ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

An Overabundance of Roma Tomatoes: A Story of the Failure of a Martha Stewart Wannabe

Updated on April 17, 2013
Christmas Ornaments
Christmas Ornaments | Source

I think I'll lay the blame on Martha Stewart. Although the seeds were sown years ago, she was the final impetus.

It was last December when Martha began her destructive work. In one of my more devastating mistakes in television viewing, I watched her Christmas show with the beautiful gold-leafed ivy; the hand-crafted, shiny silver tree decorations; and the table laden with delicacies never even dreamt of in my home. One could practically smell through the television set the pungent armoma of pine needles mixed with apple cider. Happy people poured into her warmly lit, immaculate home, each bearing gifts and Christmas cheer.

It spoke in stark contract to my tiny ranch house with the 20-year-old plastic Christmas tree tilting precariously in the corner.

I knew then it was time for a change.

It was, however, too late to change for Christmas. The mold had been set, and our Christmas ran its pedestrian course as all the Christmases before. But I knew our spring and summer would be different.

Roma Tomatoes
Roma Tomatoes | Source
Tomato Plant
Tomato Plant | Source

Martha, in her show on the Lifetime network, can often be seen in her weedless, lush garden planting dill seeds in unsullied shorts, crisp shirt and stark white socks. She brings in the fresh produce from her garden and prepares it in a sparkling kitchen. Finally, she feeds her family and friends unimagined healthy taste treats. This, I was sure, I could do.

The season is now late, and my garden - after a very slow start - is now producing great quantities of vegetables. But neither I, nor my garden, nor my kitchen, nor my socks, nor my friends and family yet resemble Martha Stewart's.

In spite of the weeds going to seed, my garden has seen fit to flourish. Well, sections of it have. Well, not really "sections" plural; actually just the tomatoes. I am, indeed, over run by sauce tomatoes. Milano plums (whose name had such a lovely ring to them in the early spring) and romas are ripening faster than I can harvest them. Braving the high weeds and the creatures that call them home, I will, every few days, wander into my garden wilderness to carefully pluck yet another 80 tomatoes.

My garden has weeds waist high. The weeds take all sorts of shapes and varieties, and some produce lovely weed-flowers. I have thought of writing Martha to see if they are edible, but I haven't found the time. The time I would have spent writing such letters is now tied up in trying to get my socks as white as Martha's after a stint in my garden.

A tasty tomato sauce
A tasty tomato sauce | Source

The goal in early spring was to turn the tomatoes into a delicious spaghetti sauce, something to freeze and use later in the winter when such a warm home-grown feast would chase away the winter blues. Now my freezer and my kitchen look like a Ragu factory. Tomatoes finish ripening at every window sill and on every counter, and the refrigerator can hold no more milk, butter or pop. Every available shelf and drawer holds ripe, red fruit. Tomatoes, I have discovered, are like rabbits - multiplying in unthinkable quantities.

What it amounts to is I have a bijillion tomatoes.

I spent the summer chained to the stove, turning the red monster into sauce. It was hot and dirty work. My hair hung limp across my damp forehead. My clothes all have red sauce spots on them. My counters and cabinets are likewise sauced. But dirty, tired and hot, I continued my crusade for a happy, healthy home, and the tomatoes continued their saucy transformations.

But the tomatoes have won. Finally in desperation, I have given up the impossible quest for homemaker perfection. I have admitted failure, and anyone wanting sauce tomatoes who is brave enough to tackle whatever lives in the weeds is welcome to raid my garden. Any tomatoes left will be taken to our church in a hopeless attempt to pawn them off on another Martha Stewart devotee.

I am not totally despondent, however. As fall approaches, my sights have turned elsewhere. Aerobic guru Denise Austin and the possiblity of a slim, healthy fall and winter have lured me into thoughts of daily exercise via my DVD.

My home may become a wreck, but the part of my closet set aside for my skinny wardrobe should soon see action again.

Click here to read about the beginnings of the overproducing garden.


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)