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Garden Humor: Harvesting Rocks

Updated on April 17, 2014
Maren Morgan M-T profile image

Maren gardens in Pennsylvania, specializing in earth-friendly, unconventional, creative, joyful artistry at low cost.

Free landscaping material

Rocks - a gift from Mother Nature.  Always available in a Pennsylvania yard.
Rocks - a gift from Mother Nature. Always available in a Pennsylvania yard. | Source

How to get fresh air and little else

I love sunshine, fresh air and digging in the soil.  That's a good thing because I live in eastern Pennsylvania, land of glacial remains.  If I had included harvesting vegetables on my list, or enjoying copious clouds of flower blossoms lovingly nurtured by my own hand, I might be in trouble.  However, there is one harvest we Pennsylvanians can bet on: a harvest of rocks.

Rocks are part of God's Plan

Personally, I have no problem with rocks.  Since I expect them, I have the smug satisfaction of never being disappointed.  They are part of "all things bright and beautiful" on this earth and I dig up a new bounty every time I expand a garden plot.

See the picture?  Some unfortunate gardeners actually must PAY to have them in their hardscape.  Not I.  I'll admit I do move them to new locations because I have bought into the theory that teeny roots do not easily cope with rocks.  Ultimately, though, I count on rocks in my garden to be freebies for walls and borders and paths.

Clay in the Keystone state

Our clay is orange.
Our clay is orange. | Source

Bonus material: CLAY!

We also have clay in our mid-Atlantic land.  This is its color in eastern PA (see picture.)  It is a lovely accent to the organic material that some might even describe as soil.  If we didn't have clay, how could the original people have made clay pots?  Think about it. 

I break it up.  I mix it in with the brown stuff.  Hey - I just like excuses to be goofing off outdoors.  (Hmmm, does this sound like golfers?)

Grub genocide

Allright, mea culpa. I am not Albert Schweitzer. I do not revere ALL life. As I dig and stir and mix, often with bare hands, I am bound to encounter white wormy-looking larva of bugs which eat our grass from the roots up.

They make our lawn look ugly, with patches of dried up blades of grass and dusty soil.  Then, the neighborhood gang of skunks marauds the patches to dig for the grubs, as they are truffle to skunks.  More lawn damage!

I will let you in on a secret: I murder them.  We do not have our lawn treated with anything, so I murder them by squishing. The fastest and most effective way is with my thumb and forefinger, gloved or naked. However, if you are going to emulate my sophisticated technique, please hold the little bugger arms-length away from your face. It is very rare that their splattered inner guts will be a perfect match for your make-up!


Accidental Bonus in the Land of Rocks

By now you probably have a picture of us Pennsylvania gardeners as outdoor Sweeney Todds who are still roaming about due to the strength of the ACLU and its protection of special individuals.

We do, however, accidentally produce some flowers, herbs, and veegetables. But our real goal is to harvest rocks.

If you have similar stories, please share them!

Photos and text copyright 2011 Maren E. Morgan.


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    • Miss Mellie profile image

      M.S. Ross 6 years ago

      Were they indeed fields of echinacea, I would not part with them!; they are plain ol' all-American weeds. Tenacious buggers, too!

    • Maren Morgan M-T profile image

      Maren Elizabeth Morgan 6 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Hi Miss Mellie. I may take you up on your offer. You know, one person's junk is another's treasure. Are your weeds, by any chance, also called coneflowers? hehehe

    • Miss Mellie profile image

      M.S. Ross 6 years ago

      Cute story. Perhaps if I adopted your positive attitude, I'd be able to brag about the abundant harvest of weeds I have on my property! I'd even be willing to trade you some for a shipment of rocks.