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Advice For The Suddenly Single

Updated on February 8, 2008

Tough, compassionate advice for the suddenly single

Here are tips to help you move on with your life.


Whether a breakup or divorce has caused this event, here you are, single again.

This is not the end but the beginning of the new you. Here is how to move on.

Begin a new exercise plan

Join a volunteer organization

Take yourself out to dinner

Alone in a crowd doesn't have to be boring, go window shopping

New places, new faces. Take a drive to a nearby town and have a night or two in a medium priced motel. Take in the sights and enjoy the differences from your regular days.

Catch up on finding old friends. Using the web you can easily track down old high school buddies and find out what's new with their lives.

You were in that special place that only people in love know about. Romance was alive and your soulmate was revealed to you as the only person you'd want to spend the rest of your life with.

Then it happened:

"I need to see other people"

Or, "This isn't what I want out of life".

Whatever the wording, suddenly you found yourself alone. Single again.

You spend your days in a fog, wondering where it all went so horribly wrong. Blaming yourself for not seeing the breakup coming and hating yourself for not acting sooner to avoid being single again.

It's time to get out of that fog, to do for yourself as you wish others would do for you, spend some special time with a special person, yourself. Take a few small baby-steps and get to know yourself again. We won't encourage you to begin trying to meet another special someone, goodness knows that you probably have deep rejection fears right about now. You are in a fragile state and need some help to understand the great person you are and to be able to outwardly, and inwardly, shine bright again.

It's time for you to begin a good exercise regimen. Nothing too strenuous, just a walk for a few blocks early in the morning or later in the day when the temperature isn't too hot or too cold. Fresh air in, old air out. This will help you to have some clear-thinking time. When you are out on your walk, concentrate on walking. Become aware of your surroundings and let all other thoughts fade away. You will surprise yourself with how refreshed you'll feel and after a few walks you'll even feel better about yourself too!

Share your new-found spare time with a local volunteer organization. If you're not sure where to look for an organization that will hold your interest, a worthwhile community service to donate a couple of hours of your time on a regular basis, just open your phone book and look under "volunteer groups". Many people, will tell you that volunteering is a great way to meet others that share your same interests, but we feel it is a great way to not only give of yourself but to learn a little more of yourself as well.

Treating yourself to a well deserved dinner out can be very refreshing. Look for a restaurant that you'd normally find too expensive and make a reservation for yourself. Just you and a fancy menu can be very rewarding and relaxing. You will also be able to share your newly discovered restaurant experiences with others and prepare yourself for when it is time to go out with friends again. Feel free to repeat this dining out trip regularly. It will add to your knowledge of where you live and you will probably find a new favorite dining establishment as well.

We all live on some type of financial budget. Only so much money is earned every month and our regular expenses for rent/mortgage, utilities, food and clothing don't go away. But this shouldn't keep you from going out window shopping. It can be exciting checking out the new products and styles that are available today and ever-changing for tomorrow. You will quickly find some things that you can't live without but remember not to break the bank or overextend yourself on your credit cards. Window shopping is free and you should enjoy regular trips out without burdening yourself with bundles and bills.

New places bring to you new experiences and new people. Plan an overnight or weekend getaway to visit a place that's within a couple of hours drive. Spend some time at the local attractions and keep your friendly face on. Introduce yourself around and you're sure to meet some new faces that could become great friends. Take your camera, a great opening line is "Excuse me, can you take my picture?" then, when it's possible, ask the person about the place you are in. You're obviously a visitor so most people will respond with friendly conversation and helpful advice about what you should and shouldn't see.

Start your own personal outreach program. Look up old friends and catch up on everyone's activities over the past few years. There are plenty of online services that will help you locate old school pals, childhood friends and summer camp buddies. You'll be pleasantly surprised to hear how other's lives have turned out so far. You may even find a new group of friends from the old group you used to belong to.

There is no reason why your change in relationship status requires you to be lonely or alone. It's all up to you to make yourself available and in a few easy steps you'll have a wonderful time of new experiences, new places and new faces.


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