What To Do When Your Soulmate Sucks

The notion of a soul mate is a beautiful one. The theory goes that a soul mate is another person, (or persons) with whom you have had a relationship with on a soul level before this life time, and will continue to have relations with when this lifetime is over.

I'm not going to get all scientific and dispute the theory of soul mates as being illogical, irrational rubbish and the product of chemicals and endorphins that trick us into making altruistic gestures in order for the species to survive because A) Too often that sort of comment is the result narrow scientific world view postulated by those who can, in one moment, accept that there is more in heaven and the earth than they can possibly know about, and then the next, not accept that they could be wrong, and because B) People who say that sort of thing are depressing joy suckers and make me want to ninja kick them right in the groin.

So let's assume then, that there are such things as soul mates Let's assume that when you meet that person, and your eyes meet with theirs for the first time, and there is that special 'click, that indefinable something that lets you know that this is the one, or at least, is one of the ones. Let's assume that this person is indeed a soulmate, and then let's look at what commonly happens after people meet their soulmates and go on to have relationships with them.

For a while, all is roses and sweetness. S/he is romantic, adoring. The two of you are swept up in the kind of love that makes you feel that you would die for your love in an instant. Indeed, it may even seem that in the whole history of the world there has never been, and will never be, a couple more deeply in love than the two of you. Perhaps you marry, perhaps you realize that you do not need the government to verify your love, or perhaps you have matching genitalia and live in a jurisdiction where only odd sets of genitalia may be married. Whatever happens, you know that you are in love, and that you will love this person for all time.

Then things begin to go wrong. You realize that the love of your eternal life is a kleptomaniac, or maybe she drinks secretly, maybe there's an accident and they loose both their legs and fall into deep depression, maybe over time a mental illness emerges, or perhaps they just get really fat. It is at this point that the scales fall from our eyes and many times once this happens, people often decide that this person, who only a few weeks ago they would have crawled through a field of broken glass and barbed wire for, was not their soul mate after all. They were mistaken. Because there is no way that their soul mate could have such serious flaws.

Our soul mates should be 6' tall, witty, urbane, sophisticated and charming. They should sweep us off around the world in a magical yacht made of gold, they should speak several languages, be a black belt in a minimum of one martial art (though ideally they will have mastered several, including an unknown lost one from ancient times), and at least once a year, they should embark on an adventure to save a lost relic. It's very rare that people decide that a homeless man or woman who smells of urine and mutters about the Regan administration is their soul mate

So what then, do we do, when a soul mate turns out to be more human than divine? I'm trying to synthesize a very complicated concept into a short phrase here, and I think this works best: People Suck. In order to enjoy life with other humans, one is advised to learn this lesson well. From the woman that birthed you, to the old woman or man that you've spent the last 40 years with, who will insist that you were the one who was supposed to bring the house keys whilst you both stand in the pouring rain locked out of your home, if someone is human, there is a good chance that they have at least one major vice, and numerous foibles which will drive you absolutely mental if you do elect to spend your life with them.

Your soul mate will suck. What you have to do is decide if the downside of the sucking outweighs the benefits of your eternal love. The good news is that, if you follow the soul mate theorem, even if you do choose to leave your soul mate in this life due to his or her violent alcoholism, (for example), there are still plenty of lifetimes, or a beautiful eternity (depending on your beliefs) in which you two can get together.

Maybe in the next lifetime he won't suck his teeth that way, and she won't nag about the toilet seat being left up. Maybe.