Cheaper than Dirt
Buy some dirty stuff
Sure, we can dig up the back yard for some free dirt, but bidding on eBay for other people's crud provides a much more enjoyable way to spend a rainy weekend at the computer. Here are the best deals on our favorite online auction site.
Bid on a Dirt Bike
Imagine yourself zooming through the neighbor's back yard on your new dirt bike acquired from eBay. Everyone will know you're a rebel and a really cool person that should not be messed with. Average road bikes pale in comparison to a motorcycle with powerful brakes, extended shock travel, and virtually no muffler.
Your dirt bike needs gear. Actually, it needs a lot of gear. Bid on all the crucial fashion statements that accompany a truly epic dirt bike experience. Mix in a helmet: we want you bidding on motorcycle accessories well into the future.
Elton John - Captin Fantastic and The Brown Dirt Cowboy
Famous motorcycle rider and pop singer Elton John immortalized the concept of dirt in his seminal album that was released in 1975. His song stylings are not exactly cheaper than dirt, but Wikipedia tells us the album was certified platinum by the RIAA: Wikipedia is hardly ever wrong about this type of thing.
You can own an original copy of this epically epic collection of words and music. Simply log on to eBay and begin bidding. The world is bidding against you: be generous.
AC/DC : Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap
The good boys over at AC/DC may not have been grammatical experts, but they are huge fans of Elton John and motorcycle riding. This catchy tune, released in 1976, conceptualizes revenge with a rock 'n roll theme. Your favorite head-bangers will love to listen to it again and again while they bid on more dirty stuff on our favorite online auction site, eBay.
Many original members of AC/DC are mostly still alive and would probably be happy to autograph your copy of their music. Compared to Justin Bieber, they are pretty old guys. Be careful not to startle them: they might say dirty words at you.
Bid on a Dirt Devil
Upon arriving home from your dirt bike riding, you will be filthy. Don't expect to stroll into the house without leaving a trail of filth. A Dirt Devil vacuum cleaner provides optimal dirt collection and sequestration features. Plug the Dirt Devil into your favorite electrical outlet and get scrubbin'. No one will ever know you came home dirty.
Bagless vacuum cleaners accumulate crud into a canister than can be removed for easy cleaning. Simply carry the canister outside and dump it into the dirt from whence it came. There's no need to order vacuum cleaner bags online from our favorite online auction site, eBay.
It's true: you can indeed make your own dirt. Simply feed your yard waste or your neighbor's poorly groomed box elder into a powerful chipper shredder. You're well on your way to self-made dirt.
Do not dispose of dirt bikes or AC/DC CDs in this device. Not everything can be turned into true dirt. Some items need to be recycled through our favorite online auction site, eBay.
Note: chipper shredders are extremely dangerous. Do not allow members of AC/DC to operate your shredder, no matter how alive they may seem at the time.
Yard Mulch Dye
Color coordinate your dirt with specially engineered yard mulch dye. Surely you already knew that this existed. Virtually anything dirty is available on our favorite online auction site, eBay.
Your neighbors will like you more and the delivery kid will stop whipping the newspaper into your bougainvilleas. A rainbow of chromatic options are available, but conservative choices predominate. Dirt-colored dirt never goes out of style.
Bid on Gold Pay Dirt
Deep in the ground, untouched for gabillions of years by human hands, lies tons of golden dirt. Experienced aficionados of gold-based reality TV refer to it as Pay Dirt. Digging it up presents little problem. Separating gold dirt from generic dirt isn't all that difficult. Scale is the issue.
Y'all need about a gazillion cubic yards of Mother Earth to end up with enough gold to fill a tooth. Instead of the digging business, participate in the bidding business: look online for a constant flow of opportunities. Tiny flakes and huge nuggets abound. Purchase dirt by the bag and sift it over your kitchen sink. You might mine enough to pay for replacing that garbage disposal.