Phobias; the Black Cockroaches.

Cockroaches in My Radio

If there is something that I fear and Hate are the giant African cockroaches with long antennas and ugly looks. I learnt that these insects come in many different colors today when my radio stopped working and being a boy child (extremely adventurous and curious about electronics) I had to open in and fix the problem. The same idiosyncrasy lies with all college students who believe they can fix anything from people’s relationships and offering special pieces of advice to anybody who comes their way. The funniest guys of them are those IT guys who fix and install operating systems on people’s laptops when they don’t even own one.

Back to my china made woofer or subwoofer, if you like it that way. I know it is made in China because of the heavily Chinese accent voice that pops up whenever I turn on the user interface. I don t know whether radios have a user interface but take that for lack of a better word. ‘Bluetooth mode, FM mode and USB mode 'are the annoying voices that come out whenever I use my radio. Whenever I turn the Bluetooth mode the annoying onomatopoeia sound again pops up ‘Bluetooth has been connected’. My neighbor next door taunts me every time I switch it on; she has even mastered the Chinese voice and its accent such that she speaks one on one with the girl inside the radio. I love the poetry, though;

Bluetooth mode

FM mode

USB mode.

I wandered again. I was talking about the many different colors of cockroaches I found inside my radio. I wonder how insects choose such a noisy and place to reside in over some other cooler gadgets in my crib. I guess it’s because of the brilliant wiring, flashy lights and the overly designed motherboards that makes them think radio is a 'smart city' for them to live in.

Black cockroaches, others with stripped bodies (I guess the zebra cockroaches) and others white and scary pale. My bestie once told me white cockroaches are absolute babies that should not scare a grown-up man. He lied. The ones I saw were large ones probably weighing about 5 grams. He also said that these are the ones that don’t bask in the sun, which leaves me wondering where the other black ones get the time to bask and come back to the 'smart city' unnoticed. And anyway, cockroaches have a shorter lifespan of about three weeks. No time for basking!

I have got a different thought about the white cockroaches; just like human beings, their melanin could have possibly been insufficient for them to be black. An albino cockroach. Get me right. I don’t know because my high school teacher told me that melanin is a mammal thing, and maybe I am wrong. Or it could be that cursed outlaw among the cockroaches. Entomologists should come up with a smart solution on how to deal with these untamed insects so that next time I don’t have to gallop over tables and scream out my fears like Nairobi girls. I lost a flower vase to cockroaches.

Roadside Foods and Nairobi Girls

I recently stopped eating roadside foods, precisely the barbecued colored rolls of meat dabbed mutura, for the obvious reasons. There is truth in some facts. one tweet explained in a hilarious way why the stuff is sold late in the evenings when everyone is going home I don’t want to say what happened to me for the next three days after eating the stashed meat, my stomach got super rude with bouts and my body got dehydrated over something that costs less than a hundred shillings.. But that is not the only reason why I stopped. Recently a man in Nakuru as arraigned in court for slaughtering and selling cat meat .now tell me how many cats had he slaughtered before he was caught. He must have done this for long because the courts proved he was jobless and may be depended on this infuriating activity for a living. He was jailed for cruel slaughtering of an animal, that is outside an abattoir and also killing an animal that is not prescribed to be food. Here is my point, animals that are not food. Talk of the hundreds of missing donkeys in Turkana while there is a licensed donkey abattoir in Naivasha. Let’s not talk of dogs, I saw a dead one and the memories are still fresh and yuck.to those who don’t like this, please continue eating your roadside meats because one day you will find what you are looking for.

One man’s meat is another man’s poison, goes the proverb that I learned back in high school when it appeared as a compulsory question in an essay exam. I wrote the literal layman’s way. I hear that Americans make a feast of the rattlesnake. I don’t know if it is true that Chinese eat dogs although I saw those building the standard gauge railway roast one. Indians love chilies, while Zambians sell dried and smoked rats in an open-air market, south in the primitive virgin lands, I guess. People have their own eating culture but for me, I am done with roadside delicacies. Who knows that next cockroaches will be sold as halua?

I have a great dislike for girls who claim to fear the dudu or no? Am I wrong? But don’t you all see the claims on some online group full of stay at home mums and idle dads? The Kilimani mums and dads? These are the same girls who love the old tired grandpappies. The same girls who hold their trench coats on fold arms hurrying to attend a lecture down the hallway in short dresses and flat open shoes during the cold rainy season. The same girls you will see with knee-high boots and some sort of fancy wool overcoat during the hot January.

Conclusion

I decided to write this post today, about phobias, inspired by the fear of cockroaches. I love writing my drafts on paper because I cannot concentrate on the hundreds of emails streaming down. I jumped again for the second time throwing my paper and pen into the air like some crazy bloke celebrating Halloween. What actually happened is that I placed the tip pen cover on my ear, the same thing serious architects and blacksmiths do, only for the object to slide down my shoulders into my vests. I perceived it to be a stray or escapee cockroach. This second jump was a bit crazier. I must confess, I hate cockroaches and if you want to see the mad me, try scaring me with a fake cockroach and see the reaction. For this, I always insist on FAKE COCKROACHES, because a live one would make me mad.