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Learn to Forgive in Life

Updated on April 24, 2011

The Memory

Have you ever experienced an event in your life that you can't seem to forget? It agitates you and angers you when you recall and dwell on the memory. Perhaps someone did one or more of the following to you?

  • stole from you
  • misled you
  • cheated you in some way
  • abused you
  • lied to you

And you want to get back at them-period! You cannot seem to forget the event. The anger and hate is rising and rising within you. Ask yourself the following:

  • Is it your mind that won't let you forget the event?
  • Do you really want to forget the event?
  • Or do you enjoy your thoughts of anger, hate, and thoughts of revenge regarding the event?

The Choice of Revenge or Forgiveness

Fear, anger, hate, and revenge are the most destructive forms of energy that a person can become embroiled in. These negative emotions can dominate your thinking and can lead you to commit negative acts. Revenge is a very dangerous act to commit. If you commit an unjustifiable negative act in your life, you in turn will become part of that negative cycle. What goes around comes around, no matter who you are in this world. We see this time and time again in the media. By giving in to your fear, anger, and hate you ultimately will be no different than those who wronged you in the first place.

By allowing yourself to forgive the person and the event, you may find yourself in a more comfortable and content state of mind. By letting go of the need for revenge which is fed from your hate and anger, you will naturally start focusing on the things in life that truly matter to you and which hopefully bring you a sense of fulfillment. When a person is pursuing the fulfillment of their own life, generally speaking they will be content and comfortable with life: no matter how physically hectic it can be!

You have a choice of thoughts regarding revenge or forgiveness:

  • negative or positive
  • destructive or non-destructive
  • irrational or logical
  • revenge or forgiveness

You make this choice; no one else does it for you. There may be times in your life when you have to defend yourself, family, or even your country; nonetheless, the decisions during the life path are yours. It can be positively radiant and fulfilling, or it can become depressingly negative and hateful. The choice is yours.

How to Forgive

Some people struggle with the concept of releasing anger toward someone who has wronged them. The problem is that we can become so entrenched in a viewpoint we simply don't know any different.

Here are ten ways to help you move towards contentment and forgiveness in your life and move away from toxic emotions. Go to a quite place preferably in your home, then relax for a 5-10 minutes and go through the following steps in your mind.

  1. Calm your emotions through deep breathing.
  2. Analyze the event from a logical objective perspective
  3. Seek the truth and the facts
  4. Acknowledge the facts of what happened
  5. Know that your were mistreated
  6. Know that you were right
  7. Let the memory fade into history
  8. Let go of the anger and hateful energy that surrounds you
  9. Focus your thoughts on those who care about you in life
  10. Focus your thoughts on the things in life that you like in life

By performing these simple steps on a daily basis, you should gradually notice that you feel more content and at peace with yourself. By focusing on those who love you and the things in life that you like, you will attract positive energy into your life . . . and that's a good thing.

About the author: Sandy Andrew is the Radio Show Host & Author of the Universal Learning Series. He was born in the Scottish town of Paisley. He has lived, worked, and studied globally in Scotland, England, South Africa, and the USA. Sandy currently resides in Kansas City, USA, with his wife and daughter.


Your Never-Ending Life: Book 1 of the Universal Learning Series


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    • debrakcarey profile image


      10 years ago from West Plains, Missouri

      Great hub! I forgive...because I am forgiven of God. If I judge others, I open myself back up to the judgment I escaped. Besides, God loved me enough to die so that I might find is only right that I love those who need to find this same forgiveness by forgiving them of any wrong they may have done to me.....full circle. Debi

    • Sandy Andrew profile imageAUTHOR

      Sandy Andrew 

      10 years ago from Kansas City

      Try and look at the event as learning. Learn from the experience. Take the good from it and let the other negative emotions go.

    • johnngd profile image


      10 years ago from Sydney

      I love your ten step approach to forgive, very practical. The hardest challenge is to look at the event objectively. Do you have any ideads how to do this more effectively?


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