The Irony Of A Straight Man Dying Listening To Donna Summer

Before I go any further I will acknowledge the fact that summer is here and it's hotter than a love guru's balls in the grips of the Kama Sutra. That can be a good thing or a bad one depending who's making the statement and why. Alright, so you know that this is going somewhere right? Good. Well class, today's topic involves a little irony, some hardcore karma, and a straight guy who just got handed two double whammies while he thought he was dying.

First of all, I was unaware that when death came knocking that it serenaded you with a song. Keep in mind however, that it may not necessarily be a song that you would have chosen on your own, but then death needs something to amuse itself while delivering such devastating news. Now let's get down to business. We all know that when you treat people wrong it comes back to you. Well, evidently my other half didn't get the memo, so the other day it came in the form of a singing telegram presented by the fear of death, who had ultimately been hired by a heat stroke. As soon as he came in the door he looked as though he had seen his last breath in front of him.

I immediately jump to his aid (even though he's been feeding my self-esteem and vunerability the tasteless slop of his selfish bullying). I actually got scared when I saw him sprawled on the living room floor gasping and shaking, and deperately squeezing my hand as if to hold on for dear life. I got him an iced towel, water and some love that I managed to remember I had tucked away under all of the hurt feelings and I stroked his back while saying a silent prayer. Aww how loving! I'm not so sure because after all I did wish maybe he would "go away", but that went away after I saw the strained and frightened look on his face. Okay, you can stop strumming the damn violins now!

After what seemed like forever, we managed to try and get him back to normal, well as normal as you can for such an untameable creature(smile). This is what was said: ME: "Well, I won't say a word." Oh please people I was smirking so hard that karma had to tap me on the shoulder! HIM: "You don't have to- I'm sorry for being such a butthole to you." ME: "Don't worry about it. I guess I just love ya." HIM: "I love you to and we'll make this work somehow. But you know when I was at the top of the driveway I thought, here I am being so mean to her and now I'm about to die and the last song I will hear is Donna Summer being played on the easy listening station."

Donna Summer. Donna Summer. She's a legend! He doesn't deserve a Donna Summer song! He can't even fathom how dear or royal she is to all fairys, fairy godmothers and even the wannabes! I was secretly outraged that irony and karma would get together and coax the fear of death into choosing such a priceless hummingbird as some straight guys epitaph for his last words, "Oh F---, Donna Summer?!"