ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Garbage in - Garbage Out

Updated on July 15, 2008

My e-mail is sorted thusly...

One account for personal friends, one account for business correspondence, one account for e-commerce (i.e. things I buy online) and one for the assorted spam I receive on a regular basis. On any average day I may receive an e-mail or two in the first three in-baskets...however, I seem to be especially popular with the conveyors of cyber crap. They would like to offer me a new job in international money laundering or help me to enlarge my penis...or perhaps the penis in my life which is not actually MY penis so I'd feel kind of like I was over-stepping my bounds if I forwarded it to Donnie...

My time is valuable to me...

I hate spending even 5 minutes hitting a delete button when I could be...oh, I don't know...shaving my legs. The same goes for snail mail. Everyone seems to think I need a credit card...or that I need to know what's on sale, where and when because my entire life is based around consumerism. I buy one pair of panties from Victoria's Secret online and they inundate me with e-mails offering me so much lingerie they must think I don't need to wear actual clothing to work. I won't complain overly about all the catalogs they mail out since Donnie seems to enjoy those.

And while we're on the bitch-wagon...

How about those chain letters folks? It's amazing how those suckers have evolved. If you don't answer them you'll have bad luck forever, you could die if you send only 7 when your lucky number was 8...or even worse... But even THAT wasn't enough incentive for some people to hit that forward key and ruin the days of those unfortunate enough to be in their computerized address book. If self-preservation wouldn't work...all the stops must be pulled out. Guilt. If you don't at the very LEAST forward this back to me you are not my friend and you've never loved me, you rotten scum bag. For all those that didn't get a returned chain letter from me, the mere fact that I didn't knock on your door and beat you with my mouse pad should be proof enough that I consider you my friend. Here's an idea though...a suggestion if you will....try actually sending an e-mail some time. I'd really like to know what's going on in your life and not randomly receive a sparkly rose of friendship that should be eternally passed around because it's friendship week.

But I digress from the true intent of this blog...

The dreaded hoax e-mails. Luckily, I was born third in my family...which allowed me the luxury of sitting back and watching my older sister make an absolute gullible idiot of herself as my brother (the eldest) and his caustic wit flagellated her ego into shreds in front of mutual (and many) e-email recipients. She'd forward e-mails to family and friends with an "OMG...Can you believe this?! The poor guy!" with an attachment about some schmuck that supposedly woke up in a tub full of ice in a hotel room because kidney-bandits had robbed him. With a rah-rah attitude she championed the tumors with missing children of the world....err...switch that around a bit...who oddly enough believed with all their heart and poignantly dying souls that gathering electronic signals would singlehandedly make their lives and deaths more meaningful. And late at night, when her family slept peacefully unaware, she was earning money from Bill Gates....becoming a major benefactor of international Amazing, huh?

Not to my brother...

In fact, he found it somewhat irritating. But as an elder sibling...not to mention a brother...he felt it was not only just his pleasure..but his correct my sister...and in as public a forum as he could manage. This is where being third in the struggle for dominance and survival that some would call a family...came in handy. My older sister, my idol of feminine wiles, was being publicly humiliated and exposed as the village idiot, albeit a rather hot looking village idiot, by my razor-witted brother. Being the sister who was known by outsiders as "the smart one"...I enjoyed it immensely. But even more than that, I was enjoying even more the fact that it wasn't me that had forwarded that particular e-mail to our brother. You see...just like I arrange my in-boxes, I also have my address books arranged by groups such as family...or friends. I never forward crap like that on to my family... Hey! We're talking kidneys here...okay?

As my grandfather used to say..."If it sounds too good to be true, more than likely it's not." When in doubt, before hitting that forward key and either perpetuating an urban myth or irritating somebody like my big brother, open that browser and type


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • plaid pages profile image

      plaid pages 

      6 years ago from Wisconsin

      I'm a fan...

    • profile image


      10 years ago

      I'm with you 100% Spryte - great hub!


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)