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Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen, cute girls grown up, or scary undead zombies?

Updated on June 21, 2007

She walketh the streets in darkness...

The crazed eyes give it away...

Sexy cool zombie girl

Mary Kate and Ashely. You were introduced to them as babies on the incredibly cheesy and feel good sitcom “Full House”, and saw them grow up little bit by little bit, going from wordless blobs to just the cutest little tv kids ever, to loquacious youngsters, to teens that still scarily looked like kids, to adults that now look, well, undead.

You might think it is unkind to make comments of this sort of nature, but sometimes when you see a spade in designer clothing, you just have to point out the fact that it's a spade. To not do so would be to deny the reality that lies before our eyes, and perhaps have our brains eaten whilst we scream and scream, just because we weren't prepared to point out that the Emperor was naked.

We have to consider is the very real possibility that they are in fact undead zombies that walk amongst us. Think about it, even as they've aged, they haven't really changed in appearance except to become more wan and skeletal. In spite of these things, they've gone from strength to strength, making products for the teeny and tweeny markets which have been consumed with a voraciousness that could really only truly be caused by some zombie spell.

That's perhaps the real concern here. Are our children at risk of contracting a zombie virus? Will they turn on us with their cute little grins, their wide eyes, and then lumber towards us, clutching Mary Kate and Ashley merchandise, clamoring for fresh meat from the living? As cool as that kind of thing would be (someone should totally make a video game that will be banned everywhere based on that premise) I'd jump at the chance to play a zombie kid who feasts upon the adult drones unless they give me more and more DVD's, clothes, letter sets, and other valuable items.

That could even be the next step in their marketing plan, but I'm getting off topic now. Seriously, Mary Kate and Ashley look about as unhealthy as you cant get without actually being dead. It's not just their skinniness, it's their general demeanor, their ambiance if you will. Is this really the look we want for the role models to millions of girls around the world? When they one day rule the earth, will we rue the day that we refused to notice the threat? I can only hope not.


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