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How to Get Over a Breakup

Updated on September 15, 2008

I don't know about you, but I have been through a lot of breakups. Too many, really. And no matter how many times I go through it, it never gets any easier. The more you feel and the more you let them into your heart, the more it hurts when it is over, even if it was you that had to end it. I have written down some of the ways that helped me get over the worst heartbreaks of my life. I doubt some of these are the types of things a professional might advise you to do, but this is what worked for me.

Remember the Bad Times

There comes a point after every breakup where we start to romanticize the good times. Who knows why we do it. Maybe it's because we are alone now and all that keeps coming to mind is how much "better" things were when you were together. Maybe we are just torturing ourselves in a way, sticking the knife in deeper so to speak.

Well, Stop it! If it's really over, then why make it worse for yourself by replaying all the times when you were happy together? Instead of wallowing in self-pity, try making a list of all of the stupid arguments that led you to think "Why am I still in this relationship?" Try to remember a time when he hurt your feelings or said something that really made you angry. Trust me, it helps. Now, I am not advocating that you become a bitter person who trashes your ex all of the time. I'm just saying that when you're feeling depressed because of all the good times, it helps to have a handy list reminding you of some of the bad times too.

Get Rid of Keepsakes

You know all of those little tickets stubs and cards and pictures that you have in a little memory box on your nightstand? Sure, those things were great when you were still going out, because they helped you to remember all of those times you shared together. Now, every one of those happy times is just going to make you upset, and that's not going to help you get over him anytime soon.

It's time to get rid of the keepsakes and the pictures. Burn them, tear them up in an angry fit, flush them down the toilet. Do whatever you have to do. Okay, so maybe you don't want to get rid of them permanently. Compromise with me and just put them all in a shoebox and give them to a friend or to your mom to keep with orders to hide them for at least 3 months so you won't end up crying salty tears into your martini while looking through all of those old pictures.

Have A Good Cry (or Sob)

Embrace the pain. For one night, just let it all out. Arrange some time alone or with your best friend and cry it out. If you're alone, feel free to curl up on the kitchen floor and cry until you're dehydrated. Reminisce about the old times, the times when you were happy and the times when you weren't. Think about how you're feeling about losing him or about how he broke your heart. Just wallow in it.

But when the night is up, it's over. Use your one night of pain as a cleansing of the past and the heartache. When you're all cried out, pick yourself up off the floor and commit to moving on. Sometimes you just need to let yourself really feel everything that is in your heart deep down to your toes. Just make sure that you limit it to one night or one hour and let it go no further. Believe me, that is not a place you want to live in.

Don't Go Anywhere Where You'll Have to See Him

If you're not over the breakup just yet, maybe it's better to skip that party that your mutual friend is giving. You don't have to tell anyone that you're not going just because of him. In fact, it's better if you casually decline and say that you have other plans. I know that people always told me to go and act confident. "Never let him see how much he hurt you." Has anyone told you that before? It never made me feel better. It just made it hurt more. You'll just spend the whole night watching who he's talking to and wondering if he's going to come talk to you.

This can be especially difficult if he has a new girl and is going to bring her. There's no reason to confront that situation until you are strong and over it. Also, there's also the ex-boyfriend cheater who still flirts with you, and in your fragile state, you might do something you regret. It's better to just stay away for a little while.

Go Out With Your Girlfriends

You probably ignored them a little bit when you were wrapped about his finger anyway, so now's the time to reconnect and make it up to your best girlfriends. Try going out and not even talking about him all night. Fill your night with fun activities and concentrate on catching up with what your friends are going through and what is important to them right now. There is plenty of time to have a one-on-one ex-bashing conversation with your best friend later... but tonight let it be all about fun with the girls.

It's possible that being a single girl out with your other single friends will remind you of all the possibilities that have opened up now that you are no longer in that relationship. You can pursue some things that you used to love when you had more free time for yourself. Spending time with your friends is a great way to feel the support of people that love you.

Chat Online With New Friends

There is a whole new world out there on the internet. You can spend time getting involved in discussions on MyLot and also make money at the same time. There are game sites where you can chat with people from all over the states or even the world while playing fun and mindless games from bingo to slot machines. As nerdy as it may sound, I met my fiance while playing an MMO (Massive Multiplayer Online) called Everquest 2 after my last breakup. There are thousands of ways to meet people online and even if you aren't ready to date just yet, it can really help to meet new people and make new friends without worrying about how you look when you're typing.

My one warning about this is to be careful not to get too emotionally attached to someone online really fast. Go online and have some fun, but don't spend all of your time talking about your ex, and don't meet up with someone you've just met. Have fun, but keep your personal safety in mind as well.

Write It Out

Still have some things that you wished you had said? Still carrying anger over some of the things that he did or said? Take out a fresh piece of paper (or twelve) and write him a letter. Put everything in there that you wish you could say to him. Pour your heart out in words without any reservations or holding anything back. You might even be surprised at some of the things that come out... things you didn't even realize you were feeling.

When you are done and you feel like you have said it all, do like Usher said and "Let it Burn." This is not a letter you want anyone to ever actually read. Actually giving it to your ex might make you seem like a psycho, and if he's anything like my ex's, he will have an excuse ready for everything you are angry over. Use this as a chance to get it all off of your chest, and then destroy the evidence.

Pamper Yourself

When all else fails, go shopping! Buy a cute new outfit. Get your nails done and go see a chick-flick in the middle of the afternoon (large popcorn, please). Heck, change your hair color and get a whole new look. Treat yourself to the kinds of things that really make you feel good. You deserve it!

Of course, wracking up a bunch of charges on your credit card isn't going to make you happy no matter how good it makes you feel in the meantime. Instead, set aside some extra cash for a pampering day that you can enjoy, debt free and stress free.

No matter which methods you use to help you get over your ex, it's important that you don't let yourself get too depressed and upset over a heartbreak. It's going to hurt for a while. The longer and more intense the relationship, the longer it hurts. Just know that you WILL get over it. You are going to be okay. Concentrate on your good features and fill your life with new people and a new attitude so that you are ready when love comes knocking at your door again.


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