WHO KEEPS WHISPERING?

Perhaps all of us have little voices or whisperings inside our head. Perhaps if they are part of a psychotic process, you might be considered lucky, and have half a chance of controlling these voices with medication.

Some of us have little voices as a result of intense emotional experiences or trauma. The voices represent the “split off” parts of self, the part of myself that had to “go away” in order to survive.

These “voices” may warn and caution us so we do not get hurt again. So they may tell us, consciously or unconsciously, not to tell someone “I love you,” because the last person you said that to, left you or dropped dead. These voices may warn you constantly of non-existent dangers or lead you to believe that the dangers are fatal when, in fact, they are just “normal” risks of every day living.

Then there are the voices that are a result of “introjection.” We take in these voices and make them a part of the on-going conversation between the thinking brain and the emotional brain. For more detail, check out the blog

http://hubpages.com/hub/HOW-OUR-BRAIN-WORKS.

The normal dialogue between these two parts of the brain becomes undermined by a myriad of input from the big people in our lives. These introjected voices say things like, “you’re a liar....you’re manipulative....you’re fat....you’re ugly....you’re stupid....you do not see what you think you see....I was not driving erratically.....you do not smell anything funny on my breath....you will never amount to anything....you do not deserve anything.....” The voices are endless.

I struggle every day with these voices. For me, they are more like whisperings, almost undetectable to the ear, but LOUD to my unconscious brain. Unfortunately, the whisperings have invaded my soul, my heart, and even my muscles.

I am fully aware that these “whisperings” have been passed down for generations. I know many a story from my Dad’s life and his father’s life (and his father and his father) that have given rise to these whisperings. So even though, I know these stories backwards and forwards, let’s call them the transgenerational pathways, and even though I know the whisperings are totally false, for whatever reason, I continue to invite them into my daily experience.

And why? Good question!

The whispering for me follow a common theme. “It’s not in the cards for you....you don’t deserve.....You’re not good enough....”

So today, I decided enough was enough. Yes, that too is one of those whisperings, but today, I will use it to my advantage. I am going to clean house--evict those pesky pesty whisperings. I also know that I may have to evict them again tomorrow, and again the next day, but I am committed now.

And one more thing.  I just noticed the picture below which is of clouds seen through pine trees in the mountains, at night.  I love this picture for many reasons.  But just now, when I looked at it, I saw lips, teeth, a mustache perhaps, the mouth is not pleasant, and whispering!  Can you see it?  If not, do not report me!

The annoying voice,
Well,
It’s not even a voice.
It’s a whisper,
A deadly whisper.

Is today the day?
It’s as good a day
As any.

Who are you?
Where are you?
Yes, you are
Like a little mouse
Who incessantly scratches
Till I stop to take notice.

Then you elude me
Only to whisper
Once again
When I am most vulnerable.

“Not good enough!
Not good enough!
It’s not in the cards for you.
You do not deserve....”

Today,
I will hunt you down,
Searching every nook
Every cranny
Till I find you.

You can no longer live
Here,
Neither in my heart,
Nor my soul,
Nowhere in my gentle body
Is there room for you.
Nowhere in my consciousness
Or unconsciousness.

It’s time,
Time to pack up your cruel whispers
And leave
Me,
And all the little ones
Inside me,
Alone.
And leave
All the people most dear to me
Alone.

You have wreaked enough destruction.
Too many
Have believed your insidious taunts.

Yes,
I see you, now.
And yes,
You must go.

I recognize you
Now.
You have plagued
And preyed upon
Generations
Before me.

You have slowly destroyed
My loved ones
Like a cancer.

And so now I pray.
Bidding God’s healing blessing
Upon all those
Whose soulful lives
You have somehow
Been allowed to erode.

Parents and grandparents,
Sisters and brothers.
Husbands and wives.

Go now.
It is over.

I will live
The rest of my days
Speaking
The truth.

“We ARE good enough.
We DO deserve....
It IS in the cards for us....”

I will allow no one,
No one,
To speak or whisper
“It’s not in the cards for you...
You don’t deserve....
You’re not good enough...,”
Such insanity,
Ever
Again.

It’s over.

Addendum

Check out the comment from palmerlarryray. It reminded me that I am nurturing some very loving and supportive voices in my head. I believe one of them might even be God!! I know, I need to stay on the meds!! But I'm not on any!! I know I need to be!!

So I will get another blog up here soon. A sequel about the "good guys"!! the good voices.

THANKS FOR READING.