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You Know You Are A Wytch If

Updated on May 8, 2008

(Pagan Humor/Jokes)

1.) When you are sworn into court, you bring your own Book Of Shadows.

Book Of Shadows
Book Of Shadows

2) You've been seen talking to cats... They talk back *and* you understand what they are saying.

3) When asked if you believe in God, you reply: "Which One?"

4) You fully understand what "Widdershins" means.

5) You have an entire "spice cabinet" and you don't even cook. (You know that laurel and bay leaves are the same thing.)

6) You have a frequent buyer card at the local antique bookstore.

7) You think J.K. Rowling should be a cultural icon.

8) You know there are exceptions to the law of physics... You've even caused some of them.

9) The first things guests to your home say is, "My.... That's a nice... altar... you have there."

10) On Halloween, you yell "Happy New Year!" at passers-by.

11) You know that the "Christmas" tree is actually Pagan in origin.

12) You have friends who say they are elves, and you have no problems believing them.

13) You commit blasphemy in the plural!

14) Upon dying, your first thought is, "Dang it. Not AGAIN."

15) When you say "Mother Nature," you don't mean it in a figurative way.

16) Gaia is NOT the lady on Captain Planet (cartoon).

17) You think 'The Mists of Avalon' should be a religious text.

18) In Religion 101, you were disappointed because they didn't cover YOUR gods.

19) You know there is a right way and a wrong way to draw a pentacle, and you CAN explain the difference.

20) You've spent the last full turning of the moon looking for a familiar.

21) You talk to trees - and they talk back.

22) You know dragons and fairies exist. You've actually seen them.

23) Painting yourself blue, spiking your hair, and dancing naked around a bonfire sounds like great fun.

24) You've seen 'The Craft'. You know they were making stuff up in 'The Craft'... You have explained this to other people... You can do it better than they did it in 'The Craft'.

25) You fully understand the symbolism behind a maypole.

26) You've ever ended a phone call with "So Mote It Be."

27) Your children go around telling people that, "The Goddess loves you."

28) You think that 'Scott Cunningham' is a household name...

29) Someone asks you what you are doing wandering around in the woods wearing a robe, and you answer cheerfully: "Going to church!"

30) The emergency calls you get at work are your teenagers wanting to know the whereabouts of the extra candles, incense or other misc. ritual items.

31) You feel that there is no such thing as having too many cats.

32) Friends give you candles and incense as gifts.

33) There are more jars of strange smelling plants in your cupboards than there are cereal boxes.

34) You find yourself making corn dollies in the checkout line at the local grocery store.

35) You start answering the phone with "Merry Meet!"

36) When cleaning house you have to specify: "Where's the broom? No, not *that* broom - Where's the one to clean the floor with?"

37) You're reading this page and you clearly understand what it's talking about.

38) You have even more to add to this list....


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    • profile image


      6 years ago

      Awesome hub

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      I was nodding the whole time... :P

    • jdeschene profile image


      10 years ago from Boston, Massachusetts

      Excellent hub! You hit it all. I had a lot of fun reading this.

    • profile image


      10 years ago

      I had a hard time not laughing durring class when I read them. I have read the mists of avalon, and own the craft, so I can relate to them more than I would like to admit.

    • profile image


      10 years ago

      Blessed Be! I needed that laugh. And to 22 I would add "and unicorns because you served Lancelot ice cream when you were a maiden". How about... You already knew "The Secret" before there was a movie about it. You know what "drawing down the moon" means. The book "Modern Pagans" bares a striking resemblance to your personal photo album. You know what an athame and a challis represent and it turns you on. Because you describe females to your coven-mates as maiden, mother, or crone. You know what "skyclad" means because that's what you had on last time you cast a circle. You know the difference between an equinox and a solstice. You know what your sun, moon, and rising sign are and you have several synastry charts in your Book of Shadows. You know when Candlemas and Lammas are and what foods to serve. You refer to your culinary skills as alchemy. You know what "moon void of course" and "mercury retrograde" mean because you mark them in your calendar and plan accordingly. Thanxoxox ;-)

    • tinyteddy profile image


      10 years ago from INDIA


    • tjmum profile image


      10 years ago from Isle of Wight

      I could see myself in some of these, especially having a conversation with my cats, although sometimes they don't deign to reply (you knw what cats are!). Have always thought the Sacred Feminine was much maligned. Great to hear there are some free spirits still out there. There also has to have been dragons around - they appear in every ancient culture so they must exisit. And although I do see unicorns I know that I no longer see their horns as I have two kids. I point them out to my boys though!

    • Raven Emrys profile imageAUTHOR

      Raven Emrys 

      10 years ago from Salisbury

      Greetings Sligobay!

      Thanks for being a fan! It is a pleasure to meet you. I'll try to do a hub on some useful Pagan sites in the near future. Thanks for the input!

    • Raven Emrys profile imageAUTHOR

      Raven Emrys 

      10 years ago from Salisbury

      Greetings Gamergirl,

      Glad I was able to give you some giggles today! :-D

    • sligobay profile image


      10 years ago from east of the equator

      Raven, I am a new fan. I celebrated 'new years' with a New York coven a few years back. Please provide some links to some helpful pagan sites for my info and for others who find this hub. Use a link capsule. Cheers, Sligobay

    • gamergirl profile image


      10 years ago from Antioch, TN

      What a great list! I giggled my way through it, I tell ya!

    • Raven Emrys profile imageAUTHOR

      Raven Emrys 

      10 years ago from Salisbury

      Dear cjcs,

      Well my friend... it could very well mean that you have a broom hidden somewhere in your closet that you don't use for cleaning! LOL!

    • Raven Emrys profile imageAUTHOR

      Raven Emrys 

      10 years ago from Salisbury

      Greetings Jess!

      So glad you got a good laugh out of these! Thanks for the comment! :-D

    • cjcs profile image


      10 years ago from Albuquerque, NM

      I found myself smiling and nodding a lot. I wonder that that might mean....?

    • profile image


      10 years ago

      this gave me a good laugh though i dont understand everything on the list i still have stuff to learn


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