Reporting Back to Base!

‘Simuling horifuj hek enjalick coravim...’

THUD!

Ah, now that's better... managed to get the translator going for the benefit of any of those primitive life forms down there who may have tuned in inadvertently. Not sure we're even on the same wavelength but not to worry.

Translator operative.

E-N- G- L- I- S- H

yes, that's right, the most widespread language apparently. Someone, somewhere on this strange world might just sit up and take notice if they hear our report - try to change things a bit. You never know, there could still be hope.

Remember what happened to Revordan? Well, it's happening here too. Nice blue planet, as blue as the moons of Haloma, plenty of water, adequate land mass and only halfway through its cosmic life... but the inhabitants!

All that water and over a billion of the supposedly intelligent life forms on this planet they call ‘Earth’ have no access to it, or if they do have access, the supply is often contaminated. One of their young dies every fifteen seconds due to unsafe drinking water but in some places, they use far too much - as much as a hundred and thirty-five Litres a day in somewhere called UK. Even the swamp monsters of Veriso aren't that liberal with such a precious commodity!

I transported down to take samples of this species that are fouling up their own nest...

It doesn't seem they'll ever advance their technology beyond any acceptable degree so they pose little threat to anywhere else in the cosmos. They keep sending probes out into space though... that's how I found out where their planet was in the first place by the way. It's a pity they can't put their own world to rights first, before searching for somewhere new.

I would give them fifty of their earth years, seventy-five at the most before they have ruined the ecology of their planet altogether. I can already see a significant difference since my last visit. The burning of fossil fuels is taking its toll. The skies are thickening with dust and debris and toxic emissions and there is little sign of any improvement being made although, in all fairness to these beings, I am monitoring the situation closely.

These earth-hogs have not yet managed to harness nuclear power successfully and are destroying their environment. I would strongly recommend that extermination of the existing earth-hogs may be necessary ultimately, not only to preserve the planet but also to ensure redistribution of displaced populations from the dying star system in Quadrant A76.

Geology on earth seems reasonably stable. Weather patterns fair. Brilliant eco-system, one of the best I've seen in fact. But they're ruining it these darn earth-hogs. Too many of them and they're breeding far too quickly!

Dynamics between members of this species is very poor. They kill each other frequently and this seems unconnected with their need for sustenance and has little or no effect on reducing the increase in population.

It is unlikely that the specimens I have selected for observation will be missed - the down-and-out from Dunoon, the carpet seller from Cairo and the prostitute from Palma. I couldn't get much sense out of any of them and they didn't believe me when I told them where I was from... they just thought I was some weirdo in fancy dress.

‘No, these are real flippers,’ I told them, ‘perfectly designed for the oceans of Orivor.’ Next time I'll be a bit more selective.

They do take some convincing these earth-hogs but taking them on a spin round their sun did the trick, I think. Not bad going for the down-and-out who had never been further afield than the Scottish border. I had every intention of depositing them back exactly where I found them but the trip around their star proved too profound an experience and they had no inclination to return to their earth after that. They have become terribly inquisitive about our own planet ever since. I suspect they are now trying to study us.

The prostitute was more than just a bit inquisitive since our home planet, owing to its diverse selection of intelligent life-forms could easily provide her with more scope for business than she'd ever imagined.

Perhaps they can learn from us. So I will take them back to Wirilan, temporarily of course. I shall continue to keep a careful record of my little experiment...