Garden Humor: Harvesting Rocks
Free landscaping material
How to get fresh air and little else
I love sunshine, fresh air and digging in the soil. That's a good thing because I live in eastern Pennsylvania, land of glacial remains. If I had included harvesting vegetables on my list, or enjoying copious clouds of flower blossoms lovingly nurtured by my own hand, I might be in trouble. However, there is one harvest we Pennsylvanians can bet on: a harvest of rocks.
Rocks are part of God's Plan
Personally, I have no problem with rocks. Since I expect them, I have the smug satisfaction of never being disappointed. They are part of "all things bright and beautiful" on this earth and I dig up a new bounty every time I expand a garden plot.
See the picture? Some unfortunate gardeners actually must PAY to have them in their hardscape. Not I. I'll admit I do move them to new locations because I have bought into the theory that teeny roots do not easily cope with rocks. Ultimately, though, I count on rocks in my garden to be freebies for walls and borders and paths.
Clay in the Keystone state
Bonus material: CLAY!
We also have clay in our mid-Atlantic land. This is its color in eastern PA (see picture.) It is a lovely accent to the organic material that some might even describe as soil. If we didn't have clay, how could the original people have made clay pots? Think about it.
I break it up. I mix it in with the brown stuff. Hey - I just like excuses to be goofing off outdoors. (Hmmm, does this sound like golfers?)
Allright, mea culpa. I am not Albert Schweitzer. I do not revere ALL life. As I dig and stir and mix, often with bare hands, I am bound to encounter white wormy-looking larva of bugs which eat our grass from the roots up.
They make our lawn look ugly, with patches of dried up blades of grass and dusty soil. Then, the neighborhood gang of skunks marauds the patches to dig for the grubs, as they are truffle to skunks. More lawn damage!
I will let you in on a secret: I murder them. We do not have our lawn treated with anything, so I murder them by squishing. The fastest and most effective way is with my thumb and forefinger, gloved or naked. However, if you are going to emulate my sophisticated technique, please hold the little bugger arms-length away from your face. It is very rare that their splattered inner guts will be a perfect match for your make-up!
Accidental Bonus in the Land of Rocks
By now you probably have a picture of us Pennsylvania gardeners as outdoor Sweeney Todds who are still roaming about due to the strength of the ACLU and its protection of special individuals.
We do, however, accidentally produce some flowers, herbs, and veegetables. But our real goal is to harvest rocks.
If you have similar stories, please share them!
Photos and text copyright 2011 Maren E. Morgan.
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