Don't You Just Hate Hoovering
Hoovers & Vacuums
Hoovering is the one chore that always, ALWAYS, annoys me!
I bet your starting to agree, nodding your head, sweating, looking at the cupboard where it lives! It annoys you too, I can sympathize. I mean hoovering always brings the worst out in people. Even animals aren't above losing their temper at the hoover. Especially, when things don't go quite to plan. If it blows up in your face, or you have a daredevil animal that likes to attack the hoover for example.
Sergeant Puss & General Hound
Hoover Breakdown Check list
- Hoover wont start: check that you actually plugged it in and switched the plug on. Also check that you switched the right button on the hoover and check the plug too in case you need to change the fuse. If all else fails through hoover at wall!
- Hoover not picking up: don't panic, there maybe a blockage, or the plug may have come loose from the socket. Perhaps it has lost suction? If you have had it a while, get rid of it and buy new, don't stress yourself because the hoover doesn't like you either.
- Cat and Dog not insight: Do not, I repeat not, switch hoover on. Otherwise, an army of ninja canines and felines will attack like possessed Jacky Chans. Just close the door and check the room before you switch on the hoover.
Let's Start With Cats & Dogs.
My goodness, dogs and cats can get quite miffed if you mention the hoover. Is it the noise? Or, just the actual hoover they dislike? Still I am sure they enjoy attacking it whilst you clean the floor.
Picture this: You have the hoover in your hands, you plug it in and switch it on, your dog and cat are nowhere to in sight. You begin hoovering, still no sign of the dog or cat. Great you think to yourself, as you hoover away, behind the sofa and then in front of the sofa. Unbeknownst to you, there are other forces at work here. In the furthest room of the house, are two conspirators, General Hound and Sergeant Puss. They are busy planning their stealth attack on the hoover. What happens next? Cleaning away in a world of our own, then from nowhere, the cat and dog pounce upon the hoover. You don't see them until the last minute and you too, jump with fear.
This happened to me and I almost hoovered the cat and dog because I did not see them until the last bloody minute! They gave me the biggest scare in human history and took, at least, ten years off my life. Trust me Hoovers and Animals don't mix! If you value your sanity, put them in another room.
Bagless Or Bagged
Bagless hoovers are the best. Why you may ask? Because you just lift the attachment out of the hoover and pour the dust straight into the bin. Marvelous, isn't it? There are no sudden surprises, like needing to take a course in technology, to find the bags location? Or having to become a surgeon; delicately trying to open the hatch without breaking it. When you do get it open, the bag that is inside bursts, giving you a dust shower. It can also be stuck. This may cause slight upset and could lead to you telling the hoover off. We hold nothing back, reminding it of all the hell we went through to open the damn thing and why we hate it! So yes, bag-less all the way otherwise its not good for your stress levels.
Spouses & Partners
You did not think I was going to leave them out, did you? Especially when they can get us just as mad when it comes to hoovering.
For example: when you're hoovering, why do we have to ask them to raise their feet? I mean what happened to common sense? Did it just vanish one day by accident? You would think that the fact you're headed towards them with a hoover would be enough help? But no, we have to draw diagrams too. As you hoover, they watch you and then point out each bit you miss, I mean couldn't you just smack them one? Its like their juvenile retort because you asked them to move. Pathetic isn't it?
Why then, when it's their turn to hoover do we still end up with it to do? It's usually the whole room because they just skim it. Ignoring the dirt in front of them and in the corners where it is visible, you know. No, it's not us being house proud, its just unhygienic to leave it. Especially when we have visitors who may land at any moment! Afterwards we always notice a bit we missed, usually after we have put the hoover away. That is sod's law! It's never ending, is it?