How to Make a John Wayne Toilet Seat
My father loves John Wayne. Well, he probably doesn’t like him any more than the average fan, but when we started teasing him about it, he maybe overcompensated by going a little . . . uh, rabid. For example, he hung a nicely-framed picture of The Duke on the living room wall, and every time he walked by it – at least when we were there – he’d salute it. So, for a variety of reasons, I figured a great gift for him would be a John Wayne toilet seat. They’re pretty easy to make.
- First, get an inexpensive toilet seat. WalMart had a fake woodgrain one for less than $20.
- Second, get a print of John Wayne. If you don’t have an extra handy, you can download one from the ‘net (since you’re making this for personal use and not to sell, you’re not infringing on the image copyright.)
- Third, consider the option of burning the edges of the paper for that old-time Western rugged look. Flame will work, but a decent heat gun is better: it’ll blacken the edges without immediately turning them into black carbon that flakes off.
- Fourth, although not completely necessary, it’s not a terrible idea to use fine sandpaper (maybe 400 grit) to rough up the seat cover surface. The purpose of this is to give the polyurethane molecules a better surface to hold on to.
- Fifth, place the image on the seat cover and coat with clear polyurethane finish, also available at WalMart or in any hardware store. You probably will want to put two or three coats on it, very lightly sanding between coats.
If you want to add an extra touch, on the inside of the seat cover, you can apply a message for users, perhaps modifying a John Wayne cliché. On my father’s, I put, “Whoa, Pilgrim! A man’s gotta doo, what a man’s gotta doo.”
Voila! Happy Birthday, Dad!
Of course this sort of thing will never be condoned by Martha Stewart, but if it brings a smile, why not? (But do NOT make one of these for your girlfriend, not for Christmas, not for Valentine’s Day, not for her birthday, not ever. If you need someone to explain why not . . .)