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Welcome To My Online Urinal

Updated on January 12, 2009

 I'm new here; in case you didn't know. To be quite honest when I first got here, I was a little intimidated, and actually I still sort of am.

You see, whenever I start up on a new website, I know that I'm going in it as a newbie. An annoying pain in the butt, who will likely hit up forums and ask a million questions. The same questions that likely was asked by 400,000 other newbies before me.

Usually whenever I join a new site, I'm loved by few, and hated by many. Take for example. When I first joined that site, I got grilled on everything from my user name, to of course my reviews. Not enough detail, too much detail, not long enough, too short, not short enough, too long.

I roamed those pastures for about 3 years till finally I got sick and tired of the non stop rating of VH to the same damn monotone cookie cutter reviews. I got sick of being yelled at for saying crap in my reviews, and sick of being told by other reviewers who, and who should not be on my magical web of trust. I'm sure anyone who is, or ever was a part of that community know exactly what I'm talking about.The WOT. That's Hot!

After managing to grab an advisor status (which is basically the equivalent to working on the site more often than you do your 'real' job), I finally felt accomplished, and walked away.

I was told about associated content. An excellent site in my opinion. I got paid more there, people were friendly there, and I managed to scoop up a top 1000 badge in only a year. I began to enjoy writing again, and I am overall loyal to that site.

However one fine day while sitting behind my desk, I figured I should branch out; see what else was available. Something not as demanding, and hey- maybe even some spare income?

A blog! I joined Blogspot, but didn't quite fancy their templates, or look. I found hubpages next, and so far, I'm liking it.

Again though, I'm a newbie, and there is just something about being a newbie that scares newcomers to any site.

On epinions, I didn't have anyone warmly welcome me, it took about a week though to get my first foul and rude comment. Some chick on a high horse rambling on about how my user name was ridiculous, thus the reason she left me a nice fat rate of NH, which means, not helpful. hehe. No matter how wonderful my review was, my user name kept me from gaining an honest rating. How lovely! A nice hardcore NH rating, from an undersexed housewife.

I guess my nasty reply back to her created what people over there like to call, comment wars. I told her to get over herself, and before I knew it I had around 20 or so members of the community attacking me. All for... sticking up for myself? What Gives? 

For around a month or so, I had non-stop NH ratings based off of the fact that I was - err- well known as the 'bad newbie'.However little did these high horse members know, that I had a secret society of epinions members who adored me for sticking up for myself, and telling it how it was. Their encouragement kept me around. Thank you to those honest real folks over there. The ones who made the place comfortable.

Basically due to that experience, I always tread lightly when I'm new to any community. If someone has something foul to say to me, I'll basically just ignore it now, instead of feeding into it. I figure those who have nothing but negativity to spread have personal mental issues.

I mean hello... we're online, and we know damn well that most who give out hate, are really just a bunch of low down losers in real life with nothing interesting going on in their lives. They entertain themselves by trying to get a reaction out of others.

Sometimes though, when I'm bored and come across a nasty comment, I will feed into a comment war even if it's not my war. I do it just for the sake of my own boredom. It's human nature really, and sometimes... comment wars, they make you laugh, because you know the dudes doing all the back and forth arguing are nothing but a bunch of old ass folks behind a computer screen acting like they're in junior high. They finally get to feel what it feels like to be a bully, and not the one being bullied. A sense of power takes over, and they start acting all hardcore. Please, gimme a break. Hah!

But please, by all means continue... because it's entertaining. Online life would be boring without the small sack of ball-less online bullies.

Another online war that I think is hilarious is the LINK WARS!I'm sure all of you know them; possibly even participated in one. It's when you get into a lame little tiff in an online forum, and the tiff continues on into another forum, due to the fact that that forum was locked by mods seeing that it got so out of control.

Usually link wars are wars start off about a disagreement in politics or religion. That's why I never write about either. They're hot topic issues, and generate a ton of clicks, but too many crazed folks fighting in one place is too much for my mind to handle.

Anyway in a new forum, the two going head to head will spam one another links from a time when he said, she said, he said... it's funny... and sometimes it can even create a story if you're an onlooker of a link war.

I think though on every site there is a small group of those that come from an online urinal. They'll piss out there venom, toss poo around, and think they won some retarded battle of wits (I know, because they'll use the word wits quite often times; it's when they think they hit you up with the online comment of all comments- the holy grail comment)

If you ignore this 'holy grail witty comment'they'll get really pissed off, and stalk you on the web, spewing out more piss and tossing even more poo wherever you may roam.

I'm hoping here on hubpages, I don't run into any online urinals because, I so far really enjoy this community, and already I have gotten a warm welcome by a fella named Jim. So Thanks Jim, for the warm welcome. When you join any community, your first warm welcome never goes unforgotten. I think that goes for everyone. Can you remember your first warm welcome? I'm sure you can.

Anyway, although I'm a few days late... howdy-Names Melissa, and I'm new here. I should have possibly said howdy earlier on, but I'm a quite one, so I'm always late when saying hi, or howdy...or hola.

I enjoy crude humor, and bodily function humor always makes me laugh. I like swimming, reading, and writing. I don't like loud fake people, and I mostly keep to myself. I'm a hermit by nature, but can explode if lit.

I like walks on beaches, collecting sea shells, observing my surroundings, ghost stories, demon documentaries, horror movies, and most of all I like good people.

I laugh whenever I see girls online on writing sites using trampy avatars to try and generate more clicks by curious horny guys; you know the ones with the slutty photographs of themselves lickin their lips while sporting an 80's bikini?

I laugh when someone farts and admits it, and I don't mind burping out loud. I'm crude, I'm creepy, I'm comical, I'm cute.

I'm however you see me really... by my avatar though I'm sure plenty of you have already judged me. Feet on a beach- she's probably rich. Feet on a beach with no swimsuit shot- she's probably fat. Feet on a beach with beautiful waters... shes a fat rich bitch.

I'm none of the above, but see it as you will. Humans are judging by nature, so I'm sure I already have a secret fan club of haters, and possibly a secret club of those who like me, but haven't yet stepped out of the woodwork. In any case... I'll say it again, hello, I'm new here.

Welcome to my Online Urinal.




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    • MellasViews profile imageAUTHOR


      9 years ago from Earth

      Thanks guys!!! Im heading to check out some of your hubs. ; )

    • profile image

      Adam B 

      9 years ago

      Hello, I am glad you published this online urinal...I was about to piss myself! Welcome and I look forward to more from you.

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image

      Cindy Lawson 

      9 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Welcome to the team, we are a friendly bunch here honest. :)

    • profile image

      C. C. Riter 

      9 years ago

      Welcome Melissa! What a great intro! I'm fairly new here too and love it. All great people! You're going to fit in nicely, I think. Love your little dandelion toes too, so cute! Have fun now, and congratulations on being a nominee!

    • ripplemaker profile image

      Michelle Simtoco 

      9 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

      Melissa, I enjoyed reading your thoughts and experiences online. I was a newbie too like you and when I joined Hubpages I was "scared" too. But I found and met great people like those who are welcoming you here. :-) There are still more out there. Keep hubbing and congratulations for being nominated in this week hubnuggets. :-)

    • Lifebydesign profile image


      9 years ago from Australia

      Hi Melissa, great hubnugget. You can definitely learn alot here, and its fun! Oh, and welcome!

    • MellasViews profile imageAUTHOR


      9 years ago from Earth

      Thanks everyone. I never knew Id be a hubnuggest nominee... ((takes a bow)). I knew my infatuation with bathroom humor would eventually pay off. lol. Even if I don't win, it was cool to even be chosen.

    • foodstorage profile image


      9 years ago from Utah

      Well I like your username here. Mella sounds like Bella, and who doesn't love Twilight? Hahaha. Thus hub was great. It's easy to get caught up in online fights but quite hilarious if you step back and think about what is really happening. Too funny.

    • surviveprison profile image


      9 years ago from New York

      great post!

    • funride profile image

      Ricardo Nunes 

      9 years ago from Portugal

      Hi MellasViews, I just posted up this week's HubNugget nominations and your hub was chosen as one of them. If your Hub gets enough votes to be in the top 5, then it will be featured in the newsletter that goes out to thousands of Hubbers each week.


      Ricardo "funride" Nunes

    • MellasViews profile imageAUTHOR


      9 years ago from Earth

      wow!!!! Thanks everyone, this was such an awesome response. I didnt think anyone would even come and read my first entry into my online urinal. I was going to do a part 2 today, but... I sort of got lazy, and nothing entertaining would come out. I had a brain fart or something.

    • ajcor profile image


      9 years ago from NSW. Australia

      Welcome Melissa - glad you could come and hope you will stay - most of us enjoy a good laugh and don't mind bodily function humour - I enjoyed this hub - great title and a good read and I look forward to reading your others! ....cheers

    • St.James profile image


      9 years ago from Lurking Around Florida

      Welcome love the hub, but...what's wrong with living on a beach?

      I don't mention or knock your 'hood in my writings. ;)

    • Cris A profile image

      Cris A 

      9 years ago from Manila, Philippines

      I don't give a hoot if you don't like hubs on top perfumes (you nod your head and remember) and the like but it's too late I already like you! But nonetheless i'm off to forming a hatemella crew to see if you're as good with taking a diss as you are with giving them! LOL Welcome to the wonderful world of hubbing! :D

    • Misha profile image


      9 years ago from DC Area

      LOL Most of folks don't remember, but we used to have another pair of feet here, which were quite entertaining and friendly. Hope yours are, too - at least judging by what you managed so far :)

      Welcome to HuGpages :)

    • Pam Roberson profile image

      Pam Roberson 

      9 years ago from Virginia

      I got a head start reading some of your hubs, and I likey! :D This intro to you is awesome, and I can't resist someone who encompasses so many "C" traits...cute, creepy, crude, comical. Welcome! :D

    • B.T. Evilpants profile image

      B.T. Evilpants 

      9 years ago from Hell, MI

      *Taps Chris on the shoulder, and runs away*

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 

      9 years ago from St. Louis

      Oh, by the way. Watch out for B.T. Evilpants. He is evil...and he's not even human. He hasn't been here yet has he?

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 

      9 years ago from St. Louis

      Melissa: Now, that just shows how wrong you can be. Well, let me be the (second?) person to welcome you here. I dig your writing style (I use words like "dig"). It was clear and flowed smoothly (unlike mine, which are not all that clear and go all over the place.)

      Oh...Name's Chris, by the way. Pleased to meet you!

      I don't think we get a lot of that "secret clique" stuff here. Even the assho*** are kind of looked at like, "well, there goes (name), shooting his mouth off again." Mostly it's nice and supportive. I can't believe you have written that much stuff in the short time you have been here. I'm looking forward to reading many more!

      Well done!


    • B.T. Evilpants profile image

      B.T. Evilpants 

      9 years ago from Hell, MI

      So, you like crude humor, eh? I think we'll get along just fine. Welcome, friend!

    • goldentoad profile image


      9 years ago from Free and running....

      I can dig it, but please don't hold back. And I enjoyed your hub about boring titles, there was recently a contest on it actually as RockinJoe, look him up, kind of mocked the whole "yawner titles" thing. I myself, did a boring hub title just to see if it would do any different from the rest of my hubs, but I struck out on that one too. I thought I could "fool" people in thinking it was an informative article on cell phones, but like I said, it didn't work.

    • Ashley Tyler profile image

      Ashley Tyler 

      9 years ago from Oklahoma

      Hi there and welcome to Hubpages. The community here is nothing like any of the other places you mentioned. People here are cool and dont argue about trivial things. So far I have not come across any hubbers I did not like. Everyone is always very helpful.


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