Weeding manual STRICTLY for women
What is a weed?
Various dictionaries define a weed as being someone who is ungainly, scrawny, underweight, skinny, lacking in muscles, scraggy, thin and physically weak in appearance. Basically, a weed is a particular male body type which most women supposedly find unattractive in a man. There are of course, those women who do get turned on by a rib poking into them. I, on the other hand, do not find ribs poking into me a turn on. For me, there are other parts which could be a turn on if they...Sorry, going off on a tangent. Just had a mental image there and had to clear my mind. Back to weeds. A weed is a person who helped Charles Atlas to make a fortune from the thirties right up until his death in 1972. The same Charles Atlas who is forever imortalised in the movie, the Rocky Horror Picture Show, when Tim Curry aka Dr. Frankenfurter, sang, "And in just seven days, I can make you a man...I'm going to take Charles Atlas by the hand." Okay, I digress. For men, a skinny woman like the top models, is sexy. For a woman, a skinny man is a weed. And, weeds have to be eradicated, right?
How to pull weeds and then eliminate them
First off, I'd like to say that eliminating men just because they're weeds is a bit cruel and could be bordering on the psychopathic. I do believe that weeds have their place in society and they play an important role. Many weeds actually earn good salaries, and contrary to popular opinion, could be sexual studs in the bedroom.
However, once again I digress. The best way to pull weeds, is to have a few nude women with equally skinny frames, wearing high heels and suspenders standing in front of the place where you are trying to get the weeds into. You might pick up a few non-weeds as well though, which could be a problem, seeing as those aren't the ones you are trying to pull. Another good pulling technique, could be to offer them something free. If they are geeky and weedy, a new top of the range iphone for free might just do the trick and you might pull a lot that way. A free trip to an exotic location will probably not pull any, as many are too embarrassed to show off their scrawny physiques in a beach setting. Free tickets to a Thai ping pong show, where luscious wenches shoot out ping pong balls from their nether regions, showing highly developed muscles which could amputate a penis at the top of its shaft, might do the trick. The weeds would be attracted to an obvious display of highly developed muscles. The fascination with such muscular strength would definitely pull them in.
The most sure fire way of pulling weeds would be to follow Charles Atlas's approach. Point out their failings as a 97 pound weakling who'll get sand kicked in his face by the bully, and then show them the benefits of a 7 day muscle building plan.
How to eliminate weeds naturally
The unnatural way would be to force-feed the weed steroids and we don't want to do that as it is a known fact that steroids make men ultra-aggressive. So, steroids are definitely a no-no. Maybe we can do it along the Super Size Me lines and force feed weeds Macdonalds meals five times a day. But hey, with all the preservatives in junk food, I have to say, that might not be so natural either.
The natural way will be to get them to eat copious amounts of good healthy food like chocolate cake with caramel filling, bread puddings cooked with condensed milk, and other similar gastronomic delights, all washed down by a swig or three from a few pints of beer. Of course, that might get the weeds completely inhebriated, that they stagger drunkenly into the street, intoxicated fumes polluting our clean air, before they get hit by a maniacly depressed hit and run driver speeding around the corner. That would be one way to eliminate a weed, but won't be a pretty sight to see and might ruin our appetite for a few days after.
The best natural way to eliminate a weed, in my point of view, is to get them on some fitness/exercise program, where they give up their day jobs to go to the gym full time, every day, six days a week. They are allowed one day off to practise their religion. Regular workouts and brainwashing by showing the weeds Charles Atlas videos and movie clips of body building competitions for approximately three hours a day, will get their mind psyched into getting fit and muscular and putting meat on their bones. We have been told many times that it's all in the mind, and it's mind over matter, so if you can get into their psyche it stands to reason they'll automatically gain weight in all the right places.
Weeds are an integral part of society and it's not a good idea to eliminate them permanently. Rather, we can adapt them into a state which we find acceptable. It's quite easy to pull weeds if we offer them the right incentive. Most weeds have a poor self-image, so brainwashing them with body building movie clips is a sure way to inspire them to set realistic goals for themselves and their scrawny, underweight, physically weak bodies. So, have you hugged a weed today?