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Garden Humor: Harvesting Rocks

Updated on April 20, 2018
Maren Morgan M-T profile image

Maren gardens in Pennsylvania, specializing in earth-friendly, unconventional, creative, joyful artistry at low cost.

Free Hardscape Material

Rocks - a gift from Mother Nature.  Always available in a Pennsylvania yard.
Rocks - a gift from Mother Nature. Always available in a Pennsylvania yard. | Source

How to Get Fresh Air and Exercise, But Little Else

I love sunshine, fresh air and digging in the soil. That's a good thing because I live in Pennsylvania, a land of rocky glacial debris (the glaciers dumped their trash here before melting their way back to the pole.) If I want to harvest vegetables, fruit, or enjoying copious clouds of flower blossoms lovingly nurtured by my own hand, I'm looking for trouble. However, there is one harvest we Pennsylvanians can count on: a harvest of rocks.

Rocks Are Part of God's Plan

Personally, I have no problem with rocks. Since I expect them, I have the smug satisfaction of never being disappointed. They are part of "all things bright and beautiful" on this earth and I dig up a new collection of them every time I expand a garden plot.

See the picture? Some unfortunate gardeners actually PAY to have them in their hardscape. Not I. I'll admit I do move them to new locations because I have bought into the theory that the tender roots of my plants and rocks have wicked wrestling matches below the surface. Ultimately, though, I count on rocks in my garden to be freebies for walls, borders ,and paths.

Clay in the Keystone State

Our clay is orange.
Our clay is orange. | Source

Bonus Material: CLAY!

We also have clay in our mid-Atlantic soil. This is its color in eastern PA (see picture.) It is a lovely accent to the organic material that nurtures seedlings. If we didn't have clay, how could the original Lenna Lenape people have made clay pots? Think about it.

I break it up. I mix it in with the brown stuff. Hey - I just like excuses to be goofing off outdoors. (Hmmm, this sounds like golfers.)

Grub Genocide

Mea culpa. Alright, I am not Albert Schweitzer. I do not revere ALL life. As I dig and stir and mix, often with bare hands, I am bound to encounter the white wormy-looking larva of bugs which eat our grass from the roots up. (also known as grubs.)

They make the lawn look ugly, with patches of dried up blades of grass and even dusty soil where de-rooted gras blew away. Then, the neighborhood gang of skunks marauds the patches to dig for the grubs, making bigger dusty spots and pockmarks. Grubs are truffle to skunks. More lawn damage!

I will let you in on a secret: I murder them. The grubs, not the skunks. I do not have the lawn treated with any Lawn service chemicals, so when I am digging and come across a grub, I murder it by squishing it. The fastest and most effective way is with my thumb and forefinger, gloved or naked. However, if you are going to emulate my sophisticated technique, please hold the little bugger arms-length away from your face. It is very rare that their splattered inner guts will be a perfect match for your lipstick! Don't ask how I know this.

Accidental Bonus in the Garden

By now you probably have a picture of us Pennsylvania gardeners as outdoor Sweeney Todds who are still roaming freely about due to the strength of the ACLU and its protection of special individuals.

We do, however, accidentally produce some flowers, herbs, and vegetables. But our real goal is to

harvest rocks.

© 2011 Maren Elizabeth Morgan

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    • Miss Mellie profile image

      M.S. Ross 

      7 years ago

      Were they indeed fields of echinacea, I would not part with them! Sadly...no; they are plain ol' all-American weeds. Tenacious buggers, too!

    • Maren Morgan M-T profile imageAUTHOR

      Maren Elizabeth Morgan 

      7 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Hi Miss Mellie. I may take you up on your offer. You know, one person's junk is another's treasure. Are your weeds, by any chance, also called coneflowers? hehehe

    • Miss Mellie profile image

      M.S. Ross 

      7 years ago

      Cute story. Perhaps if I adopted your positive attitude, I'd be able to brag about the abundant harvest of weeds I have on my property! I'd even be willing to trade you some for a shipment of rocks.

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