quickly, beating down her reserves of strength. She started using the name Poohgranma as her online name wherever she went. She disliked it when people changed their user names as if to disguise who they were so the name stuck and for many years that is who she was, who she became.  She has become obsolete.

The Phoenix is a mythical bird that ignites into a fireball at death, and then a fully-grown new Phoenix rises from the ashes.

Ole Pooh is gone now and I am left in her place. I will link to her stories as I add mine. You can call me Phoenix.


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  • Poohgranma profile image

    Poohgranma 6 years ago from On the edge

    tim, sent you a message. Thanks for stopping by!

  • profile image

    tlmntim9 6 years ago

    Had no idea you were but a butterfly in a crysallis. Spread those wings. Just dropped by to see if ya was still kicking, hear so little from you these days.

    Tim W


  • Poohgranma profile image

    Poohgranma 6 years ago from On the edge

    You're very sweet. Yes, God refines us so we can be better used, if we let Him. Always a free choice. I'd much rather go through the fire for His reasons, than go through them without hope on the other side of it.

  • NotWiredThatWay profile image

    NotWiredThatWay 6 years ago from New York

    Phoenix - Out of the ashes... What do they say about trial by fire? Pooh or Phoenix, you're still special.

  • Poohgranma profile image

    Poohgranma 6 years ago from On the edge

    Some of the more - uhhh - sensual writing I have barely touched upon may be taken better coming from Phoenix than the image of someone's grandmother ,,,, know what I mean? LOL also, there will be episodes coming that will require all of Phoenix's type of strength to write about. I'm afraid I'm doomed to be ole Pooh to most though ... Oh Bother

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image

    Linda Rogers 6 years ago from Minnesota

    I have to say that I have delved into Poohs life much more than the Phoenix but to me they are one of the same. I am a huge fan and friend of yours and I thank you for gracing us on Hubpages with your talent.

  • Poohgranma profile image

    Poohgranma 6 years ago from On the edge

    You charmer, how could I ever leave your gracious responses to my writing or ever do without your brilliant writes? I won;t go anywhere ... on purpose anyway.

  • epigramman profile image

    epigramman 6 years ago

    ...well don't ever leave us - no matter what persona or alter-ego you choose .... just keep rising from the ashes and deliver to us your unique writing style and that 'excellent' mind behind it!!!!!!

  • Poohgranma profile image

    Poohgranma 6 years ago from On the edge

    @ Just Life, it is very hard for me to kill off Poohgranma. She has been accepted by this loving group of writers and may forever remain Pooh. It's like being a character actor though and it's tough to write some of the things I'd like to with this persona so I have tried to branch out into other areas as Phoenix. I think they are mixing and becoming one but I don't want them to, not just yet.

  • profile image

    Just Life 6 years ago

    I wish I had found her before she left. I am so moved right now.

  • poddys profile image

    Tony Payne 6 years ago from Southampton

    RIP Poohgranma, you will be missed. Keep up the good work Phoenix.

  • Wayne Brown profile image

    Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas

    From the ashes...rise up like a Phoenix unto the sky. Pooh has left the building and now Phoenix will guide her fans to new heights...good luck with your new venture! WB

  • saddlerider1 profile image

    saddlerider1 6 years ago

    There is a time and place for us and a time to shed our skins and leave behind some if not all of our ugly past. I have struggled most of my life living there and it wasn't until I realized who I was and the person inside of me wanted to stop screaming and get out of the shell I kept it in.

    I to released the past me and let it disappear into the dark abyss and it now only comes out in some of my writes to remind me of where I came from.

    I welcome the new you and look forward to reading what Phoenix brings forth. Goodbye Pooh and welcome the new you Phoenix, now spread your wings and fly. Hugs

  • SomewayOuttaHere profile image

    SomewayOuttaHere 6 years ago from TheGreatGigInTheSky

    ...hey Phoenix...i like that...rising from the ashes....reminds me a bit of the "Tzinquaw" - the Thunderbird (Coast Salish belief)....strength; very powerful...

    ...i'm looking forward to reading what Phoenix has to say...mind you Pooh has shared some amazing stories of her strength and power...from her heart and straight over to my heart...thanks Pooh!...i bet Pooh will pop by sometimes...cuz I figure she has more to say.... :)

  • stars439 profile image

    stars439 6 years ago from Louisiana, The Magnolia and Pelican State.

    Dear Phoenix : Poohgranma will be missed. God Bless You.