Straight Talk

We all need a little straight talk now and then. Sometimes it hurts. Sometimes it's not what we want to hear, but in the long run we all benefit. Keep an open mind as we delve into straight-talking topics.

Measuring stuff can be challenging without proper benchmarks, straight edges, and high-tech equipment. Sometimes a simple ruler proves sufficient. Other metric challenges must be met with electronical devices and digital readouts. You must shop, but shop wisely. We're here to help.

The Acme United 12-Inch Shatterproof Ruler provides accurate measurements in 4 great colors. Great for young straight talkers, this invaluable tool accepts bends and twists but reliably returns to its original shape. A nifty translucent design allows see-through calibration. Straight talking kindergartners love this adorable stocking stuffer.

We learn to measure at a young age. Our parents bestow upon us the tools for assigning length, width and height. A simple ruler opens doors to more complicated accoutrement such as slide rules, tape measures, and radar detectors. No matter where we are in life, we need to assign numeric values to real-world dimensions.

The CST Berger 18-90N Computing Function Digital Roller Planimeter sets a new standard for Digital Roller Planimeters. It boasts a 10 digit symbol display including unit and scale value conversion functions. With a horizontal rolling length engineered to extend for 30 meters, this device will provide hours of straight talk measuring service on its rechargeable battery. A charger and battery are included.

Note: Digital planimeters often sustain severe damage during transport; consider a high quality ABS plastic carrying case to protect your digital planimeter from opponents of straight talk.

Nothing beats straight talk when it comes in manly florescent yellow tape measure form. The Stanley 33-279 25' x 1-1/8'' Max Tape bravely extends to just under 26 feet, providing linear metrics for any application where stuff is long and skinny and remains motionless so you can drape a tape across it. When you're finished, simply flip the thumb latch and watch in rapture as all the tape vanishes into the specially designed enclosure. A miracle of physics, we think.

Use this tape on a job site as part of a coordinated effort to construct a well-measured dwelling or outbuilding. No one wants to live in a crooked house: this unfortunate situation can be avoided by deploying a few simple but effective tools. Every builder and remodeler looks extremely cool with one of these clipped to his belt or tucked into her purse. Stow a few spares in the glove box of your F350 for unexpected measuring opportunities.

Talking straight includes facing facts about your golf swing. Look to the New Zelocity Pureflight Radar Velocity Speed Gauge for honest straightforward information on the links. This attractive device huddles in the grass adjacent to your ball; during your swing it accumulates invaluable information that may just elevate you to PGA status. Rechargeable batteries come standard.

Not everyone plays golf, but more people probably would if they only knew about this device. Golf is supposed to be relaxing and challenging: adding another digital metric to the experience is sure to attract a few more left-brained people to the public courses. We don't need to play like a tiger or a lion - we just need to know our velocity off the tee.

Feeling a little off-kilter? Deploy a Cleareline Concepts CL-2048 48'' Laser Level to set yourself straight. Combining advanced laser optics, microelectronics, and space-age liquid with bubbles in it, the good ol' CL-2048 is a must-have for any straight talker. Check out the 48" machined aluminum body and 1500 foot laser range. It doesn't get any straighter.

Caution: this device is not designed or intended to solve personal issues. Use at your own risk to repair damaged relationships: a bouquet of flowers would probably be more effective.

No matter your political bent, talking straight will make you a more effective straight talker. You may not have the budget or the garage space to acquire all the straight talking support devices we have presented, but please don't leave home without at least one digital planimeter. We strongly endorse the CST Berger 18-90N.