ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Bad Cook Recipes: Judaeo-Christian Omelettes You Can Really Eat

Updated on March 7, 2008

The humble egg...

Don't let it scare you...

"I'm frightened of eggs, worse than frightened, they revolt me. That white round thing without any holes have you ever seen anything more revolting than an egg yolk breaking and spilling its yellow liquid? Blood is jolly, red. But egg yolk is yellow, revolting. I've never tasted it."

- Alfred Hitchcock

Must be broken...

Just don't ask the Lithuanians to peel it...

"Offer the lazy an egg, and they'll want you to peel it for them"

-Lithuanian Proverb

For the omelette to be created...

Wise words to remember...

"A round egg can be made square according to how you cut it; words would be harsh according to how you speak them"

- Japanese Proverb

Lo! Thou has come unto this page because thou seekest the hidden knowledge associated with the making of the omelette. Make thyself comfortable seeker, for in due course, all shall be revealed unto thee.

First, in preparation for making the omelette, thou must come to terms with the breaking of the eggs, for it is easier for a rich man to pass through the eye of a needle than for an omelette to be made from unbroken eggs.

If thou hast comprehended what has been said, thou mayest continue unto the creation of the omelette, following precisely the omelette commandments.

1. Thou shalt breaketh the eggs. (Roughly two per person who seeks to consume the flesh of the omelette.)

2. Thou shalt put the broken eggs unto a vessel. If thou is concerned about thy health, one can separate the yolks from the whites, and create the omelette from the whites only. If one chooses this path, one will surely need more eggs, and one should save the yolks for baking later. Wasteth not, wanteth not.

3 Thou shalt add unto the vessel the juice of a cow's mammaries (milk).

4 Thou shalt add salt and pepper. As the bible sayest ": "Can that which is unsavory be eaten without salt? or is there any taste in the white of an egg? Job 6:6"

5. Thou shalt shaketh or stirreth the mixture about. The method is left to thy discretion, though one hears that it is generally regarded as being more classy to have ones omelettes shaken, not stirred. Thou shalt not hokey pokey.

6 Thou shalt heateth the pan until the surface becomes equal to the temperatures of the deepest inferno. (Yet still not too hot, for if it be to hot, then the egg will burn, and amidst great wailing and gnashing of teeth shall the omelette be discarded as worthless refuse.)

7 Thou shalt add the whipped juice of a cow's mammaries unto the pan. (Butter)

8 Thou shalt now be faced with the tricky part. Thou must let the omelette cook until it is almost cooked all the way through to the top. When it has attained this level of cookedness, and one sees the dryness upon the edges of the omelette, thou mayest add grated cheese, and then flip half the omelette onto the other half.

9 Thou shalt slide the omelette from the pan, and thou ist done.

10 Thou shalt give thanks and consume.

For more recipes...

Bad Cook Recipes

A cooking site devoted to people who can't cook, yet still feel the need to consume food in order to assure their survival.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Hope Alexander profile imageAUTHOR

      Hope Alexander 

      10 years ago

      Thank you for your kind words, blessed be and praise unto you!

    • robie2 profile image

      Roberta Kyle 

      10 years ago from Central New Jersey

      Thou art a really clever writer. Let us all give thanks:-) Lovely hub!

    • Kathryn Vercillo profile image

      Kathryn Vercillo 

      10 years ago from San Francisco

      What a creative article! Love it!


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)