The One For Me, Back in 1993

I was just beginning the roller coaster ride

learning exactly who I am,

or who I wanted to be.

I began to wonder

as nearly all of us must do,

who that boy would be

to make my heart feel new.

I was awkward in stature

outgoing and cute,

no one would look at me

the way I wished them to.

I marched in the band

I cheered on our team,

I wanted you to see me

You were my dream.

There was that bad perm

My wire frame glasses old people wear,

My eyes how they glittered

Off metal in my mouth So don’t stare!

I always made honor role

Earned my letter my freshman year,

Grades were always impeccable

So pops I would not fear.

Then there was one day

I saw him though he never saw me,

The boy who stole my heart

Moved in, back in 1993.

He had a brother and a sister

Both his parents to boot,

Mom and Dad divorced and remarried

I never had that stability, not even one root.

He had a basketball hoop

Dribbling that ball all morning,

I could hear him up in my room

I hoped it would never start storming.

He was the cutest boy I had ever seen

The memory still takes my breath away,

His hand the first I did hold

I prayed God would let him stay.

I used to laugh when he "just forgot"

We couldn't put to words what to say,

The notes we passed between us

I still have to this day.

We became quick friends

Who were never really apart,

Dated very briefly thus breaking

My fragile teenage heart.

He broke up with me in a note

That he wrote quickly in his high school class,

Rollerblading up to my front door

The note breaking up with me, not HIS ass.

The next four years we shared a bond

That couldn't ever seem to be broken,

My feelings were so overloaded

I buried them deep, down with the unspoken.

It wasn't long after I graduated

Of course he was there for me,

Never would I call where he would ignore

My best friend he became, that was the key.

We blossomed in our "relationship,"

for we never knew what it was called,

The passion was too intense

I needed time to stall.

We never did go further

As we both had wanted it to,

The deeper our feelings stemmed

Each level we reached was something new.

We were only 18 years old

No experience to compare,

Speechless to rush of emotions

That caught us both unaware.

After a intense and memorable night

When he stopped us from going too far,

He whispered he cared too much about me

But I just ran out to my car.

I felt in a frenzy over those words

I had waited six years to finally hear,

Now that I had laid in his arms

What he said caused me great fear.

I thought I did something wrong

That something was wrong with me,

For why did he make me wait so long

When all the time he had my heart for free.

I should have stopped to listen

To clarify what was meant by what he said,

He cared so much about me

Sex not what he wanted, it was me instead.

I didn't ever stop to think

That what he said was what he meant,

Never did I consider he knew I loved him

Instead off into the distance I went.

I never stopped to think when I walked away

To turn around and look back just one more time,

That when I walked away from what was meant to be

I did a disservice to us and maybe in time I'd be fine.

There is nothing I wouldn't have done

For the boy next door, my best friend

He was my "One that got away"

And when I left, in my life I started a trend.

I went through my life of heartaches

Failures of which are too many to divulge,

I was with way too many men, overcompensating

Now I live in loneliness and sex I do not indulge.

There was a reason for me to be single

For that I needed time and space,

I have always had this gut feeling

That the reason had a familiar face.

The last time I had seen him

Is implanted in my mind so clear,

I missed him so much it hurt sometimes

I wish I had let go of my fear.

I lied to myself and everyone I told

The guitarist was my first love is what I said,

The reality I should have acknowledged

If I had than my chances wouldn't be dead.

I always referred to the musician

As the first boyfriend I had ever had,

In reality my friend was first

And hiding it now looks pitiful and sad.

I never thought I would see a day

That we would have talked once more,

The internet has opened up new avenues

When I heard from him I nearly fell on the floor

He sent me a friend request you see

It has been nearly 16 years by now,

I stared at it in disbelief

Wondering if there was something wrong.

I must have been seeing things

That weren't really there,

I was confused as to why now

I had been the one that hadn't been fair.

He had been out with his friend

Someone we both had known,

He showed the friend my pictures

Of a time before we were all grown.

We caught up on our own lives

I learned a lot more about him,

Offering up my old friendship

Even those chances seemed dim.

I tried not to let those old feelings

Seep back into my heart,

I couldn't stop it from leaking

Back to where we had part.

He would probably just say hello

Than not talk to me at all,

With four hundred friends to keep up with

It will be easier to try and not fall.

I guess that I didn't think I would feel this way

When 16 years had gone by,

But how could I not when I remember

Those qualities inside him do lie.

I curse the woman that has hurt him

And myself for walking away,

I hate that I still can't express

How I much I really want him to stay.

I have thought about him every moment

since he up and walked back into my life,

How can I keep my old friendship

And never cause him anymore strife.

I may never have the nerve to ask him

To give me that one chance for u,

But his character is so rare and kind

A friendship and love, always feel new.

I remember how his lips used to feel

As I kissed him that long ago day,

The first time I had felt passion

That didn't just up and go away.

How do you tell someone something

You don't know if they will ever feel,

How do you make them understand

That whatever it was is still real.

I used to believe in meant to be

That he would be mine in the end,

I lost that belief when I left him

And I can't click a button to resend.

How do you tell your old best friend

He was the best thing that happened to me,

How do you tell him you love him

Is it possible he already does see?

All Rights Reserved By Author: Abigayle Malchow (abbykorinnelee) 2012