/Whois - Chapter 8 - Hell Hath No Fury As A Male1 Scorned

Otter: I guess I really should have told you about Kali...

Actually, knowing Kali the way I did...I should have guessed it. She was always so eager to talk about Otter whenever I brought him up...had a picture of him even. Duh! I was pretty oblivious...so how could I really be too pissed off at Otter?

"It's not like we're romantically involved anymore," Otter explained, "at least I don't think so."

With Otter, it usually took a bit of patience to get the complete story...so I waited.

"We were sorta close...I was having a bad time in my marriage...and Kali and I just...well we were...y'know. And then I told her that I didn't want to hurt anybody and I needed some time alone to figure it out. So I went away for a bit...and when I came back...well we were friends and that was it."

I probed a bit further...

"But you have talked to her right? She knows that you and I are friends...and she's okay with it?"

"Well...I never really told her...but she never asked. It's not like we're hiding the fact that we hang out, sno! Geesh! I just figured she sorta knew. Why? Has she said anything to you?"

"No...but it could be a problem..."

"Why?"

"Male1...he'll lie to her. He'll tell her things that aren't true...to hurt her...to hurt me."

"Phhhhhhllllllllllbt! She's too smart to believe that! And anyway...what does it matter. It's not like you and he are close anymore...you aren't close anymore are you? So why does it matter. He can go and find somebody else to mess with."

In some ways, Otter could be the most selfish creature on the planet. Where I became emotionally involved and sometimes maternal about my friends...he would casually walk away. Otter despised drama. I simply couldn't hurt a friend...

But I was too late.

One evening, while Otter was busy at work, I walked into my room of imagination. Where usually I was greeted by multiple versions of "hi sno!"...I was met with hostile silence. I tried to brush away my misgivings as I took my usual spot...perhaps if I waited it out somebody would enlighten me.

There had been a recent addition to the room...a man named Straycat. He was Kimbrr's new main man and while I usually liked most of the men that Kimbrr acquired, I didn't get very good feelings from this one. He was mean. He was a bully. Straycat enjoyed nothing more than to zero in on a particular person and belittle him or her...not in an amusing way, but in a way that made not only the target cringe, but everyone else as well. He knew he was pretty much untouchable in his position as Kimbrr's lover...and he took advantage of it.

Dealing with the hostility that I sensed was one thing...but seeing that Straycat was in the room as well made me uneasy. Unlike some of the more silent members of the room, I'd been a rather vocal adversary of his. He knew I didn't like him...and the way he was being nice to everyone else in the room upon my arrival warned me that he was waiting for something juicier to come along. And that something was me...

Even worse...Male1 was there...and although I know Straycat had seen me enter the room, Male1 had not.

Straycat: So...as you were saying...did you make her scream with pleasure? What I wouldn't have given to be there...it must have been GREAT!

Male1: Oh...she was good alright! In fact, I may just have to see her again soon. I'd forgotten how good it was to have REAL sex instead of the usual cyber crap!

On and on it went...and just when I thought they couldn't get any more vulgar...they did. I could almost see Straycat at his keyboard, smiling that smarmy smile of his as he egged Male1 on. Not that I was having any charitable thought towards Male1 though...I thought they were both pigs.

Male1 may not have seen me enter...but he saw me leave.

Male1: You weren't supposed to see that. I'm sorry.

Snobird: Whatever...it doesn't matter one bit to me what you do in your real life. I'm married...you are single. I couldn't honestly care less what you do in your free time. I just think it's gross that you thought it appropriate discussion for the main room. Couldn't you have taken that to private chat?

Male1: Sweetie...I'm really sorry I upset you. She didn't mean anything to me. In fact, the entire time...I was fantasizing that it was you.

Okay...so I nearly threw up in my mouth when he said that. Not only did he totally misunderstand why I was so grossed out...he thought that saying something like that would be appealing! I felt so sorry for that woman he was with...

I refused to go back to the room for a few days...hoping that when I did go back, Straycat and Male1 would not be there. My wish was granted...but the poison had spread. Kali was in the room...and no matter how I tried she wouldn't speak to me. The rest of the room seemed to have no such trouble though. I was called a slut...a whore...and told in no uncertain terms that I was no longer welcome. It was then I noticed my @ was gone too...

Otter: Sno? Don't go in there...

Snobird: Too late Otter...I'm in there...

Otter: Leave...now. Come with me. You don't need to hear that...we know it's not true.

Snobird: Otter...why are they...it hurts...

Otter: I know...I know...come...we'll find a new place. A place where we can play and they can't hurt us...who needs this server anyway. Bunch of losers...we'll find a better place. C'mon Sno...just click the little x button and we'll go...

Snobird: But...this is my home.

Otter: Sno...I can't let you do this to yourself...don't make me go in there and give them a piece of my mind. I would do it...for you.

And that's what decided it. Let them tear me apart as much as they wanted. Let them think their nasty little thoughts and believe that I could hurt my friend. They would take care of Kali...she'd be okay. But I would leave before I allowed them to hurt Otter...

Snobird: But where will we go Otter?

*Otter laughs, slips his paw into sno's hand*

Otter: Sno...geesh...this is IRC...we can go anywhere!

And we did...

South Africa, Iceland, Germany, France...even Israel. We especially enjoyed the South African server...they were a pretty seriously twisted bunch with welcoming smiles and a keen sense for fun. Iceland was a little strange. We attributed it to that whole six months of darkness thing. Otter and I agreed it could make anyone crazy.

During this phase of our friendship, we enjoyed nothing more than dreaming up wildly creative scenarios and infecting an entire room with our imagination. We built a room with Velcro walls and bounced around in zero gravity...splatting ourselves to the clinging surface in awkward positions. We dreamed up CaptnEject and his faithful sidekick Superchihuahua to steal the space shuttle and take it for a joy ride. Several times we were accused of having a script...which never failed to amuse us. Nobody believed that we were always just making it up as we went along...

Not to offend the religious, but one of our favorite targets was making mischief in any #christian channel.

Otter: So where to next, sno?

*snobird grins mischievously*

Snobird: #christian?

Otter: Weren't we just there a day or so ago?

*snobird shrugs*

Snobird: I think it's been a few weeks since we got them to save me...

*Otter smirks*

Otter: Oh yeah...I remember that one. How about we...change our nicknames to something fun and see who gets bounced out first.

Snobird: Deal!

Quickly, Otter and I changed into new and rather inflammatory nicknames and launched an assault against Christianity. I lasted a millisecond as LucyFur...

IXIXIX: Sno?

Snobird: Otter? You are still in there?

IXIXIX: They're laughing at me sno...why are they LAUGHING at me?

I puzzled over this...and then I see the reason. At home, I'm sitting at my keyboard in paroxysms of laughter.

IXIXIX: Sno?

I wipe my eyes...and solemnly type...

Snobird: Umm...Otter...IXIXIX is 999...not 666...

Otter: Well...that sucks.

After a while though, the initial exuberance began to wear off. It was my fault entirely...I missed my home...and I missed my IRC friends in the imagination room. And as the shock of it began to wear off...anger took its place and I wanted revenge. It came to me while Otter and I were disguised by the nicknames Pea1 and Pea2...rolling around rooms, up people's pant legs, into their ears and nostrils and just being a nuisance in general.

Like the proverbial peas in a pod, when one of us had a thought it hopped through the tin can line and communicated it to the other.

Otter: You are going back aren't you?

Snobird: I have to Otter...I can't let him win. I want to destroy him...the way he tried to destroy me.

Otter: I don't like it sno...but if you go, I go.

Snobird: Thanks Otter...

Otter: Are you sure about this...because there's still Russia...

Snobird: LOL! I'm sure ya smelly varmint...

*Otter smiles*

Otter: Two peas...

I smiled as I answered with the next line of our mantra...

Snobird: In a pod...

Otter: In the garden...

Snobird: Beneath the sun.

And so Otter and I packed up our traveling bags and headed home to our server. Our IRC vacation had reached an end...