Attack Of The Sexy Celebrity Umbrellas!
There is a new weapon in Hollywood, but you probably won't see it featured in any high powered action movies, and Jean Claude Van Damme won't be knocking off evil Russians with it any time soon. This is more of a lady's weapon. Generally unassuming and often overlooked, it is usually only used when the weather turns upon us that the shielding grace of the umbrella is unleashed. But there is much more to the umbrella than its simple function as a wetness avoidance device.
Our great friend Britney saw the secret power of the umbrella however, and unleashed it in the first of what would be a series of vicious umbrella attacks...
Britney Spears VS SUV
Britney Spears' umbrella vs SUV attack is one of those incidents that will go down in the annals of celebrity history. Head freshly shaved, and manic expression in place, she went for that poor vehicle as if she could pry it apart with her bare hands and some cheap aluminium. While we had to shake our heads at the indignity of it all, she did earn full points for effort.
More happened that night that just a simple domestic dispute however, that night, the culture of the umbrella was born.
Rihanna VS The Charts
The next celebrity umbrella attack came in a slightly different form, but was much more devastating. Rihanna's 'Umbrella' hit the charts and hit them hard. There may even be a corner of the universe where she's still at the top of the charts with that song. The fates stepped in with irony on this one, as the song that decimated the charts and put the young Barbadian on the celebrity songstress map was actually originally intended for Britney Spears. Unfortunately Britney turned the hit single down by not even bothering to return the creator's call. Smart call there Britney.
Jessica Biel VS Paparazzo
Jessica Biel took to the umbrella recently when she tried to avoid the paparazzi. She carried the opened umbrella as a sort of photographic shielding device. Did it work? Well not so much, and in an agitated state Jessica is alleged to have hit a photographer with it and told him to get a real job that wasn't reliant on stalking people. Whether or not he told her to get a real job that didn't involve showing off her ass is unknown.
BEWARE THE UMBRELLA!
Who will be next to unleash the wrath of the Umbrella? It is surely only a matter of time. Keep your eyes peeled and don't let that sneaky little canvas wretch by your door out of your sight. Umbrellas are dangerous weapons indeed, and you just never know where the next strike is coming from.