The One For Me, Back in 1993
My "The One That Got Away"
I was just beginning the roller coaster ride
of learning exactly who I am,
or who I wanted to be.
I began to wonder
as nearly all of us must do
who that boy would be
to make my heart feel new.
I was awkward in stature
outgoing and cute
no one would look at me
the way I wished them to.
I marched in the band
I cheered on our team
I wanted you to see me
You were my dream.
There was that poodle perm
My wire frame glasses Gama would wear
My eyes how they glittered
Off metal in my mouth I do swear.
I always made honor role
Earned my letter my freshman year
Grades were always impeccable
So pops I would not fear.
Then there was one day
I saw him though he never saw me
The boy who stole my heart
Moved in, back in 1993.
He had a brother and a sister
Both his parents to boot
Mom and Dad divorced and remarried
I never had that stability, not even one root.
He had a basketball hoop
Dribbling that ball all morning
I could hear him up in my room
I hoped it would never start storming.
He was the cutest boy I had ever seen
The memory still takes my breath away
His hand the first I did hold
I prayed God would let him stay.
I used to laugh when he "just forgot"
We couldn't put to words what to say
The notes we passed between us
I still have to this day.
We became quick friends
Who were never really apart
Dated very briefly thus breaking
My fragile teenage heart.
He broke up with me in a note
That he wrote quickly in his high school class
Rollerblading up to my front door
The note breaking up with me, not HIS ass.
The next four years we shared a bond
That couldn't ever seem to be broken
My feelings were so overloaded
I buried them deep, down with the unspoken.
It wasn't long after I graduated
Of course he was there for me
Never would I call where he would ignore
My best friend he became, that was the key.
We blossomed in our "relationship,"
for we never knew what it was called
The passion was too intense
I needed time to stall.
We never did go further
As we both had wanted it to
The deeper our feelings stemmed
Each level we reached was something new.
We were only 18 years old
No experience to compare
Speechless to rush of emotions
That caught us both unaware.
After a intense and memorable night
When he stopped us from going a too far
He whispered he cared too much about me
But I just ran out to my car.
I felt in a frenzy over those words
I had waited six year to finally hear
Now that I had laid in his arms
What he said caused me great fear.
I thought I did something wrong
That something wasn't wrong with me
For why did he make me wait so long
When all the time he had my heart for free.
I should have stopped to listen
To clarify what was meant by what he said
He cared so much about me
Sex not what he wanted, it was me instead.
I didn't ever stop to think
That what he said was what he meant
Never did I consider he knew I loved him
Instead off into the distance I went.
I never stopped to think when I walked away
To turn around and look back just one more time
That when I walked away from what was meant to be
I did a disservice to us and maybe in time I'd be fine.
There is nothing I wouldn't have done
For the boy next door, my best friend
He was my "One that got away"
And when I left, in my life I started a trend.
I went through my life of heartaches
Failures of which are too many to divulge
I was with way too many men, overcompensating
Now I live in loneliness and sex I do not indulge.
There was a reason for me to be single
For that I needed time and space
I have always had this gut feeling
That the reason had a familiar face.
The last time I had seen him
Is implanted in my mind so clear
I missed him so much it hurt sometimes
I wish I had let go of my fear.
I lied to myself and everyone I told
The guitarist was my first love is what I said
The reality I should have acknowledged
If I had than my chances wouldn't be dead.
I always referred to the musician
As the first boyfriend I had ever had
In reality my friend was first
And hiding it now looks pitiful and sad.
I never thought I would see a day
That we would have talked once more
The internet has opened up new avenues
When I heard from him I nearly fell on the floor
He sent me a friend request you see
It has been nearly 16 years by now
I stared at it in disbelief
Wondering if there was something wrong.
I must have been seeing things
That weren't really there
I was confused as to why now
I had been the one that hadn't been fair.
He had been out with his friend
Someone we both had known
He showed the friend my pictures
Of a time before we were all grown.
We caught up on our own lives
I learned a lot more about him
Offering up my old friendship
Even those chances seemed dim.
I tried not to let those old feelings
Seep back into my heart
I couldn't stop it from leaking
Back to where we had part.
He would probably just say hello
Than not talk to me at all
With four hundred friends to keep up with
It will be easier to try and not fall.
I guess that I didn't think I would feel this way
When 16 years had gone by
But how could I not when I remember
Those qualities inside him do lie.
I curse the woman that has hurt him
And myself for walking away
I hate that I still can't express
How I much I really want him to stay.
I have thought about him every moment
since he up and walked back into my life
How can I keep my old friendship
And never cause him anymore strife.