ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Remembering Mom

Updated on May 11, 2008

Mama after chemotherapy

Happy Mother's Day 2008

As I watched my mother lay dying in 2002 I had nothing left for her but unconditional love, compassion and forgiveness. All those years of bickering and tough love and substance abuse were put aside, and I was so grateful to have the lifestyle which allowed me to take care of her that last year.

Yup, we only have one mum and dad, for better or worse, and we love them even though we might not like them. They love us if they know how - I was lucky - my parents weren't my best friends as a child. They were strict disciplinarians who relied on corpal punishment as a means to keep us in line. They worked long and hard to provide us with the material comforts of life, never really interacting "per se" but rather acting as "handlers." My dad was ALWAYS working - two jobs to raise his 7 children; and my mom worked with him in a swimming pool construction and maintenance company back in the '60s - Azure Pools. Wasn't that nice! I grew up in the water, spending every summer swimming and diving and thinking I could breathe like a fish!

Azure Pools

Their company on Van Nuys Blvd. in Los Angeles, CA. San Fernando Valley - I was a Valley Girl!
Their company on Van Nuys Blvd. in Los Angeles, CA. San Fernando Valley - I was a Valley Girl!

Happy Birthday Mom

Another August Birthday in sunny Sepulveda, CA.
Another August Birthday in sunny Sepulveda, CA.

Later

The company folded as my mom and dad could no longer agree on the "money" aspects; mom wanting more, dad eager to give services for less. So Mother started a career as a horse-racing fan frequenting Santa Anita, Del Mar and Hollywood Park. She was a professional gambler in those years, and also drank too much. Daddy kept servicing the pools but no longer built them. They stayed together another 30 years spending their 50th Wedding Anniversary together. By then Mother just wanted out, and Daddy knew it.

The years we spent in Southern California were exciting and fun and fast. Here is a picture of them together on their patio with pool in Sepulveda, CA, @ 1975.

The Big Move

Daddy finally got to retire in 1989 when he was 70 years old. He and Mother moved to Paradise, CA., just three hours north of my home in Sonoma County. Daddy got to raise chickens and grow a garden and slow down a bit. He and Mom took some cruises and went to Reno often to satisfy my mom's lingering gambling habit. Time passed, we had many wonderful reunions in that house until 1997 when Daddy died from a massive heart attack. It was fast, no languishing in a hospital bed. He made sure of that, didn't even tell mom until it was too late. He died in her arms. We were shocked; luckily I had just talked to him. Not so for a few of my sisters. It was very hard, but in the end we knew he hadn't suffered. It wasn't so easy with Mom.

Within two years she had moved to New Mexico (she was 78 years old) to be closer to her high school sweetheart with whom she had started a clandestine relationship a year before my dad departed. I'm sure that's one reason he gave up. Couldn't go on living the lies my mother had shoved down our throats all our lives. Anyway - the sweetheart wasn't that pleased as he was married, but Mom persisted and lived within two blocks of him, always ready to have a quick rendezvous or see him after church.

I had moved closer to her, but when she was diagnosed with lung cancer I sold my house, stored my stuff, and moved in with her for that last year. It was a hoot and a holler. We laughed and cried and remembered - argued and agreed to disagree. She was amazingly resilient - had learned to forgive, liked to smile and help others. She became the child in old age - as often happens. We are born helpless and end up that way too often.

It was an honor to help her - love her, cook for her, take her to countless doctors, sleep in the room with her, fight with the physicians and nurses about her progress. She was my mama, who helped me through so much as a young woman; who suffered through alcholism and substance abuse, as I have. We are so much alike I realize now, after a lifetime of trying not to be like her. I certainly see her when I look into my own eyes. Her lessons are my lessons. Her suffering is my suffering. We are one person, really, all of us with the same issues and desires and needs.

Love your Mama, she will be gone in a wink!

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)