Ideas to Get Rid of Mice

I have looked over the internet and found a ton of ideas to get rid of mice. And in the comments are usually the one person who is the kinder, gentler being who wishes we just put them in a humane trap and take them away, far into the woods. May the Lord bless you for your sweet nature and nice intentions. This article is not for you, however so it is your time to run, flee, far from here and stop reading now if you want to have a nice day.

For the rest of humanity who has no time to "herd mice" and haul hundreds of the stupid bastards out for a nice day in the countryside, this is for you.

So you may judge me for not wanting to use completely humane traps and for also taking delight in the deaths of these irritating pests, but I have something to say about your judgement:

Wait until this is in your favorite cereal, shoes, expensive dress, and until you or one of your kids get an asthma attack from the droppings or worse, someone in your house dies of junta virus. Please don't judge us home (and mice) owners. We hate the little assholes mostly because we are not getting any fekking sleep at night because they are busy eating our Cheerios and Top Ramen and pooping on our stuff and making bigger passageways and holes in our walls. And please don't imply that we will go to hell when we die. We are obviously already IN hell, hence the mice. Perhaps Hell, Upper Level.

Peanut butter scented glue traps work (on Amazon.com you can get 12 for around 6 bucks). You will need to keep buying them and keep them down. They are a great way to catch yourself or your kids too. They especially stick well to furry cat slippers. So, watch out!

The first time we caught a mouse on one of these, my kids and I stood around and looked at it and took turns apologizing to it's sweet little furry face and we talked and cooed to it and even pet it a little. (Don't worry ,we used antibacterial soap afterwards!)

The second time was a little like the first but the mouse was so freaked out that he tried to get his head off the glue paper to get away from us. He literally ripped his little face in half and started bleeding to avoid us. We realized the "alien abduction scenario" must be hard on them and we stopped this behavior. Plus, it was gross and we had too many mice to get acquainted with them all before their demise. After we caught a few and after my son saw a (sorry for this) "five mouse orgy" happening, we stopped giving a rat's ass about them ( yep, pun intended). I don't need those grey little jerks teaching my son things he should not know about until he is 35 years old, living on his own and stumbling upon this idea while watching porn. But I digress.

In the wintertime my kids would fling them into the snow and they would die a peaceful frozen death. Except for the part where they scream because they are stuck to the glue and or have heart attacks from being flung out a 2nd story window plummeting to their death. ha ha

Peppermint essential oil soaked into cotton balls works against ants, spiders, mice, etc. but you need a lot of it. And your house will smell like a breath mint. And some mice apparently love that smell. ugh. On the plus side, peppermint also will energize you, lift your spirits, unclog your sinuses and alleviate the pain of a migraine too. ( Migraine from the mice. )

I had the electronic devices all over the house. The mice seemed soothed by it and came into my house in droves. Maybe this is the Chinese manufacturer's way of driving Americans crazy in their plot to take over our country?

From these two things I learned that MY mice were the ones that were deaf and had no sense of smell. Lucky me.

You can bait traps with cheap margarine. They love that, according to tiny paw prints I found in ours; my son bought margarine at the corner store instead of butter once and he left it out. We had their fingerprints, but could not book 'em, Dano.

Things I have heard about but have not yet tried:

I want a cat but am allergic to furry critters, so allergic to mice and their animal "cure".

I was planning to buy dried/powdered coyote pee and try that. Apparently that freaks them out and they will leave. Also cat pee supposedly works (except in households where the cats make friends with the mice and the owner finds the cats cuddling with the mice. To mice in those households, that must be "Sweet Pee".

You can also get snake crap, wolf pee, or owl droppings. This latter one is like a "Don't let this happen to YOU!" sign to the mice.

Irish Spring Soap (apparently the original scent) can work until the soap is old or until the Irish mice move in.

Plugging up every single hole in the house. In my 90 year old house, this will be a chore and could take a year. But it is on the "To Do List".

Pepsi and Coke are good tasting to the mice (we know they love junk food: Top Ramen, cheap margarine) so this is a good lure for them. Leave out little plates for them with fresh bubbly Coca Cola on it and they cannot burp... their tummies will explode I guess and they die.

(For me, this is a last resort because peppermint is a better smell for my house than the less-than-chic dead animal smell. Plus my son will try to drink the Pepsi first when I am not looking. Not off the plates, we are not animals.)

Well I hope this helps you in your conquest of the mouse army.

So go on now, get out of here and get rid of those little bastards!

Off you go,

Mermaid Girl