ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Canada Green: Does Your Yard Need Canada Green?

Updated on March 21, 2011

Canada Green: Does Your Yard Need Canada Green?

Got yard problems? Canada Green can help. This stuff grows anywhere!

It grows in dirt. It grows on concrete. It grows on top of itself.

It's the ultimate grass for people who want to grow grass. Canada Green virtually cannot be stopped. A bag was dropped in an Alberta parking lot by a little old lady; that strain has now reached the northern shores of Lake Michigan and is patiently waiting for passage to the lower 48 United States.

Don't turn your back on Canada Green.

Canada Green Grows in Almost Any Soil

Does your backyard suffer from sandy soil, loamy soil, clay-ey soil, or is it composed completely of jagged boulders on pea gravel? Canada Green comes to your rescue! Simply split open a bag of the ultra-potent Canada Green seeds, spread them uniformly throughout the yard, and fire up the grill. By the time your ribs are done, you'll have a lush growth of grassy goodness. You'll want to skip barefoot through the greenery populating your back 40.

Canada Green Grows in Almost any Temperature

Does your yard suffer from extreme 'cold' or 'heat'? Fret not; Canada Green thrives in environments that would prove fatal to normal organic plant material. Turn a blowtorch on it; Canada Green shrugs off volcanic lava, glacier flows, and everything in between.

Is Canada Green Lush?

Lawn Engineers measure the quality of a lawn by 'lushness'. Complex measuring metrics have been devised to identify narrow gradations in lushness between various strains of grass. Canada Green is off the Lush Meter! Scientists and Lawn Care Technicians are absolutely amazed by the amount of lush appearing in the average Canada Green yard. Many scientists and Lawn Care technicians actually come to work barefoot. Close your eyes and imagine a silky smooth lush carpet of extremely expensive carpet that's not really carpet but feels like carpet! This is what Canada Green would feel like if it were dried out and poorly mowed.

But wait! There's more!

Canada Green stands up to the toughest uses. Kids can frolic and play on it from dawn 'til dusk, then frolic a little more as they enjoy the sunset, then continue frolicking as they get bitten by mosquitoes, chased by nocturnal woodland creatures, and collapse in exhausted heaps. Canada Green welcomes their depleted bodies with stalks of cushiony chlorophyll.

Do you change your motor oil in the yard? Surprisingly, many homeowners still do. Not even 5W-30 phases Canada Green. A leaky crankcase is no match for Canada Green. Rumors in the Scientific Community indicate that several major oil-change franchises have considered the possibility of researching techniques for sowing Canada Green in the bottom of the service bays; at the end of each day they rinse away the detritus and count their profits. Canada Green earns them money!

Fauna not included.

Turtles love to frolic in Canada Green.
Turtles love to frolic in Canada Green.

Basic Recommended Care of Canada Green:

  • Water it, or not.
  • Mow it, unless you're busy.
  • Fertilize it, if you have nothing else to do.
  • Tell stories to it
  • Include it in your family activities.

But Wait, There's More!

Canada Green is shipped to you in a specially designed "bag". This space-age container gently cushions each grassy seed, virtually guaranteeing a "bag" full of healthy lawn for you and your family. Simply open the "bag" with a sharp cutting implement and spread the contents evenly throughout your yard.

Caution: Do not plant the bag.


Look for Canada Green on finer web sites throughout the Interweb. If your favorite web site doesn't carry Canada Green, run away and find a more finer site.


No turtles or nocturnal woodland creatures were harmed in the making of this hub. All trademarks and copyrights are the properties of their respective companies. Don't take this seriously.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • nicomp profile imageAUTHOR

      nicomp really 

      7 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @Gypsy Willow : You need Canada Green!

    • Gypsy Willow profile image

      Gypsy Willow 

      7 years ago from Lake Tahoe Nevada USA , Wales UK and Taupo New Zealand

      Is this for real? i just paid good money to lay new turf (Sorry Sod!)Could have saved myself some money!

    • nicomp profile imageAUTHOR

      nicomp really 

      7 years ago from Ohio, USA

      89 views in three months. Bummer!

    • The Old Firm profile image

      The Old Firm 

      8 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand

      There's an urgent need for it in the Gulf of Mexico I hear. Mexican Green takes their minds of the problem but does little else. (Isn't it mandatory for BP executives to use before major planning decisions?)

    • nicomp profile imageAUTHOR

      nicomp really 

      8 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @drbj: That was my next hub, North America Brown.

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 

      8 years ago from south Florida

      nicomp - do you think there may be a market for this stuff since it grows so lushly and so fast if we paint it dark colors and use it as a product for men who are losing their hair?

    • nicomp profile imageAUTHOR

      nicomp really 

      8 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @Tom Whitworth: Hmmm... another hub topic?

    • Tom Whitworth profile image

      Tom Whitworth 

      8 years ago from Moundsville, WV


      I just love Canada Dry Ginger Ale.

      Oops sorry, you're talking about something else!!!!

      Good hub!!!!!!


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)