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/Whois - Chapter 15 - I Am Not A Ferret...I'm An Obsessed Otter

Updated on August 3, 2008

Otter: I don't like it sno. I don't like it one bit.

*Otter folds his arms in front of him and sulks*

*Snobird sighs*

Snobird:'s actually a good thing. See? He's only playing in the imaginarium that's all...and it keeps him busy...he's happy.

The subject of our discussion, my husband, was slowly pecking away with two fingers at his keyboard talking to Iva at the moment. We were now a two computer household. As I'd hoped, having included Jerry in my hobby had benefited us both. He was beginning to understand. Otter, however, was turning out to be a different story.

Otter: I don't like it. No matter what you say...I don't have to like it.

Snobird: I don't understand. Why?

I'd only seen Otter behave like this once before. It was like dealing with a two year old having a major temper tantrum and it wasn't pretty.

Ferret: Sno? I have a problem.

Snobird: Otter? Is that you? Why are you a ferret?

Ferret: I AM NOT A FERRET! That's my problem!!!! I keep getting some message that the nickname Otter is taken and when I type in my password it tells me I'm wrong and then boots me off the server. Do you think ArchRival hacked into my account and is maybe screwing around with it?

*Snobird thinks about it a moment*

Snobird: Hmmm...I know Arch likes to have fun and all and sometimes his sense of humor is questionable...but why would he do that?

Ferret: I DON'T KNOW!!! But I don't have any other's not like I'd forget my own password! I may be stupid but I'm not forgetful. Sno...what am I going to do...I don't want to be a ferret!!!

Despite having seen his picture, I couldn't help but envision a rather pissed off piscavour, in overalls of course, hopping up and down in an agitated state. I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing at the image. Otter needed my help and as sublimely ridiculous as this whole issue was...I'd be the one to fix his problem. I was always the one that fixed the problems.

Snobird: I know what to do Otter. Come with me...we'll go to #help.

Ferret: Sno...they aren't very helpful.

Snobird: Shh Otter...just trust me okay.

Snobird: Oh...and keep your mouth shut alright? I know how you are...

*Ferret takes a key, locks his lips and tosses it over his shoulder*

Snobird: Good Otter.

Ferret: Mmmph Mmphlt

Snobird: You're welcome.

#help is an odd channel. Although I didn't require it often, whenever I did, without fail, it always reminded me of the scene where Dorothy and her assorted friends approached the wizard of Oz. The inhabitants of this room never spoke unless a request was made...and when they did, it just seemed to be a disembodied voice answering.

These were the thoughts running through my head as Otter and I entered the room.

Snobird: Hellllooooo? Is there anybody available for assistance?

@Admin: How can we help you today Snobird?

Quickly, I squelched the desire to ask for a brain, heart and courage and tried to explain Otter's plight.

Snobird: Well, actually it's not MY's more my

@Admin: What can we do for you then, Ferret?


*Snobird slaps her forehead and groans*

@Admin: I hate to point out, Ferret, that you are indeed a Ferret...your nickname says so.


Ferret: C'mon Sno...he's an idiot...can't tell the difference between an otter and a ferret. Let's go.

Snobird: No...wait...Otter...just wait...and shhhh.

Snobird: We're sorry to disturb you and forgive my friend's rudeness...but he REALLY is an Otter. He's having some password issues and we're hoping perhaps you could reset it for him?

@Admin: You will vouch for this Ferret then?

Ferret: I AM NOT...

Snobird: Otter...!

*Snobird glares at Otter*

Ferret: ...a ferret.

Snobird: I will.

Snobird: Although it would teach the nasty little varmint a lesson to be stuck as a ferret for a while...

*Ferret is shocked and hurt...betrayed even*

Ferret: wouldn't...

*Ferret whimpers piteously*

@Admin: Very well then...we will see what we can do.

And so we waited...

..and waited...

...and waited some more.

*Ferret changes his nickname to Otter*

*Otter pats himself down to make sure he has all his parts*

Otter: I'm back!! Ohhhhh thank you, thank you, thank you!

@Admin: You are welcome Fe..err...Otter.

Snobird: So what was the issue...why couldn't you be Otter?

@Admin: He forgot his password.

*Otter smiles sheepishly*

Otter was truly mortified by his forgetfulness and made me promise never to tell anyone about this episode. However, after more than ten years, I think it okay to break that promise now. The password was his daughter's name...he hadn't truly forgotten that...but he'd forgotten how to spell it.

And now, after having dealt with that particular tantrum, I was faced with another one that seemed to have no explanation. Why did Otter have an issue with Jerry being on IRC and chatting?

*Otter sighs and tries to explain*

Otter: It's bad enough already that I have to share you...but in IRC, you are MINE! And I have to share you here too. I don't like it. YOU ARE MINE!!

*Otter kicks the door and glares at Snobird*

I blinked a couple of times. True...we'd always been possessive in regard to each other, but it had been an unspoken possession. Until now. I tried to put myself in his shoes, how would I react if his wife had suddenly appeared during our chat time?

*Snobird pulls Otter onto her lap and strokes his fur*

Snobird: Shhhh,'s okay. Nothing will change, I promise you. We'll still have our adventures and other stuff...I'm yours.

Otter: You swear?

*Snobird nods*

Otter: Okay sno...I trust you.

You are probably wondering about the "other stuff", hmmm? Well...our e-mail erotica sort of spilled over into IRC and I'll let you figure out the rest. This is not the place to go into detail and to be honest, I have no desire to share that with anyone, not even you. You wouldn't understand and I'd feel as if I was devaluing something that had great meaning to me.

Just take this and chew on it for a while...take me at my word for it and don't ask why, but doing "other stuff" messes with your head sometimes. rulez (as Otter says it), mentally we were connected, think...anything you want and perhaps you might understand that they weren't just words, they weren't just text. I swear to you...I could FEEL it.

Otter's kisses stole my breath. My body physically craved his touch. We were connected to each other as completely as two people can be...and yet in reality...we hadn't ever laid a hand on each other. If I had ever met him in person, it would not have surprised me in the least to discover that his skin felt exactly as my mind had pictured it would feel.

He was right IRC, I belonged to him. It was only fair, since he belonged to me.

And just like that, Otter and I found ourselves in a totally different place...a place nobody should ever go, or if they do, they should travel lightly. Unfortunately, both of us were carrying a lot of personal baggage with us...things like jobs, spouses and families. Neither one of us wanted to give up those things...but we couldn't give up each other either. Eventually something would have to give. As I've said before...obsession can be a very dangerous thing.


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