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Sexy Heather Locklear's Drug DUI Scandal

Updated on September 29, 2008

Ever wish you were rich and famous and had been on sweet TV shows and been adored by millions? Well maybe hiding away inside your apartment with your best friend Mittens the cat isn't such a bad way to live life after all, at least you don't end up driving your car onto a pavement to run over a pair of sunglasses repetitively before being arrested by LA's finest and thrown in the slammer.

All is evidently not well in Heather Locklear's world, as evidenced by the fact that she was arrested after getting very high on unconfirmed substances and behaving erratically in a vehicle. The LA Times reported that Heather was reported by another motorist for driving erratically, which in reality meant driving on the pavement, stopping her car in the middle of traffic, then rushing out into it and stumbling about until officers arrived and decided that she was under the influence of something.

Here's my question. How on earth do celebrities manage to survive these things over and over again? Lindsay Lohan crashed her car into a pole, Nicole Richie drove the wrong way into oncoming traffic, and now Heather Locklear frolics amongst speeding cars and comes away unscathed. If these were ordinary people they would be dead by now, but evidently celebrity brings with it a kind of strange super power that enables one to engage in reckless behavior for the benefit of the tabloids and escape unharmed, safe to dose up another day. Even Amy Winehouse, who was declared medically dead in mid 2007 continues to stumble about the place performing at festivals and terrifying small children.

And then there's the mugshot. Would you look at Heather Locklear's mugshot. Look at that face, not a mark on it. She's as blemish free as she once was on prime time tv. Sure the hair could do with a bit of brushing, but whose couldn't? I wanna meet the guy who does the LA mugshots, because he's clearly a pro. No matter how wasted a celebrity is when they go in for their mugshots, they always end up looking like an extra for a Neutrogena commercial.

What's the moral of the story here? I'm not entirely sure there is one, unless it's a Lion King style 'Circle of Celebrity Life' lesson, where we come to understand that all celebrities have their place in the circle of celebrity life, and those who are no longer at the top of their game slowly cycle down to DUI's and launching clothing lines. Yes, that's it.


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