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Comedy Of Errors

Updated on October 21, 2015

After the sale of my former home, I was anxious to be a homeowner again and took my time “shopping around”. After a three month search, I found the perfect house for me.

I chose a beautiful two story 19th century home. Built in 1880, the original hardwood floors and stairs were in pristine condition. Two large bedrooms and one smaller bedroom were part of the original house, but the former owner enclosed the back porch area and built a two story addition. You can enter the sunroom from either the kitchen or the dining room and upstairs are two other rooms used as a computer room and sitting room respectively.

After being blessed by both a home inspection and architectural engineer I bought this beautiful home and couldn’t wait to make it my own. Thus, the comedy of errors began!

One would think that having been a homeowner for twenty six years I would have gained some experience in the simple things of setting up a household, like hanging pictures and curtains. In reality, my ex husband forbade me to hold a hammer for fear the walls would look like a mafia target practice. Either I waited for him to leave the house and then I “went to work” or had to beg him to hang pictures, curtains, etc.

This always ended in an argument, because what I considered a “little to the left”, he considered “a lot”. “A bit to the right” was a “bit too much”. And a “hair” up or a “smidgeon” down was met with the same incoherency. Eventually, I became frustrated and the item would be hung in the exact location we originally started…a little too much to the left and a hair too high!

So with an evil smile, I grabbed my hammer, gathered my pictures and went to work.

I wanted to make a collage of family photos on the wall by the stairs. I cut poster board the size of the various frames I would be using. I tacked them up to have an eyeball view of what they would look like. I meticulously hung my pictures and when I was finished I was very proud that I only made one hole for each picture.

I continued to perfect my craft throughout the day by hanging more pictures, sconces, and curtains. As day turned to evening, I decided to make the bathroom my last room for the day. The bathtub was a bit different than most. It was open on two sides and I couldn’t find a shower curtain to fit. I decided to hang a shower curtain as one usually would and the open end I hung a curtain and tied it back giving the look of a window treatment. For the window, I hung a valance using the same color as the curtain. Satisfied with that, I went to work on the pictures. I hung a rather large picture of Calla Lilies with two wrought iron vases on either side where I donned silk Calla Lilies. I hung a wrought iron tea light holder and dressed it up by weaving silk lilacs around it. The last thing I hung was a rather large picture of the same color lilacs. The hardware was a bit different on the back of the picture. Instead of a wire stretched the width of the picture there were two saw tooth type hangers on opposite sides of the frame. No problem. I got my tape measure and marked where I was going to hammer. I hung the picture and stood back.

Hmmm…not quite right.

I took the one nail out and tried again. Finally satisfied that it was even, I walked out and turned the light off thinking only I need to know that if the picture was removed it would look like the mafia used it for target practice.


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    • mimiiam2carly profile image

      Jeanne Stapf 5 years ago from Front Royal, VA

      Haha, Rick. Not my doing, but the previous owner. Come over for a visit and a glass of wine sometime and will give you the grand tour!

    • profile image

      Rick Nowell 5 years ago

      Hey Mimi, How did you manage to get the window behind the stair stringer???????

    • profile image

      Rick Nowell 5 years ago

      wow Jeanne, you are a really good writer. Very descriptive. Keep at it gal.

    • Chuck RitenouR profile image

      Chuck RitenouR 6 years ago from Front Royal, Virginia

      That's about the way it

      You write. Very nicely done. Give us more.