Buy Happiness on eBay
Can Money Buy Happiness?
Look to our favorite online auction site, eBay, for cornucopias of opportunities for happiness. Simply bidding on your dream auction inspires spasms of joy heretofore available only by adding the Oprah Winfrey Network to your cable TV package. Here are just a few splendiferous items on sale right now. Begin your hunt for happiness immediately.
MacGyver on DVD
Recline on the sofa in abject awe as Angus MacGyver, contrives a microwave oven from 2 garden gnomes and a Pop Tart. Order all 7 seasons on DVD. Give them as gifts to friends who seem lacking in happiness. Your spirits will soar together in happy harmony. No TV character portrayed by Richard Dean Anderson inspires more joy.
Sister Maria Innocentia Hummel inspired happiness through her sketches, which triggered a multimillion dollar industry of figurines. No sentient human can resist the joy emitted from these absolutely adorable porcelain representations. Don't even try.
Happiness Tennis Balls
Tennis played indoors on a table can be tedious and frustrating without balls of happiness from the DHS Corporation. The DHS inventory also includes shirts, paddles, tables, and (no lie) a 'table tennis robot.' We're not here to judge.
These folks officially sponsor ping pong in the world famous athletic competition taking place every 4 years. Cadres of unhappy lawyers fiercely protect the event title to the extent that we shall not mention it here. Whack around a few DHS flagship products to learn what happiness actually feels like.
Happy License Plates
One of the first things people notice about you is your novelty license plate. Give them something to look at. Broadcast your happiness requirements at either end of your vehicle. Show the world what puts a spring in your step, a twinkle in your eye, and tiny dent in your credit card account.
License plates issued by the government are so boring. Inform everyone you nearly run over as to your predilection for leisure activities, breed of dog, or social status. We all want to know.
All the Hummel figurines lined up end-to-end would encircle the world .73 times, but that would make no one happy. Consider instead investing in Happy Bunny gear. Swathe yourself from head to toe in logo-ed paraphernalia engineered for joy.
This adorable coney always includes a cute bon mot guaranteed to insult or amuse. Probably not apropos for weddings or college graduations (unless it's community college), a Happy Bunny T-shirt looks great anywhere the terminally indignant gather to focus their unhappiness.
We can all just get along. Slapping sufficient stickers on the Saab seems to satisfy serious seekers of happiness. Preach tolerance and diversity to those sharing the commuter lane with you. Strategically deploy them to cover poorly chosen semi-permanent endorsements for John Kerry or Al Gore.
Literally hundreds of these stickers may be bid upon. Our favorite online auction site, eBay, never seems to run out. You must shop, but shop wisely.