How You Can Prepare For A Zombie Attack
You never know when the zombie wars will officially begin
We have been warned for years about the inevitable zombie apocalypse. Sure, we listened to the CDC when they told us what we should have in our preparedness kits, but are we ready for the moment when you are faced with a swarm of zombies heading right towards you and those you love?
Here are my suggestions on ways to prepare.
#1 - Wear A Hat
Protection at its simplest
It's a known fact that zombies feed on brains. Why make it easy for them to get to yours? A helmet would be stronger, sure, but you might feel a bit silly wearing one every waking minute. Plus, they can't be comfortable to sleep in.
A hat, on the other hand, is an "ordinary fashion accessory". You can even find a nice ski cap to wear at night so you can feel safer while you sleep. Should a zombie be in reach of your head, that extra bit of brain protection will come in handy. I promise.
#2 - RUN!
...or walk really fast. Just get away!
One of the challenges zombies face is how the whole process of becoming undead really slows a former person down. Unfortunately, the steady, slow pace of a zombie can catch up with someone...eventually.
Running is your best bet. Most of us need proper motivation to exercise. I can't think of a better reason to get in shape than to improve your survival odds against a zombie attack. Okay, I could, but this lens is about fighting zombies, not health benefits!
#3 - Pretend You're A Zombie, Too
If you can't beat 'em, join 'em
I'm not sure this technique will work if you are face to face with a zombie. They must have a good sense of smell to be able to find sources of brains. However, if all they see up ahead is another zombie...one who kindly gestures the lack of fresh brains in the area, of course...then why wouldn't they turn around and go a different direction?
We can hope this plan works. We can only hope.
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#4 - Feed Them Some Faux Brains
If it doesn't work, at least they are tasty!
What do zombies trust more? Their eyes or their noses? I have no idea. I do know that you can whip up some realistic looking brains with the help of a brain shaped food mold. If it looks good enough to eat, and is conveniently skull-free, why wouldn't a zombie try it before your actual brain?
This recipe is courtesy of DivineDinnerParty.com. Check it out for additional spooky recipes!
- 3 (12 oz.) cans evaporated milk
- 4 (1/4 oz.) pkgs. unflavored powdered gelatin
- 1 1/2 C. whipping cream
- 1 C. sugar
- 2 tbsp. vanilla extract
- 1/2 tsp. salt
- 2 oz. whiskey (optional)
- Black paste food coloring
- as needed
- 8 oz. cranberry juice (optional - for the "gore" glaze)
- 2 tbsp. cornstarch (optional - for the "gore" glaze)
- 1. In a medium heat-safe mixing bowl, stir together 4 envelopes of gelatin and one can of evaporated milk. (This mixture needs to sit at least five minutes.)
- 2. Pour remaining evaporated milk and whipping cream into a heavy sauce pan. Slowly bring to a boil.
- 3. Add sugar, salt, and whiskey to boiling milk mixture. Stir til dissolved.
- 4. Remove from heat and pour boiling milk mixture through a fine-mesh strainer into the gelatin-evaporated milk mixture.
- 5. Stir in vanilla extract. Add a touch of black paste food coloring for a realistic "grey matter" color.
- 6. Following the manufacturer's directions for your gelatin brain mold, pour mixture into your brain mold and refrigerate overnight.
- To make the optional "gore" glaze:
- 1. In a small, heavy saucepan, combine cranberry juice and cornstarch.
- 2. Bring gently to a boil. Boil, stirring, until thickened.
- 3. Remove from heat and allow to come to room temperature. Stir with a wire wisk.
- 4. Spoon over set, unmolded brain.
- 5. Mixture will get slightly lumpy and strange-looking upon cooling-- this is just what you want and makes the final product look that much more gory.
#5 - Strategic Gardening - Because no one likes zombies on their lawn!
Thanks to our friends at PopCap Games, we know that plants can, in fact, defeat zombies. They may call this a "video game", but I call it an interactive how-to manual.
Wish I knew where to find walnuts that tall, though.