Live the High Life in One Easy Step

I like the good things in life, but living the High Life has always eluded me. It has remained just outside my grasp, pulling its ears out and brandishing its tongue in my general direction. There are tools to achieving the High Life which I lack: hard work, botox injections, motivation, intelligence, TWO eyebrows, good breeding, a job, luck, an inheritance, good looks, the ability to pronounce the letter 'h'... my list could go on for days. But none of those things come in a can. Or a bottle.... or maybe even a keg. Then it struck me square between the eyes, just south of my eyebrow. The High Life is out there... it's available and attainable in liquor stores and grocery stores for about $6 a twelve pack. There are even places called convenience stores that make the High Life easy to find and purchase. Convenient? Oh Yeah!

Six dollars to the High Life you say? That is 34 cents a step! I think, but I hear an understanding of complex mathematics comes with the High Life, so there's that too. Ferraris, lobster, beautiful women, exotic beaches AND mathematics! Sign me up! Twelve steps to the High Life! Could it be this easy? Could the self-proclaimed "Champagne of Beers" give you something so desired for as little as a shade over half of ten dollars? Hmmmm... this author just had to find out.

Well friends, I will not bore you with a step by step account of how I attained the High Life. I remember the first two steps, but after that things get a little hazy. That's what the High Life does for you, it makes life so amazing you can't remember how grand it was. I did take some pictures though, both of the Low Life and the High Life. The differences are mind blowing. On a side and wholly unrelated note, if anyone happens to find my pants, dignity or pet goldfish, Francois, please contact me immediately. Three girls I'd never had the guts to phone actually spoke to me during the experiment! I cannot wait to call them again when my head feels less like Mike Tyson reading poetry with a megaphone. Boy, will they be excited to hear from me.

Take a look at these pics for yourself and then run out and get your own slice of the High Life!

So Take Back the High Life. Cause advertising never lies and I'm here to promise you... your dreams can fit in a bottle if you let them.

Remember kiddies... the High Life is only attainable after the age of 21, you're screwed til then.