ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Buy Doritos Online

Updated on June 3, 2013
A woman appears in a quality photo that enhances this hub. That's a field of corn in the background. Doritos are made from corn.
A woman appears in a quality photo that enhances this hub. That's a field of corn in the background. Doritos are made from corn. | Source

The World's Most Perfect Food?

Since just after the dawn of man and just before the first Super Bowl, sentient humans have searched for ultimate snack foods to complement bleu-cheese dip and guacamole. Doritos represents man's pinnacle of salty corn-based hand-held dippable TV-compatible edibles. Vast arrays of flavors, from original to extra salty, can be acquired at major supermarket chains across the planet. Bags of Doritos fly off shelves 24 hours a day into shopping carts bulging with discount soda pop and frozen pizzas.

We salute the grandest snacking invention since the disposable napkin. Doritos have earned their rightful place among life's necessities. How did this happen? We don't know for sure, but we can certainly speculate because this is supposed to be funny anyway and the true story probably involves boring food engineers and dull focus groups.

Doritos: The Early Years

Scientists speculate as to the origin of Original Flavored Doritos. These scientists are widely discounted because they seldom get invited to the kinds of parties that serve Doritos anyway. For better or worse, extensive research indicates that early relatives of Doritos washed up on the oily shores of Precambrian oceans. They slowly evolved into the popular triangular shape that has proven so amenable to dipping. Their evolutionary process took a long time but was facilitated by a scientifically impossible high salt content: the things just wouldn't decompose.

The Legend Continues

Evidence found deep beneath a 7-11 in Pomona indicates that an early strain of Dorito mated with a mutant fruit roll-up. The improbable result proved to be a precursor to several of the more popular Dorito flavors that we all enjoy to this day. The beginnings of the 'tos' family of portable foods was beginning to begin. Doritos, Frito's, and Cheetos were forming storm clouds on the nutritional horizon.

Hundreds of years ago, tribes of roaming corn farmers dotted prairies from Tatertot, Idaho to Constipation, New Mexico. These dedicated but restless agrarians searched endlessly for rich loamy bottom-land and reliable cell phone coverage. They carried with them recipes for spicy snack foods, passed down from father to son and mother to daughter. They heard rumors of triangular corn concoctions that would go really well with their family heirlooms, but rarely did they get opportunities to kitchen-test their recipes because the government insisted on buying up all the corn to make into ethanol-based fuels. A few brave Libertarian farmers broke away from the pack. They secreted some of their corn harvest from the prying eyes of the USDA and combined their spices with their maize: modern Doritos were born.

Doritos Saves the Economy

Every year millions of otherwise dysfunctional families gather together in front of massive flat screen televisions to share the joy of the Super Bowl commercials interspersed with a football game. This trend was causing the economy to trend downward. Caviar and Perrier were simply too expensive to serve. Hosts were mortgaging their homes to provide sufficient quantities of foodstuffs for their guests. A housing bubble was forming. More and more money was borrowed to purchase bigger televisions and elaborate meals.

A tipping point was reached when supermarkets in Washington, DC ran out of fish eggs. Congress swung into action. Dedicated legislators legislated massive Dorito subsidies to ensure that no Super Bowl viewer would every go hungry again. Huge underground stockpiles of spice and corn were established in huge underground bunkers that formerly contained strategic oil reserves. Never again would a father have to look his young son in the eye and say "The score is tied with two minutes left in the game, and we are out of Doritos. Go to bed."

Try to resist, just try.
Try to resist, just try. | Source


Give thanks that you live in a Doritos world. Your parents had to walk uphill in a snowstorm to buy 1.75 ounce bags with expired sell-by dates, and they only had the Original Flavor to choose from.

I like Doritos

See results

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)