ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Books, Literature, and Writing»
  • Commercial & Creative Writing»
  • Creative Writing»
  • Humor Writing

The ADD Way: A Self-Help Guide for Neurotypicals (Normals) Who Want More ADD in Their Life

Updated on May 5, 2012

What the world needs is a bit more ADD. There is only (roughly) 8-10% of us out there and it’s not fair that the majority of society is robbed from the rollercoaster ride of an ADD mind. So for those of you who are ready to ADD a bit more flare (see: blaze, as is in, inferno) to their lives, I have written a self-help segment for you.

It’s not for everyone.

In 18 easy steps (1+8 = 9 which is < 10, which is far too many steps) I will instruct you on how to tackle everyday things with a revolutionary approach that will change the way you see the world and help you to handle mundane tasks in an extraordinary way. Life changing stuff. Follow these simple instructions, and you too can be more ADD.

Putting together IKEA furniture the ADD Way

1. Got to IKEA.

2. Nick someone`s passenger door when parking your car.

3. Get overwhelmed by the crowd. Buy a bookcase.

4. Go home, run out of gas on the way.

5. Get home an hour later than planned.

6. Open up the box. Lose three of the screws.

7. Look at the instructions. Then cry.

8. Throw the instructions out.

9. Put the sides of book case together by screwing two of the four shelves in.

10. Decide it’s the wrong colour. Paint the shelves with glitter glue and cut-outs from a bridal magazine.

11. Put some books on the self.

12. Realize you haven’t finished building it; put the rest of the shelves on. When you get to the end and have run out of screws, use chewing gum and scotch tape to hold it together.

13. Then, look for a position in the room that the bookcase will fit, or if necessary – decide on the room you want it in.

14. Move the book case to that spot. If you can’t find a spot, this is a good time to decide if you actually need a book case.

15. Injure your foot as the bookcase falls apart and everything lands on that foot.

16. Scream, swear and stomp on the debris with your other foot.

17. Throw the bookcase out and stick all the books back under your bed.

18. Remember you left your purse at the checkout and drive back to IKEA.

Presto! You have put a bookcase together the ADD Way! Easy, isn’t it?

Clearly this guy needs my instructions (and to lay off the coffee0


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Nordy profile image

      Nordy 5 years ago from Canada

      Theophanes - I'm sorry to hear you don't have ADD. Watch this space, you may be able to acquire it if you try really hard. "What the hell was I doing?" is kind of my life motto.

      denisemai - You have inside knowledge, my hat goes off to you. When I look at my mom's grey hair, I wonder how many of them are my responsibility. I will check out your hub!

      teaches12345 - You are so right about putting things together never being as simple as the instructions sound. I hate the crude drawings IKEA sometimes uses, its like they are laughing at us and jeering that it is so simple a kid could do it.thanks for the up!


    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 5 years ago

      I could use some ADD like the guy in the video when assembling new furniture. I enjoyed your hub humor and the step by step description of putting together an item. Nothing is ever as simple as it sounds when it comes to putting something together. Voted up.

    • denisemai profile image

      Denise Mai 5 years ago from Idaho

      Haha! Well, I just wrote a parenting hub and talked a bit about my son who has ADHD. In researching it I learned that pretty much anybody who has done something historic or great athletically or creatively has ADHD. So, hey. You're in fantastic company! I chuckled at your instructions. PS--My son just ran out of gas last week!

    • Theophanes profile image

      Theophanes 5 years ago from New England

      I don't have ADD but I certainly have ADD moments like you've described, usually caused by three days of intense concentration and a woeful lack of sleep. Rarely does it end in sanity or a lack of frustration crying, and it always provides a mystery for the next day. "What the hell was I doing? Why was this so hard?"