ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Hope's Style Tips: A Woman Can't Live Without Her Handbag

Updated on October 16, 2008

This vintage Louis Vuitton handbag...

...costs too damn much...
...costs too damn much...

An essential element of a modern woman's accessory arsenal, a handbag provides a handy, compact, easily forgettable/stealable/loseable carry all for all your most useful and important items. In just one bag you can put your house keys, credit cards, cash, ID's, cell phone, and then leave it sitting securely under your chair at a local restaurant.

I don't carry a handbag personally, partly because of the above reasons, and partly because you can't really fit a laptop in one, and my job as a word ninja depends on being able to bring my laptop with me in some sort of carrying case which isn't expressly designed to slip from my hand or shoulder and scatter the shattered contents all over the nearest public area. However I think that you, gentle reader, defintely should buy and carry many handbags.

Handbags are excellent in many respects. If carried in the hand, they effectively tie your hands in the case of being attacked, or even just falling over, relieving you of the responsibility of being a fully functional human being. Carrying a handbag effectively cuts down on about 50% of your dexterity, making you natural prey for predators ranging from the mugger to the mountain lion. This will force you to be dependent on the protection and support of larger more masculine humanoids, making you seem more delicate and feminine.

Handbags with longer straps can be worn over the shoulder and be the cause of many happily charming RSI style problems, especially if coupled with some stylish high heels. Remember, if you don't feel like you were born with a terrible crippling genetic disease after five minutes in a fashionable outfit, you're doing it wrong.

Of course, a handbag provides an opportunity to dress up your outfit, and it is vitally important that a woman carry the right handbag for the right dress. Changing from a blue dress to a red dress will therefore require that you empty your entire bag and pack all the items into a new one before leaving the house in order not to become the laughing stock of your local women's circle. Handbags provide women with a focal point for OCD type neurosis, not to mention improve the overall frustration level of the wider community by becoming vortexes of doom, hiding vital elements at important times. Who doesn't enjoy feeling their blood pressure rise as they wait in line behind a woman shuffling frantically through her handbag whilst chanting the mantra 'its in here somewhere'.

Whether you're a woman or a man, I highly recommend purchasing a handbag, preferably an expensive one. Louis Vuitton handbags are especially charming, though you should make sure to purchase an authentic Louis Vuitton handbag, and not a fake one. Fake Louis Vuitton handbags are almost indistinguishable from the real thing, but you will know in your heart of hearts that it's not the real deal, like the time you stuffed your bra with socks to steal away your best friend's boyfriend and it totally worked until prom night when he dumped you for that homely girl turned prom queen who had been made over in a bet orchestrated by Disney executives.

Life's hard. Buy a handbag.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • profile image

      Nanciboy 

      9 years ago

      You're too late Hope, I already have two shoulder bags. I am lucky enough to live in a city where local artisans have places where they can gather and sell what they have made. One of them is a woman who makes purses with long shoulder straps from drapery and upholstery fabrics. I bought my first about the first of this year. I was back talking to the artist a couple of weeks later asking for her to make me one customized to my suggestions. She was agreeable, so my second purse is a bit larger (now holds a trade paperback book) and with pockets inside for my reading glasses and keys (also useful for nail polish and lipstick). We have become such friends that she made me a replacement for my first purse in the same fabric but with my customizations. And she took my old one in full payment. A lesson to you all, make friends with your local artists.

      Or it may be that she knows I am interested in a new design she has just started selling. Someday soon purse number three will join my collection. And yes, I do use them as I am out and about on weekends. Don't think the office is ready for them though.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)